Everything else that comes with it!!

Hi Smiley

'I keep trying to smile and stay positive, and i can do that when it comes to my treatment and that everything is going well and it will b ok, but its so hard when all this other stuff gets thrown on to it!' 

re: your quote above.  I have said on this site before, that no one can be positive 100% of the time!  We have earnt the right to 'blow off steam' whenever we want and to hate what we are going through.  We cant smile all the time, and say 'yeah, I feel great' - because that is so untrue.  I'm sure your mum and sister dont mean what they are saying, but they are going through an emotional time as well.  There isnt a mum in this world who wants to see her child sick.  The problem with this bloody disease is that everything happens so quickly, nobody has time to adjust to anything.  One minute our lives are great, then we get the bombshell news that we have cancer and so the journey begins, and its a tough journey at that.

We (cancer patients undergoing chemo, treatments, etc) are not the easiest people to live with either, our own emotions are running riot, but family dynamics being what they are, there is always going to be someone who is feeling 'hard done by' or hurt or rejected.

All I can recommend is that you put yourself FIRST.  This is time for you to try and gather your thoughts, get used to the 'cancer routine' and try and get on with your life and your daughters.  There is no easy way at the moment, but there is a light at then end of the tunnell, and everything will settle down eventually.

Take care, rant and rave as much as you want on here as we are all here for you and we have 'walked the walk' that you are now on.  Hope everything settles down soon.

Di  :)

You poor darl,you need support and not those sort of comments.Do you think your mum is serious or just blowing off steam?Maybe you and your mum can get counselling with a psychologist at the hospital where you have your chemo.I know it was on offer to me if I needed it.Start looking for all the help you can get cos you have a hard journey ahead. Love and hugs

                                                     Tonya xx

Hi again, please don't let all of this get you down ... I know it's easier said than done!!  Where do you live, there may be a support group in your area.  Let me know and I'll help you find one.

Stay strong ... luv Shirl xx

Hi again, please don't let all of this get you down ... I know it's easier said than done!!  Where do you live, there may be a support group in your area.  Let me know and I'll help you find one.

Stay strong ... luv Shirl xx

Thanku all so much 4 ur advice and support! I just couldnt take it anymore. i got up the energy and got my girls in the car and i left!

I couldnt type, i didnt know how to express wat i thinking and feeling..

I guess i just had more than enough of the comments "im so over cooking for everyone", "ive had my kids, my grand kids are not my responsibiblty"etc...Thats what is constantly being said and im soooo over it! i hate that they r saying it. Its not that i asked to be a single mum (thier dad chosen not to be part of our lives)and i most certainly did not ask to get sick!

I know that if it was on the reverse, the person that is unwell wouldnt even have to ask for anything, i just do it! (or maybe thats my problem, i give to much).. Then to come home and because i walked right pass everyone i get bitched about bigtime!!

I keep trying to smile and stay positive, and i can do that when it comes to my treatment and that everything is going well and it will b ok, but its so hard when all this other stuff gets thrown on to it!

Farout!!what a day..Can i close my eyes and make everything go away??

Thanku all so much 4 ur advice and support! I just couldnt take it anymore. i got up the energy and got my girls in the car and i left!

I couldnt type, i didnt know how to express wat i thinking and feeling..

I guess i just had more than enough of the comments "im so over cooking for everyone", "ive had my kids, my grand kids are not my responsibiblty"etc...Thats what is constantly being said and im soooo over it! i hate that they r saying it. Its not that i asked to be a single mum (thier dad chosen not to be part of our lives)and i most certainly did not ask to get sick!

I know that if it was on the reverse, the person that is unwell wouldnt even have to ask for anything, i just do it! (or maybe thats my problem, i give to much).. Then to come home and because i walked right pass everyone i get bitched about bigtime!!

I keep trying to smile and stay positive, and i can do that when it comes to my treatment and that everything is going well and it will b ok, but its so hard when all this other stuff gets thrown on to it!

Farout!!what a day..Can i close my eyes and make everything go away??

The drugs make you feel lousy and teary.Families will be families whether you are sick or not.Make yourself priority and back away from the squabbles.Put a "do not disturb"sign on your door and lie low till dinnertime.The kids will have forgotten it all and you'll still be worrying.Let your mum deal with them,even if it's not what you'd do- they'll be fine.Don't feel guilty about the situation or your behaviour -  cancer is your excuse and I don't know of a worse one.You are probably going to need rest and time to yourself every day so write that sign and put it on the door NOW!! Forgive your mum cos she is probably muddling through as best she can. But we are all on your side here cos we know just how rotten  that chemo makes you feel.

                                Tonya xxx

Ok .... here's Aunty Shirl reading you the riot act!!!

Just for starters YOU ARE NOT USELESS so don't you let any of us hear you say that again - that's it, a very small riot act!!!!

Your family love you and want to support you in every way ... the only problem is that they just don't really know what to say and do, so they are saying and doing too much.  It's a shocking feeling for parents to see their child going through a "life and death" (for want of another word) situation and they are possibly scared shitless, as you are.

How about sitting down with your Mum, Dad and Sister and getting this off your chest - even show them your blog here.  Ok the session will probably end up in tears - but please not angry tears.  Just explain to them that as much as you love and appreciate them and all they are doing for you, you feel smothered and you want to be able to maintain your independance even though you are in their home.  Remind your Mum (nicely of course) that you are still "the mother"  and if you feel that your girls need telling off, then you will do it.

Next thing .... how old are the children - both yours and your sister's?  Don't shut them out, have a talk with them - not at the same time as the one with the adults.  Children pick up on adults moods and fears and that in itself can make them feel very insecure.  Tell them as much about what you are going through as you think they will understand, I'm sure that you will be surprised how they react.  Children are very resiliant, and the fact that you are including them and treating them like"grown-ups" will make things easier. 

I'm glad you came on-line to vent .... we are all here to support you in every way we possibly can.  Let us know how things are going for you and remember you have to take care of Number One ..... you!!!

Luv ... Shirl XX