Hi and welcome. I saw your comments last evening and I felt I needed to add something for you. Like Moira says everyone is different. It is nearly 4 years since my diagnosis but I still have ongoing treatment ie medications and minor surgeries. Even if I wanted "it" to go away it looks like that will not be the case. I have tried to stay very positive and only look for positives in my journey. However, it did take quite a while for me to stop "churning" out the songs for my funeral and thinking who might attend. (I got a bit peeved to think that all my family and friends would be together and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the occasion) Anyway I changed this around by having all these family and friends at our wedding 3 years ago. So that got me over that hurdle. I have lost a very dear friend to this curse but her courage has also inspired me to live a very good life. She was ever so sick for the last 5 years of her life but she never gave up, never complained and never mentioned dying. She was living!!! Most of my family think "it" is all behind me but of course we will live with cancer until the end. My experience in meeting such wonderful survivors and being able to be part of BCNA as a Community Liaison Officer just enhances my life and my journey. I set myself a 5 year plan when I was diagnosed and I'm sticking to it. Each year my husband and I do/go somewhere different. I just keep on planning. I'm going to retire next year at age 55 - something I never dreamt of - so I can LIVE LIVE life to the fullest!!!! Take care - please add me as a contact if you think I may be able to support you further. XLeonie