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Susan1101's avatar
Susan1101
Member
14 years ago

Day of Reckoning

Yes - it's my pre 4am BCNA fix again!
I've spent the last few days reading other journeys & experiences while I wait for mine to continue.
This time it's a 2.30am wake up & there's no sleep for this old duck!
And here's me thinking I would need hubby to give me a wake up call at 5.45am to get ready for a work training session in Perth...hope I don't snore too loud during the presentation..

I have been reading a lot of stories as I said & the one thing that becomes evident is that many have had surgery quite quickly after diagnosis.
I feel like I have been waiting forever.
Is there anyone out there who has had chemo before surgery?? Anyone?? Any takers???
Tomorrow will be 2 weeks from my initial meeting with my surgeon & he has wanted me to have MRI scans prior to mapping out a treatment plan.
My core biopsy result states "Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma of intermediate to high grade in all four cores of tissue"
Initial ultrasound shows a lump of less than 20mm.
My surgeon (McYummy) is not convinced & doesn't want to operate until he can confirm the size.

But in the meantime the marauding alien is getting bigger & my breast is quite swollen & uncomfortable. I've taken to wearing sports bras to relieve some pressure & if I take it off it's so sore.

Anything else I've ever read about BC states that if it hurts it's most likely not BC. But mine is & it's getting bigger.

I just don't know what to think & it's causing so much anxiety .. manifesting in the early awakenings..
My head tells me that it's being in the public health system .. that waiting is normal. Has that been the case with anyone else?

In the initial consult McYummy stated that he didn't want to operate first if the tumor was as large as he seems to think. That would more than likely mean a mastectomy & evidence now suggests that having chemo to shrink the tumor & then a less invasvie surgery is just as effective as having a mastectomy & chemo/radiotherapy after.
Really? I don't bloody know!!

What I DO know is this ..
I'm scared
I'm angry
I'm frustrated
I'm confused
I'M BLOODY TIRED !!!!

In 4 1/2 hours I have to sit through a crucial training session for work. I need to focus. I need to be on the ball & concentrate for 3 1/2 hours.
And then leave the training session 4 hours early to toddle off to see McYummy again.

So today is the Day of Reckoning ...

7 Replies

  • Susan1101's avatar
    Susan1101
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Ali,
    I'm south of Perth .. but I've spent a good deal of time these past few weeks (especially the last couple of days) at RPH.
    I think it's going to become my second home :(
    I will be updating the next stage of my journey in an updated blog either later this evening if I can stay awake or tomorrow if I get the 3.30am internal alarm.
    Thanks for your thoughts - on a bit of a downer today & the message helped :)
    Susan xx

  • vickic_happy's avatar
    vickic_happy
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hiya - I so understand what you're saying !  I was diagnosed just before xmas 2011 - and 2 wks later was in (public) having a lumpectomy.  Once you get the full diagnosis things happen at a great speed - which is brilliant for me as it gave me no time to stop and thing and get even more worried !!  I'd love to know how you are going - just know that this site is a wonderful place - even if you just read posts - full of info and it's great to know that you are not the only one feeling the way you do ! take care xxxx

  • vickic_happy's avatar
    vickic_happy
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hiya - I so understand what you're saying !  I was diagnosed just before xmas 2011 - and 2 wks later was in (public) having a lumpectomy.  Once you get the full diagnosis things happen at a great speed - which is brilliant for me as it gave me no time to stop and thing and get even more worried !!  I'd love to know how you are going - just know that this site is a wonderful place - even if you just read posts - full of info and it's great to know that you are not the only one feeling the way you do ! take care xxxx

  • Al's avatar
    Al
    Member
    14 years ago

    It's ok to be scared. My diagnosis and surgery happened very quickly as did the chemo and radiotherapy ( finished on the 15th March!) I was lucky ( or unlucky?) to be in the private health system and i had my op 2 weeks after diagnosis. I had grade 3 stage 1B cancer which luckily didn't spread to the lymph nodes. I was only offered chemo largely because of the size and grade of the tumour.

    Good luck with your journey. The fear will subside. Blog away anytime. We are always here. ( Where is Perth are you? I'm in the north). Great to have another WA -ite on this site!!

    Take care and I'll be thinking of you

    Alison xx

  • Al's avatar
    Al
    Member
    14 years ago

    It's ok to be scared. My diagnosis and surgery happened very quickly as did the chemo and radiotherapy ( finished on the 15th March!) I was lucky ( or unlucky?) to be in the private health system and i had my op 2 weeks after diagnosis. I had grade 3 stage 1B cancer which luckily didn't spread to the lymph nodes. I was only offered chemo largely because of the size and grade of the tumour.

    Good luck with your journey. The fear will subside. Blog away anytime. We are always here. ( Where is Perth are you? I'm in the north). Great to have another WA -ite on this site!!

    Take care and I'll be thinking of you

    Alison xx

  • Al's avatar
    Al
    Member
    14 years ago

    It's ok to be scared. My diagnosis and surgery happened very quickly as did the chemo and radiotherapy ( finished on the 15th March!) I was lucky ( or unlucky?) to be in the private health system and i had my op 2 weeks after diagnosis. I had grade 3 stage 1B cancer which luckily didn't spread to the lymph nodes. I was only offered chemo largely because of the size and grade of the tumour.

    Good luck with your journey. The fear will subside. Blog away anytime. We are always here. ( Where is Perth are you? I'm in the north). Great to have another WA -ite on this site!!

    Take care and I'll be thinking of you

    Alison xx

  • Cheryl_D's avatar
    Cheryl_D
    Member
    14 years ago

    Ah yes I remember the waiting, it was all we ever seemed to do but don't panic, they know what they are doing you just have to make sure they keep you fully informed.

    My lump was 27mm and was taken out before chemo so I dont have your situation but they did have to go back in 2 weeks later to confirm clear margins so Dr.McYummy may be trying to prevent that happening to you, he may also be looking at just a lumpectomy and hopefully this will aply to you but what will be will be.

    I too am public and would not have gone any other way as you can get so many more opinions and options free of charge!

    My wake time is 3.36 am so it's a shame we aren't in the same state as we could coffee, lol.

    As you are well aware we are all here day and night to chat so just send and sos and boom, some little pink angel will guide you through the next difficult situation as there always seems to be one during this phase so try to breathe and read as much info as possible so you know the questions to ask.

    Is there a breast nurse at your hospital as she will help you with problems that arise and why did you  not receive your Berlie Bra at your hospital visit as they are so comfy so you better do an enquiry on that one.

    I know it's all horrid right now and I recall the waiting with anxiety  all over your body but it all falls into place and soon you will be in the system  having appointments and visits and wont have too much time to yourself so get some organising done now, plan all you can for the next few months as you will need time to recover physically, emotionally and mentally and I send my best wishes to you so just remember we are here and get onto that breast nurse,

    Regards

    Cheryl