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Molly001's avatar
Molly001
Member
9 years ago

Chemo starting Thursday

So, I will have 6 rounds of (3 weekly) TAC, starting Thursday. My mood this week has been low, despite my best efforts to stay positive, with a 'cry in the shower' morning today. I guess I had been thinking of my mastectomy as more a corrective surgery than a treatment, whereas the chemo is a blunt reminder that I'm fighting a potentially life threatening disease. The list of possible side effects has me freaked, tho I'm hoping some of my worries will be eased at my education session on Tuesday. I'm the sort of person who will overthink it all. Stupidly, the thing that has me really bothered is that I'll probably get too unwell stay on top of things. I'm a bit of a control-freak and I can get quite anxious if things aren't kept in order and done just so. My partner is a bit of a slob too. So I'm feeling completely out of control of my health, my household, my finances, my children, my career & my social life. Must keep reminding myself it's just a few months and I will probably still be able to do lots of things during treatment.

Also had a bit of a melt down after visiting Myer to look at their range of bras and book a prosthesis fitting, only to realise I'm not emotionally or physically healed enough for that yet. I'm very small busted, so I'm more upset about no longer being able to wear a moulded push-up bra for my good side than my lack of breast on my mastectomy side. I never had a problem with the little I had left after my two babies were done with them, but I now hate the one breast I have left. Sorry for the whinge about the small stuff. Sometimes just getting it out there puts things into perspective and helps the smile come a bit more easily.

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  • Molly001's avatar
    Molly001
    Member
    9 years ago
    Thank you for your kind words and advice. Alice, my children are 4yo & 18 months, so not able to help really. I have had offers of help, I will just need to learn to accept it. I think I have mild OCD, which seems to run in my family. Being highly organised and loving routine has served me well as a parent and school teacher, but I can and will accept necessary changes to take care of myself. Iserbrown, I like the idea of planning ahead and delegating so I still feel in control of it all. Thanks again.
    Molly
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    9 years ago
    Dear @Molly001
    You have identified your own worst enemy, the tendency to overthink. I know that feeling well, but one thing we all learn during treatment is to preserve our energy and expending it on things that may never happen is a bit of a waste. So one step at a time. You'll probably get a bit of a pattern over three weekly treatments, so you will get to know when you feel good or not so good. You may, as others have pointed out, feel OK. I worked throughout two lots of chemo, because I was remarkably asymptomatic. Once you know, you can plan much better. 

    The loss of a breast is what it is. We just lost a part of our body with which we had a close, if not always entirely happy, relationship. It takes a while to work out what's best to do long term and there is no rush. You need to heal and take your time. Chances are you will be happy, like many other women who have been through this, with your final decisions.

    Very best wishes
  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Molly - as the others have said not everyone has all the side effects and some even glide through.  Where you will sit with that who knows and there is no point in over thinking that which hasn't happened yet! 
    You mentioned you are a control freak.  Get your lists together and then go about finding a solution to what it is:  Cleaning - are the other members of the family going to step up or should you get in touch with the local Council for home help?  Food - doing extra meals now and into the freezer or batches of spag bol or soup or muffins or whatever the family favourite is and into the freezer will help.  Do you have friends or family that can help out with food.  School run - are the children still young and you need help with pick up and drop off.  Yourself, do you have what you need for relaxation during treatment?  Laundry - will the family members be able to look after this or someone to help?  Putting your thoughts into organisation of your household will help you to still have that control.  And here's hoping you can manage some of it yourself!
    Wishing you a smooth ride through treatment! 
    Check this site and you will find other posts around home help services, Look Good Feel Better program (a must for you and it is free) and Otis Retreats (a holiday opportunity for you and your family for free).  Opportunities that help us all to find time to relax and cope with where we are at
    Tears are fine
    Take care xx
  • Zoffiel's avatar
    Zoffiel
    Member
    9 years ago
    You may do better than you expect to. Chemo is unpredictable and you can have good rounds and bad rounds with no rhyme or reason why. I think most of us have at least a few days each cycle where there is enough energy to get a surprising amount done. You may be really lucky and skate through it with little trouble at all. Ive found getting up early and crashing in the afternoon works best for me. Anyway, nothing is going to change through worrying about it and, as I can tell you, general disarray can be distressing but rarely deadly. You can clean up later.

    Hating that one lonely boob is understandable. It's not small stuff at all. The whole business sucks but the alternative isn't great. Good luck.
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    Its overwhelming and even though my treatment was stopped in January my house is still not in order as I am back at work and sorting accumulated crap does my head in. I now have a cleaner which really has taken the pressure off ...but will eventually get my home back into an order. Just do the best you can. Kath x
  • SoldierCrab's avatar
    SoldierCrab
    Member
    9 years ago
    OH @Molly001 its ok to vent and have a cry... they are healthy ways to deal with the crap that is our roller coaster ride of BC treatments. 
    Not everyone gets side effects and some side effects are easily enough managed by telling your team about them. 
    Did you know you can ask for home help while going through treatment? do you have a breast care nurse ask her for a referral. 
    I want to encourage you that 4 years down the track I am back at life doing the things we need to do as a mum, wife, daughter sister etc. ..... Please ask for help from friends and family and if none available ask for help from the BC nurse she will know what you can access during this time. 
    how old are your children ? can they be given small tasks depending on ages to  help around the house. 

    You need to focus on allowing your body to cope with treatment and get healthy again. 

    Hugs and energy 
    Alice xoxo