Hi I just need to rant. My onc phoned me today to let me know that when they did the full body bone scan & ct of liver lungs kidneys & stomach, they have found something on my lungs. He said they were going to refer me to respiratory dept & that I'll have to have a biopsy, that they couldn't say what it is but just that its not normal. Just what I need to hear while I'm waiting for my rad starts. Just what my over active imagination (which I'v only just acquired) needs at the moment. And I need to have a rant about my family (sorry in advance). They talk about how good large families are, pfft. I'm one of six & between my kids & step kids (who I bought up as my own) there are 5. I made sure that I rang everyone of them personally when I was diagnosed at the end of Jan & before I had my op. Not ONE of my 5 siblings has rung or contacted me at all & only one of my sons who lives interstate & my step daughter has been keeping in regular contact with me. When I have mentioned to Mum about my siblings not contacting me she always uses the excuse they have been asking her how I am. But my answer to that is, I'm the one with cancer not her & I need their support. One of my brothers is a highly qualified ICU nurse & I thought he might have given me a call since I actually told his wife because I couldn't get him on the phone, but nup not a word. Am I being selfish or am I right in feeling like no one but 2 of my 5 kids & my parents seem to care??? Paula

Hi Paula, sorry to hear about the issue with your lung. I know the feeling how it feels to have a setback like this. Last week I found a new lump in my new breast. I saw the doctor yesterday and now have to wait for an ultrasound to see what it is. It's like two steps forward one step back. It's so hard when we are let down by family and it can be hurtful. I don't think they are trying to be hurtful, I think that sometimes family think that we have so much on our plates that they don't want to add to that by constantly interfering or bothering us. Bottom line is that they just don't get it. They don't know what it is like to have cancer. They don't know what we need. And some of them may never know unless we tell them. Maybe you could reach out and call them and say you are finding it really hard and just need to hear their voice, and maybe they can call you each week, each fortnight for a chat. Then it is directly on them. At the moment maybe they don't know what to do. I don't know if this would work, just a suggestion because I really hope you feel better and things improve. Hang in there. Sending hugs. Nadine

Hi Paula, Sorry to hear about your scan results...hoping it's nothing to worry about.... You are not being selfish at all....if you are like me I am the one that always there for everyone...no matter what...now that the tables have turned even some of my friends have not reacted the way I thought they would.....as far as family go..my 3 siblings want nothing to do with me since our father passed,(before that they had alterior motives I have now discovered) who I nursed by the way, two of my siblings actually are nurses! I contacted my sister to tell her of my diagnosis, I didn't want sympathy, just wanted to let her know as our mother has had breast cancer as well, by the way she doesn't talk to me either...my sister told me she didn't know how to respond and that i'll be fine and to never contact her again....THAT hurt more than the ignorance and fake-ness she showed during dads illness and it hurt more than my own diagnosis! I honestly don't know where I got my empathy from it certainly wasn't from any of them. They do say the ones closest to you hurt you the most.... I am ever so grateful that I have my husbands family, they are my real family... best of luck with all of you treatments

Thanks Nadine, Im not sure what their problem is. Im finding it hard to think positively about them because I always seem to be the fix it person. I think your idea about ringing them is worth a try. Sorry to hear about your new lump, I'v got my fingers crossed for you Paula

Lets hope the biopsy turns out to be benign for you Paula, goodness knows you need a break. Ignore the selfish family members. Direct quote from my sis at Christmas dinner 'we don't want to hear about that'. Fair enough, stick with those who stick with you, they are worth 10 of the others.

Hi Scorpioqueen, family suck sometimes don't they. Im sorry for the way you have been treated. It seems to me that lots of families have the fix it person who is always there & when they need a bit of support its almost like they have leprosy. A few years ago I spent 8 out of a 12 month period in hospital in 2 stints & I didn't hear from anyone then either so I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. But I thought as this time its cancer it would make a difference. But you're right it does hurt. My inlaws even said to my hubby just the other day "but its not cancer tho is it" yet he told them when I was diagnosed that it was bc & I was having surgery. I mean really some people. Paula

Cant Take a Trick | BCNA Online Network

20 Replies

PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Thanks Lyn
lrb_03
Member
10 years ago
All these stories make me realise how lucky I am. My family & friends have been incredibly supportive since my diagnosis last May. So thank you all for reminding me not to take them for granted.

Paula, I hope the tests & results on your lung will be ok, but I think we all know how hard it can be to stay positive.

Take care, Lyn
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Family can be strange I'm finding out. You're right when you say that you can choose your friend but not your family. Paula
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Hi Eileen we'll both keep our fingers crossed for each other then. Paula
Cate64
Member
10 years ago
So sorry PaulaN, I know exactly where you are coming from.

My sister, whom I have always been quite close with picked a fight over something she felt I implied told me I needed to grow up & hung up on me & I have not heard from her since.

Of all things, she felt I 'implied' she wasn't welcome at my house because she doesn't like my dog!!! Can you believe it?? I wasn't even given an opportunity to say Im sorry if you felt I implied that because it certainly wasn't meant that way, you are welcome at my house anytime.

I stared at the phone thinking did that just really happen for 10 minutes before thinking to myself let it go you have more important things to deal with right now.

People I barely know on the other hand have been a tower of strength for me, they have gone above & beyond anything. It lends strength to the saying you can choose your friends but not your family...
skitzy
Member
10 years ago
Sorry to hear about the family & lung problem Paula.

I was told after the CT scan in January that I had a node on the lung & that they would keep an eye on it,

When I had the follow up appointment after the axillary clearance my husband mentioned it & the junior DR could not find anything in the notes, she then said I think the node is just a lymph node what the sentinal dye showed up in the middle of the chest next to the lung. It wasn't until we got home I realised the CT scan results had been given to us before the SN biopsy took place.

I have another CT scan on the 8th so I hope that it is nothing to worry about for you or myself.

Sending thoughts & prayers & healing vibes.

Eileen xx
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Thanks Kath, they said that they didn't know what the shadow on my lung is just that it shouldn't be there & they're going to pass it on to the resp dept. I thought about opening a family facebook page for a nano second before I thought "na stuff them if they want to know they can keep asking Mum & ignoring me". But you know what as much as its REALLY hurting me now, when something goes wrong for them stooped me will be there for them.

Paula
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Hi Karen yup family suck sometimes. Thanks for your good wishes about the lung results. I'll be sure to let you know. Paula
primek
Member
10 years ago
You have every reason to feel anxious but I guess they would have told you if they thought it looked like mets. I can relate to siblings and children not keeping in contact. I know they care and worry...as they ask my sister stuff...but I too find it odd that they don't contact me. Aaah well, we can't change people. I even set up a family facebook account and just get "like" even on the crappy stuff. Not even an encouraging word. I don't understand it and quite frankly don't have the mental energy to worry about it. I figure just spend the time with people that bring you joy when you feel you can and just box up the emotion on the rest. Take care. Kath x
Cook65
Member
10 years ago
Hi Paula,

not great news about the lung. I shall keep everything crossed that it is nothing. It's so horrible waiting and wondering.

As far as the family goes, yep, I think you have every right to be upset. I don't know what people think. I remember a girlfriend saying "oh but I thought you were doing fine." Hello!!! Being treated for bloody cancer. Been hospitalised a number of times due to being so ill from chemo! How the hell is that fine? I don't know if they pretend it's not happening then it's not really happening or they don't know what to say so they say nothing or what! I don't get it and I have no words of comfort or advice. Just surround yourself with the ones who do care and do support you. It's just so hurtful though. Good luck with your results and let us know how you go. Karen xox

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