Hi I just need to rant. My onc phoned me today to let me know that when they did the full body bone scan & ct of liver lungs kidneys & stomach, they have found something on my lungs. He said they were going to refer me to respiratory dept & that I'll have to have a biopsy, that they couldn't say what it is but just that its not normal. Just what I need to hear while I'm waiting for my rad starts. Just what my over active imagination (which I'v only just acquired) needs at the moment. And I need to have a rant about my family (sorry in advance). They talk about how good large families are, pfft. I'm one of six & between my kids & step kids (who I bought up as my own) there are 5. I made sure that I rang everyone of them personally when I was diagnosed at the end of Jan & before I had my op. Not ONE of my 5 siblings has rung or contacted me at all & only one of my sons who lives interstate & my step daughter has been keeping in regular contact with me. When I have mentioned to Mum about my siblings not contacting me she always uses the excuse they have been asking her how I am. But my answer to that is, I'm the one with cancer not her & I need their support. One of my brothers is a highly qualified ICU nurse & I thought he might have given me a call since I actually told his wife because I couldn't get him on the phone, but nup not a word. Am I being selfish or am I right in feeling like no one but 2 of my 5 kids & my parents seem to care??? Paula

Hi Paula, sorry to hear about the issue with your lung. I know the feeling how it feels to have a setback like this. Last week I found a new lump in my new breast. I saw the doctor yesterday and now have to wait for an ultrasound to see what it is. It's like two steps forward one step back. It's so hard when we are let down by family and it can be hurtful. I don't think they are trying to be hurtful, I think that sometimes family think that we have so much on our plates that they don't want to add to that by constantly interfering or bothering us. Bottom line is that they just don't get it. They don't know what it is like to have cancer. They don't know what we need. And some of them may never know unless we tell them. Maybe you could reach out and call them and say you are finding it really hard and just need to hear their voice, and maybe they can call you each week, each fortnight for a chat. Then it is directly on them. At the moment maybe they don't know what to do. I don't know if this would work, just a suggestion because I really hope you feel better and things improve. Hang in there. Sending hugs. Nadine

Hi Paula, Sorry to hear about your scan results...hoping it's nothing to worry about.... You are not being selfish at all....if you are like me I am the one that always there for everyone...no matter what...now that the tables have turned even some of my friends have not reacted the way I thought they would.....as far as family go..my 3 siblings want nothing to do with me since our father passed,(before that they had alterior motives I have now discovered) who I nursed by the way, two of my siblings actually are nurses! I contacted my sister to tell her of my diagnosis, I didn't want sympathy, just wanted to let her know as our mother has had breast cancer as well, by the way she doesn't talk to me either...my sister told me she didn't know how to respond and that i'll be fine and to never contact her again....THAT hurt more than the ignorance and fake-ness she showed during dads illness and it hurt more than my own diagnosis! I honestly don't know where I got my empathy from it certainly wasn't from any of them. They do say the ones closest to you hurt you the most.... I am ever so grateful that I have my husbands family, they are my real family... best of luck with all of you treatments

Thanks Nadine, Im not sure what their problem is. Im finding it hard to think positively about them because I always seem to be the fix it person. I think your idea about ringing them is worth a try. Sorry to hear about your new lump, I'v got my fingers crossed for you Paula

Lets hope the biopsy turns out to be benign for you Paula, goodness knows you need a break. Ignore the selfish family members. Direct quote from my sis at Christmas dinner 'we don't want to hear about that'. Fair enough, stick with those who stick with you, they are worth 10 of the others.

Hi Scorpioqueen, family suck sometimes don't they. Im sorry for the way you have been treated. It seems to me that lots of families have the fix it person who is always there & when they need a bit of support its almost like they have leprosy. A few years ago I spent 8 out of a 12 month period in hospital in 2 stints & I didn't hear from anyone then either so I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. But I thought as this time its cancer it would make a difference. But you're right it does hurt. My inlaws even said to my hubby just the other day "but its not cancer tho is it" yet he told them when I was diagnosed that it was bc & I was having surgery. I mean really some people. Paula

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Nadi
Member
10 years ago
Hi Paula, sorry to hear about the issue with your lung. I know the feeling how it feels to have a setback like this. Last week I found a new lump in my new breast. I saw the doctor yesterday and now have to wait for an ultrasound to see what it is. It's like two steps forward one step back.

It's so hard when we are let down by family and it can be hurtful. I don't think they are trying to be hurtful, I think that sometimes family think that we have so much on our plates that they don't want to add to that by constantly interfering or bothering us. Bottom line is that they just don't get it. They don't know what it is like to have cancer. They don't know what we need. And some of them may never know unless we tell them.

Maybe you could reach out and call them and say you are finding it really hard and just need to hear their voice, and maybe they can call you each week, each fortnight for a chat. Then it is directly on them. At the moment maybe they don't know what to do.

I don't know if this would work, just a suggestion because I really hope you feel better and things improve. Hang in there. Sending hugs.

Nadine
ScorpionQueen
Member
10 years ago
Hi Paula, Sorry to hear about your scan results...hoping it's nothing to worry about....

You are not being selfish at all....if you are like me I am the one that always there for everyone...no matter what...now that the tables have turned even some of my friends have not reacted the way I thought they would.....as far as family go..my 3 siblings want nothing to do with me since our father passed,(before that they had alterior motives I have now discovered) who I nursed by the way, two of my siblings actually are nurses! I contacted my sister to tell her of my diagnosis, I didn't want sympathy, just wanted to let her know as our mother has had breast cancer as well, by the way she doesn't talk to me either...my sister told me she didn't know how to respond and that i'll be fine and to never contact her again....THAT hurt more than the ignorance and fake-ness she showed during dads illness and it hurt more than my own diagnosis! I honestly don't know where I got my empathy from it certainly wasn't from any of them.

They do say the ones closest to you hurt you the most.... I am ever so grateful that I have my husbands family, they are my real family...

best of luck with all of you treatments
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Thanks Nadine, Im not sure what their problem is. Im finding it hard to think positively about them because I always seem to be the fix it person. I think your idea about ringing them is worth a try. Sorry to hear about your new lump, I'v got my fingers crossed for you Paula
Brenda5
Member
10 years ago
Lets hope the biopsy turns out to be benign for you Paula, goodness knows you need a break.

Ignore the selfish family members. Direct quote from my sis at Christmas dinner 'we don't want to hear about that'. Fair enough, stick with those who stick with you, they are worth 10 of the others.
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Hi Scorpioqueen, family suck sometimes don't they. Im sorry for the way you have been treated. It seems to me that lots of families have the fix it person who is always there & when they need a bit of support its almost like they have leprosy. A few years ago I spent 8 out of a 12 month period in hospital in 2 stints & I didn't hear from anyone then either so I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. But I thought as this time its cancer it would make a difference. But you're right it does hurt. My inlaws even said to my hubby just the other day "but its not cancer tho is it" yet he told them when I was diagnosed that it was bc & I was having surgery. I mean really some people.

Paula
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Hi Brenda, you're right about sticking with the ones who stick with you, but at the moment with the place my heads at, I'm probably being more sensitive than I usually am. I'm hoping the biopsy on my lung is ok but am finding it really hard to stay positive.

Paula
Brenda5
Member
10 years ago
Being pessimistic is ok too. Imagine how great you will feel if it turns out to be nothing! On the other hand if its more serious you will have a wonderful team of experts to care for you and all you have to do is do what they tell you in treatments. Guys seem to do better in that kind of thing, perhaps its because we are always bossing them around and they are used to it lol.
Beppie
Member
10 years ago
Hi Paula ,

that is awful . My friends all but one have deserted me and I haven't heard from them in over 2 years. One lives 3 houses away and I thought we were really close but apparently not. I still see her around but I ignore her now. As for family , I'm one of 7 kids. Some rang once a week others monthly and one not at all. One sister had bowel cancer and another one uterine cancer , both in 2010 with her going through lung cancer now - don't know yet if it's a primary or a secondary. Now that sister has a whole new perspective of how I felt when I had breast cancer ( twice). I also nursed my dad , he had breast cancer too but died from lung cancer. I don't think you should be chasing them via phone calls either, but it's usually one member that does it all. So sorry your feeling so hurt and unloved , I know exactly how your feeling and your entitled to be upset and emotional. My support was my daughter aged 22. She came with me to chemo and we played Millionaire on her laptop and she made me laugh.

I had a growth on my lungs too and it was benign but it was scary waiting on results. I really hope yours is nothing too. Try to stay strong , you'll find that you can be even when your crying. Wish you very happy results and a good recovery. Let me know how you get on if you don't mind. ??????Bep xx
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Maybe LOL
PaulaN
Member
10 years ago
Bep thank you so much for your reply. You got exactly how I feel, unloved & invisible I suppose. I wasn't going to tell anyone about my lung issue because my Dad is being checked for bladder cancer & is seeing the onc tomorrow & I didn't want to worry Mum & Dad anymore. But I decided to let Mum know because she's a huge support & tries to drum into me "we wont worry about it until we know" & this morning she said that & not to get upset YET but if I do Im to ring her (which I wont LOL). I know that she'll tell my siblings when she talks to them but not expecting any miracles there.

I lost all my friends years ago when I was diagnosed with major depression which I still suffer from. Now its basically my partner & me. I joke that friends are over-rated.

My son who lives is Sydney is great and often rings to check on me & my step daughter who I brought up & consider my own rings every day. Then there's Mum & Dad even though its Mum who rings but I know Dad's basically standing beside her. Maybe I should think that's enough, but I really thought my siblings would be there for me.

Sorry about the rant but its where Im at at the moment.

I wish this infection would heal so I can start rad.

Paula