Hi everyone, my name is Deb and on the 13th of March 2012, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I hade a lumpectomy followed by 18 weeks of chemo and 6 weeks of radio. All the margins were clear as were the lymph nodes. On the 9th October 2013, I was diagnosed with local reccurance breast cancer. This Thursday I wil have a mastectomy. I am petrified that I'm going to die.. I have a beautiful husband and 2 amazing kids aged 11 and 13. I am struggling with the fact that it has come back in such a short time. I'm struggling with the fact that I will be 1200 k's away from my kids for at least 2 weeks. I'm struggling with the fact that it is costing so much. Every time I ring the cancer council, they ask me if I'm suicidal, it makes me want to scream! I just want some help. My 40th birthday was in June and I just want to be. Here to see my babies grow up.

YES,you can do it again and hopefully,like me you'll be ok again.I'm so sorry to hear you have bc again -you and your kids are so young,it's not fair.Like you,I had a lumpectomy,full node clearance(clear margins,clear nodes) followed by radiation back in 2003-I was 47 yrs old.. The cancer came back 7 years later(2010)in the very same spot so had to have a mastectomy then chemo and now on Tamoxifen. When I got the recurrence,I had to have full body and bone scans and luckily,I got the all clear.So it was classed as early bc again.I have to say that I now have reservations about lumpectomies and radiation.I've heard of alot of ladies like us.If I want a reconstruction later then I can only have a Diep flap.I seem to be fine now but the worry is always there in the back of your mind.You are stronger than you think and you'll do what you have to do.It will be hard to be away from your family for 2 weeks.Where are you having your surgery?Perhaps some of your pink sisters on this network might live close by? The surgery is similar to a lumpectomy-painwise,recoverywise,drainwise.Please blog back if you have any questions.I know you would be scared and anxious but suicidal?really???-don't scream,save your energy for what's to come.If it's early bc again Deb,then you are going to be ok like many of us here who've had a recurrence in the same breast. Sending hugs,Tonya xx

Thank you so much Tonya, it means the world to hear from someone who has been there. I have had ct and bone scans but a suspicious mark has come up on my liver. I arrive in brisbane on Tuesday (from Mackay) to have a PET scan so they can see what it is. All we know is that it is 15mm and wasn't there a year ago. I am by no means suicidal, just very down at the moment and scared. I keep thinking worst case scenario and I know I should try to be positive, but it's really hard. It seems like everywhere you try to get help, you have to jump through hoops, it's ridiculous! I just wanted someone to pick us up from the airport and the woman started banging on about suicide and filling out forms etc,etc. I wanted my breast removed with the initial diagnosis but was told they could get it all. I probably won't be a candidate for a reconstruction because of the radiotherapy and the thickening of the skin. But really, I'm not that phased about losing my boob. I just want to survive for another 40 years, but I'd take 10.

Two years ago I had a recurrence just 18mths after my first diagnosis for which I only had lumpectomy/radiation and chemo (only! I did have one lymph node involved). My recurrence was 6 mths after a clear mammogram so I get how scared you are. I went on to have a mastectomy, and more chemo. I am only now planning my reconstruction and yes it will be a tram/diep due to radiation. It was such a scary time, but somehow I managed to get through it and am still here alive and well. I actually recovered better after the mastectomy than my lumpectomy. I think it has something to do with the area being numb so not as much pain. I also adapted well to life with one boob. I have decided to have my other breast off now so hence the reconstruction. Don't get ahead of yourself though, they are decisions you can make later. Just remember you got through this once, and there are lots of us on here who have travelled a similar path. Keep posting if we can help we will. My kids are 12 and 14 so similar age to yours.... Take care and good luck. Paula :)

Thank you Paula. I will try to keep positive. My mum has just arrived from nsw, she is staying with the kids while my husband and I make the trek to brissie. I am a planner, so when thing are out of my control I struggle. I am worried about the cost of accomodation. How we will pay our mortgage and the spot on my liver. I just want to live to see my babies grow up and not send my family broke in the process. It's hard.

Can I do this again? | BCNA Online Network

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TonyaM
Member
12 years ago
YES,you can do it again and hopefully,like me you'll be ok again.I'm so sorry to hear you have bc again -you and your kids are so young,it's not fair.Like you,I had a lumpectomy,full node clearance(clear margins,clear nodes) followed by radiation back in 2003-I was 47 yrs old.. The cancer came back 7 years later(2010)in the very same spot so had to have a mastectomy then chemo and now on Tamoxifen. When I got the recurrence,I had to have full body and bone scans and luckily,I got the all clear.So it was classed as early bc again.I have to say that I now have reservations about lumpectomies and radiation.I've heard of alot of ladies like us.If I want a reconstruction later then I can only have a Diep flap.I seem to be fine now but the worry is always there in the back of your mind.You are stronger than you think and you'll do what you have to do.It will be hard to be away from your family for 2 weeks.Where are you having your surgery?Perhaps some of your pink sisters on this network might live close by? The surgery is similar to a lumpectomy-painwise,recoverywise,drainwise.Please blog back if you have any questions.I know you would be scared and anxious but suicidal?really???-don't scream,save your energy for what's to come.If it's early bc again Deb,then you are going to be ok like many of us here who've had a recurrence in the same breast. Sending hugs,Tonya xx

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