Forum Discussion
Bye bye boobs
Five days to go until I farewell my breasts.
I am comfortable with my decision but nervous about the emotional impact of the outcome. How can you anticipate an amputation of this nature, physically or mentally?
I'm not afraid of medical procedures or pain (eight and a half hours of labour with no painkillers pushing out a 9lb11oz baby...), but I am nervous of being under for 8 - 10 hours. My low blood pressure issues and collapse a few weeks ago are playing on my mind. My GP is being cautious and doing some heart tests and I'll be having a good chat with the anaesthetist.
I'm comforted by the people who've gone before me and say they have no regrets. I know I'm doing the right thing, for me and my family. My lovely breast surgeon agrees. However I am sad. My breasts are actually a body part I liked. We've had some fun over the years; it's challenging to say goodbye to such a delightful erogenous zone.
Nerves and apprehension have been rising as the operation's approached, but have been mostly under control. However last night, after a busy day of distraction, the moment I turned off my light I was swamped with anxiety that went on all night. I had a shocker. The valium I took at 3am didn't help (it was only a 2).
I'm a member of the Choosing Breast Reconstruction Group but it's pretty quiet over there so @iserbrown suggested I post here too, so you all can keep me company through the next bump on this wretched rollercoaster. Black humour welcome!
I am comfortable with my decision but nervous about the emotional impact of the outcome. How can you anticipate an amputation of this nature, physically or mentally?
I'm not afraid of medical procedures or pain (eight and a half hours of labour with no painkillers pushing out a 9lb11oz baby...), but I am nervous of being under for 8 - 10 hours. My low blood pressure issues and collapse a few weeks ago are playing on my mind. My GP is being cautious and doing some heart tests and I'll be having a good chat with the anaesthetist.
I'm comforted by the people who've gone before me and say they have no regrets. I know I'm doing the right thing, for me and my family. My lovely breast surgeon agrees. However I am sad. My breasts are actually a body part I liked. We've had some fun over the years; it's challenging to say goodbye to such a delightful erogenous zone.
Nerves and apprehension have been rising as the operation's approached, but have been mostly under control. However last night, after a busy day of distraction, the moment I turned off my light I was swamped with anxiety that went on all night. I had a shocker. The valium I took at 3am didn't help (it was only a 2).
I'm a member of the Choosing Breast Reconstruction Group but it's pretty quiet over there so @iserbrown suggested I post here too, so you all can keep me company through the next bump on this wretched rollercoaster. Black humour welcome!
120 Replies
- Right now @Finch I'm busy taking a leaf out of your book and being super organised. I'm cooking two enormous batches of pasta sauce, some to have for the big Sunday family lunch today and the rest to freeze.
A better place is a good way of thinking about it. I'm not there yet mentally, there's grieving for the losses, but I'm going to work on implementing that frame of reference. Thank you for your support amd see you tomorrow! - @kmakm you have got this. This week will be very difficult I'm sure and may be you and your husband and family have to keep reminding yourselves it's going to be. It's a bit like going over the trenches at the Somme .... the wait, the outer calmness and inner turmoil. The knowing and not knowing. The difference is when you go over the top it's to a better place. The operation will be behind you and each minute will be a step forward to health and normality .... and a photo of your new cleavage in one of those summer dresses. xxx
- Whilst I don't have my same deep cleavage as pre recobstruction I actually like how my new breasts look in clothes now and am more comfortable with lower cut stuff than I was before. Go figure.
- Hugs it's a man thing.....
- My husband just told me "Don't worry". I told him that was impossible. Gargh!
- Love how you listen to your body @"Kiwi Angel"! My dietician told me to up the protein through chemo, sounds like your body is on the same page!
And how impressive that you got over a needle phobia by giving blood. Legend! - Impressive that you could joke at that time @Sister! Your medical team sounds wonderful. It gives me comfort that my breast surgeon will be there when I go under, he's great, and he's already operated on me twice so knows the landscape...!
- @onemargie I'm having the recon straightaway, a DIEP. 8 - 10 hours on the table. I have a compromised abdomen on the right from two, ancient surgeries, so I can't get the size I want (it was so upsetting when I discovered this, many tears have been shed and mental adjustments made to accept this reality. The latter still in process), and which will possibly give me wound issues on the right foob. Which of course is the one where all this trouble started and will keep the WLE scar. Needless to say it won't be pretty. But then nothing about this bloody disease is eh? A mastectomy tattoo is definitely on the cards for me.
I polish my stones of steel daily (as I like to think of my ovaries!), but big hairy balls could be useful to boost my armoury this week. I'll give you a holler! Thanks my friend. K xox - Thank you @jennyss, wishes gratefully received :*
- @primek The thought of no cleavage for me makes me sad. I know with time I'll adjust. I have to breathe and accept the change, I am not my breasts. But right now I feel like yet another little part of me has died. All the way along I have been afraid/resentful of how BC will change me, physically and mentally. I do seek the silver lining in having smaller breasts, but sometimes it's hard.
