Bilateral mastectomy

Hi Suzy,

I'm two days out the other side of double mastectomy with expanders, so I know all too well how you feel! This board has been a great help. I had a wonderful weekend last weekend...my final one with my own breasts. I had girls lunch out, massage & facial, girls night out complete with boobie cupcakes, and a wonderful Sunday in the country with my boys. In the weeks leading up to the op, I became very sad at the thought of losing my breasts, they were such an important part of me. My wonderful surgeon referred me to a pychologist at Livingwell.net.au. This lovely lady spent an hour with me last Saturday (in between the girls lunch and dinner) and it helped me enormously.  Definitely try to see if there's a counsellor you can speak to.  It helps.  

I had my son's Year 12 valedictory dinner on Thursday night and then the day of surgery arrived on Friday. It was a long anxious day, I felt regret that I hadn't taken any photos of my breasts before they were gone....I wonder if I'm the only person to have taken selfies in a bra in the public toilet at St Vincents Private Hospital :)  Not that I'll ever show the photos to anyone, and I need to get them off my iphone before any flicks through the valedictory night photos!! But it definitely gave me closure. I did not dance in the operatinge theatre. I cried after the technician put the radioactive dye into my breast for the lymphoscintillogram and then asked me to rub that breast for 5 minutues. I shed tears when they wheeled me into the operatinge theatre...they allowed my husband to come into the pre-operating area and hold my hand. As I write this now, I'm shedding a tear...the first since the op was completed. There is however a sense of calm on the other side of the surgery. The anticipation and buildup and thinking about it are awful....but now it is done, I can only move forward. The day after the op I felt very drugged and knocked around, but today (2 days postop) I've been up and, while I am uncomfortable, I can move my arms more than I thought I'd be able to and the pain is bearable. The drainage tubes are extremely annoying and I can't wait for them to be out....although this will likely be another 7-10 days or so....I'm sure I'll accidently rip one of them out before then!

The happy times of the week or two before my surgery, and the love and concern of my friends has sustained me. When I felt overwhelmed by the reality on Friday, I kept thinking back to one of the special moments with friends and loved ones from the previous week.  I'm now ready to heal and recover as quickly as possible. Plan something nice to look forward to. For me, I have now been through 2 previous surgeries (lumpectomy, then re-excision of the margins), then 6 cycles of chemo and now double mastectomy....this is the end of my treatment (apart from switch over to implants and nipple reconstructions).....In January I will be spending 3 weeks at the beach with my boys. We have booked a 5 week trip to Europe for next July....that should give me plenty of incentive to recover my health and stamina. I hope you also can plan a nice treat for yourself to look forward to after surgery. All the best xx

Girls, thanks so much for your messages. I had seen that post if your before Louie but it reminded how important it is to to something before the 'girls' are give to celebrate or remember them. I am out tonight with a bunch of friends for a bye bye boobies night so that should be great. I do keep telling myself this us the right thing to do, to be cancer free and reduce my risks of recurrance. I'll definitely do those things you've all suggested so thankyou. Suzy xx

Hi Suzy, the lead up to mastectomy for me was the hardest few days. The unknown, the fear and the emotions. I recalled how I managed in this post, not sure if you have seen it so here is the link. And I was terrified of regret. http://www.bcna.org.au/network/groups/61026/blog/67893

Everyone is different of course, and you will do what is right for you. If you feel like ypu are losing control perhps ask your GP for an anti anxiety med. This helped me alot leading up to and post surgey which was a very emotional time also.

Good luck and I hope you let us know how you get on,

XXX Louie

Hi Suzy. Jeanine has said it all and said it beautifully. There isn't much I can add but to say that it's perfectly normal what you are feeling. I just kept telling myself that I'm doing everything I can to get rid of cancer and minimise the risk of it recurring or coming back. I actually had a little get together with my girlfriends and female members of my family as a 'farewell boobies' party a few days before my op. We had a great time laughing and crying but mostly laughing. It was very cleansing. I also made sure I had everything I needed for hospital. Lastly I had a quite dinner with my husband and two children and we watched a really funny movie the night before I was due to go in. If you can't sleep, it might be a good idea to get some sleeping tablets to knock yourself out for a couple of nights as you'll need to rest up before your surgery. I did :) Keep telling yourself, this is what you need to do. Do some meditation and listen to relaxing music. It's a very nerve racking time but you'll get through. Love yourself and your family right now. Sending you lots of hugs Love Janey xxx

Hi Suzy. Jeanine has said it all and said it beautifully. There isn't much I can add but to say that it's perfectly normal what you are feeling. I just kept telling myself that I'm doing everything I can to get rid of cancer and minimise the risk of it recurring or coming back. I actually had a little get together with my girlfriends and female members of my family as a 'farewell boobies' party a few days before my op. We had a great time laughing and crying but mostly laughing. It was very cleansing. I also made sure I had everything I needed for hospital. Lastly I had a quite dinner with my husband and two children and we watched a really funny movie the night before I was due to go in. If you can't sleep, it might be a good idea to get some sleeping tablets to knock yourself out for a couple of nights as you'll need to rest up before your surgery. I did :) Keep telling yourself, this is what you need to do. Do some meditation and listen to relaxing music. It's a very nerve racking time but you'll get through. Love yourself and your family right now. Sending you lots of hugs Love Janey xxx

I'm so sorry to read about your diagnosis and impending surgery. I was in your shoes 16 months ago - trying to absorb the shock of a BC diagnosis and facing the terrifying prospect of bilateral mastectomies with expander implants. I had 13 days from diagnosis to surgery - truly the longest and scariest days I've ever faced. My biggest fear was of the unknown. I was so scared of what the pain might be like and of losing part of myself. I woke up crying every night feeling as though I was in a nightmare. I won't lie to you and say that the surgery was a breeze and that it wasn't painful. It was very difficult but once I was in hospital and things started happening, it was easier to deal with. I had lots of support which really helped but I do wish I had spoken with a counsellor because I have struggled with a profound sense of loss. Don't get me wrong - I'm so grateful to be alive and cancer-free, but as much as I didn't have strong feelings of love for my breasts, they were a part of me and now I don't have them anymore. You may not feel this way - everyone is different - but I wanted to let you know that I have survived five surgeries with another one to go and life does go on. You will find wonderful support on this network as many lovely ladies have suffered the same fate. Please keep us updated with progress reports and remember that if you are unhappy with any part if your treatment, speak up - be your own advocate and demand better care - you deserve it. Sending you positive thoughts and healing hugs, Xxx JeanineG