AC Chemo - Day 5 (or should we say 'my arse is on fire')

OK... Day 5 slightly more eventfull than desired.

Started off normal - like other days. Considering my day 4 fiasco with meds I took extra steps to ensure I took the correct meds in the correct order.

Made myself nice spelt bread toast with avocado and red pepper dip which really hit the spot brekkie wise. Just love that tangy vinegary red pepper taste as cuts through this coated tongue of mine allowing me to actually taste the food.

The story obviously starts nice and easy and one would think birds are about to chirp, butterflies are circling my head, Bamby is grazing nearby etc...

Yeah right... maybe 10 minutes post finishing my brekkie before I could even make myself a coffee from the just boiled kettle that horrid queezy feeling in the gut - the one that usually gets your brain to scan for the nearest loo as there is an explosion about to happen hits me.

OMG - there is a volcano in my gut... I managed to get to the loo in time (THANKFULLY) and all I can say is MY ARSE IS ON FIRE !!!!!

I appologise if this offends anyone and I thought long and hard how to express what happened but there is no delicate way of going about it and we are all adults so not going to sugercoat it.

The explosion that took place and what was thankfully expelled was like molten lava and hydrochloric acid combined. I imagined and craved for a paddle pop icecream which I felt at the time would be beast used to shove it where sun does not shine to help put out some of the fire ????????

Well all said and done I dragged my sorry arse off the loo and offcourse the fire in the belly still raging making me think there is part 2 of the "Dragon Arse" about to take place so I set myself in the sofa both feeling sorry for myself and panicking at the same time that I must have food poisoning and cursing those 2 tablespoons of yoghurt I added to my spag bol the day before.

Yes offcourse I reach for the thermometar but it sits happily on 37.2

I should be happy at that but offcourse until then it was below 36.7 so egged on by my burning backside and the tornado that is spinning creating a vortex in my gut I am starting to panic... I have an infection!!! I am so stupid!!! How could I have been THAT stupid!!!

And all that time offcourse sucking on a bottle of water that the taste of at this stage is making me want to puke but I had the runs so need liquids

Am embarassed to say that the case of runs and seriously scortched backside had me curled up in a sofa for a good hour like a baby.

I mean seriously - I am 44 years old and here is me sitting like a kid admonishing myself over my weakness for what at the time seemed like a nice cooling refreshing tablespoon of yoghurt. I was certain that it was food poisoning. The damage was done...

Well after an hour of being a sooky freak (still feeling like there is a volcano in the gut but managing to avoid further loo trips) I decide to use the "help" card I was given in case I did contract an infection - the 'advice line should I hit 38deg'

Temp still happily sitting at 37.2 I dial the number sheepishly thinking how do I explain I am calling over a case of a burning backside...

Fortunately it did ring out a few times before I got through and by that stage brain did start to function and I did explain in a cohesive manner what had happened and just wanted to run past them if that was normal or if I should worry about food poisoning.

Thankfully, seems I must not have been the first as the calm friendly voice on the other side implied that was Chemo and not food poisoning, to keep the fluids up and if it persisted to get myself a tablet from the Chemist the next day. Offcourse I was to stop movicol until this settled but to proceed with everything else as previously instructed.

This is where me and my burning arse are put to shame.  I start to think just how much of an idiot I was freaking out the way I did. Yes a 44yo freaked out like a toddler... BUT that stays between you and I ladies - not admitting that in pubnnI or to anyone that knows me - ever...

Well I got my sorry still on fire backside off the sofa and made myself a coffee then proceeded to plonk back into that same sofa too scared that moving about would result in further lava erruptions.

That is when what will be from this day forward be known as the 'endless toxic cloud' hit. OMG!!!! For the rest of the day and frankly throughout the night the amount of gas my poor belly produced was astounding. There was no stopping or slowing it down. And unlike the burping of the days before this was hitting south and sounding like Moses was parting the Red sea... I should also mention that it continued to cause my backside to burn as I swear after it is expelled it feels like someone has washed my backside with hydrochloric acid. Weirdly there is no smell to it - well not weirdly - I should say THANKFULLY... but the soundeffects had me hide my 'shame' from other human populace. And I am still in hiding.

So the rest of yesterday went by with me sitting on a sofa not wanting to move my tender tummy in fear of erruptions, unsuccesfully trying to drink water which suddenly to me tasted like mud and attempting to not think about my burning backside (easier said than done as I am preocupied by a case of a seriously burning arse)

I did also have a call from the lively breast care nurse who wanted to touch base who also reassured me my newly discovered volcano was normal and suggested that since I have been avoiding nausea thus far it would be a good idea to cease anti nausea meds.

So what did I learn yesterday?

I have a newly found respect for my gut as the toxic mess that it has been contending with these 5 days obviously is trully toxic considering my backside's failure to handle it with dignity.

Soap free skin wash is just brilliant at dousing and mittigating the fire left behind on one's private parts by the toxic lava. Seriously helped a lot being able to wash with cool water and creamy soap free gentle wash.

When you cannot stomach water do mix it with pure fruit juice or make a 'clear soup' by pouring boiling water over 1tsp of vegetable stock powder. Both helped me down the liquid which seemed like an impossible task previously and apart from helping hydrate both the sugar and salt help with electrolites...

Do not panic when faced with your body doing the unpredictable even if it is scary at the time as these damn toxins do their own thing so it may not be something you did that is causing the grief but it may be just simply part and parcel of the damn Chemo.

Learn to accept that at some stage your body will do things that convention deems innaprioriate (like fart so loudly that the mountains 60km away shake in terror). It is that way for a reason I guess and there should be no shame to it and when we talk talk toxic crap - better out than in... I guess now just need to find Spot the dog to blame it on if I ever dare venture in public ??

As far as cloudy brain goes, itchyness and feeling like I could sleep forever all is still well and trully accounted for. Nothing overly drastic or impossible to deal with.

Still very much wondering how I can be this placid for this long and at the same time (while dealing with my backside that is still on fire) starting to mull over 'ice cream for your butt' or 'buttsickle' business ideas that may be a great way to make money out of one day... Wondering if I should call up that show "shark tank" and see if there is any interest - just need to figure ouT the best way to demonstrate it on National TV ????????

So much from the Chief Fire Bum here - off I go to try and put out the fire...

Jel.