Forum Discussion
A year in my garden
The cancer came.
I sat in the garden and cried into the asparagus, wondering if I would live to eat the tender spears.
Through chemotherapy the garden offered up ginger for nausea and watercress for soup. I had no energy. I resorted to weed killer, leaving the garden bald and barren.
When the fever came I rode it, hoping it wouldn’t become life threatening neutropenia. There was too much rain and the garden became waterlogged. I sweated. The fever broke. Three of my four tumours were gone.
Before surgery I hurt my elbow when, with a sudden rush of adrenaline fuelled energy, I pruned the apple trees and set aside the wood for smoking. After surgery the rain kept coming all through summer and the garden became wild and overgrown. I looked at the vegetable garden and remembered that chick weed is good for healing.
I started daily radiation therapy for six weeds. There was no time for the garden. No energy for the garden. I fought fatigue to dig the miracle of untended potatoes and to harvest joyful mandarins. The brush turkeys dug holes in the lawn. The wallaby ate the day lilies.
Slowly I recovered. I felt a little stronger as autumn arrived and the claret ash turned the same shade as my irradiated skin. I made soup from Jerusalem artichokes and fed scraps to the worm farm. I shared tamarillos grown from seed beside the compost bin. I made jam. I harvested pumpkins and put them on the corrugated roof to sweeten. The pumpkins rotted out from the base and I fed them to the worms.
My one year scans showed something unexpected. Probably fat necrosis said my surgeon, or dead cancer. Maybe something in-situ. Nothing to worry about. Take another slice like the magic pudding and all will be well.
I wondered if this scar would be as good as the last one. I tried to do some mulching but I was sill too tired. I went to the nursery and wasted money on plants that died. I surrendered. I organised for someone else to come and help. I went for surgery. This would be the end. All would be well.
The pathology said the cancer was back. The doctor said mastectomy. I sat in the garden and cried. The garden cried with me. Both of us, poisoned, flooded, burned, pruned and neglected. Both of us desperate to live.
I woke up without my breasts in a room without plants. I opened the shutters to look at the sky and the trees. A crow came every day to sit on a TV antennae outside my window, broadcasting a message I didn’t understand. The pathology came back. I was cancer free.
After eight days of care I go home tomorrow. There is a storm outside. The wettest day all year. The wind will rip through my garden. When it stops I will go outside and start rebuilding. I will put my feet in the soil. The magnolia blossoms will be destroyed. The daffodils will be ruined.
It doesn’t matter.
I can enjoy them next year.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Reblogged from
http://positive3neg.wordpress.com my ongoing blog about staying positve following a diagnosis of triple negative breast cancer.
(c) 2014 Meg McGowan
22 Replies
Hi Jessica,
I just cut things out of magazines for most of the collage. I also keep an eye out for those pop up shops in shopping malls that sell calendars, particularly once we get into February when they slash the prices. Calendars are great for large feature images, like the merry-go-round animals that are all over my toilet. I'm working on a new one that is all black and white and calendars are definitely invaluable for that. I sometimes use old books that I've found at second hand shops. The main thing with collage is to make sure the paper and printing are good quality. Cheaper magazines are difficult to use because the paper breaks up easily once it's covered in glue and they also tend to fade quickly. I have seen a lovely one done with old newspapers but they varnished it heavily to protect it. I don't varnish mine because I like to keep adding to them over time. When we see a musical or a concert I often clip something from the program and add it to the wall. Same when we go on holidays. I'll find brochures of the places we've seen and add a couple. In this way the collage becomes a kind of living album.
Best wishes and thank you for the compliments.
Meg
X
I love your collage positive3negative it must have taken some good time to do the whole wall! Where do you get your images from? If you wanted to take a look, we have a small group on the network called 'creative corner' where people share the art and crafts that they have done. You can find it here: http://www.bcna.org.au/group/30653
Jess x
That's so sweet of you, but collage is really just cutting out stuff i like and sticking it on the wall! :D
- Thank you
- Thank you
Sadly the baby's face has now faded into obscurity and been covered over. I really liked the way she seemed to be peeking out from behind everything. This is why I take photos.
It's a small part of the wall of my loo. I collaged the whole thing a few years back. I regularly update it with new bits and pieces. Just part of my creative expression. Here's another bit.
Meg
X
Thanks Meg
You made me laugh. Cant wait for the dirt under my nails.
I am really intrigued and would love if you could tell me how and what is your profile picture?
Luv always, Mich xoxoxoxo
Oh Mich I feel for you.
Only those of us with a strong connection to the earth really understand how important our gardens are to us. Best wishes for your successful treatment and may you have dirt under your nails again soon.
Meg
X
Hey Meg
I luv'd your post and you could have been writing about me from start to finish.
As for you Life continues to test me and unfortunately I have had to leave my garden in my Paradise to live in a concrete jungle in Perth. I hope whoever rents my home luvs the garden as much as I do. I have even had to lend my chickens (my golden girls minus 1) out to my girlfriend to care for.
I am not too keen on doing another garden in my lil minature concrete jungle just yet BUT I have started planning it even if it will have to be in big pots. I have made poor hubby bag up all my compost and bring that down here to Perth along with my compost bin and worm farms. I cant give up everything that meant the world to me so a few little pieces of joy for me to tend to and keep me happy.
My poor garden did not come in to the equation unfortunately while I was going through chemo which was then followed by me being in Perth for 7 weeks for my radiotherapy treatment. Durig chemo I was in survival mode as I call it and that was to ensure I was fed and watered, my precious fur baby was fed and watered and my feathered golden girls were fed and watered. That was all I could attend to most days and we have all survived to come out the other side.
My garden in Paradise will be attended to by "me" again one day and that is what keeps me going knowing that I will return to my lil piece of paradise one day.
This is the first blog of yours I have read as I have not been able to come on here as often as I wouldl like these days but I am so glad I did tonight and that I was lucky enough to read your post. Thank you for sharing.
Luv n light to you always, Mich xoxoxoxoxoxo
