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gurneys's avatar
gurneys
Member
9 years ago

A reflective moment

Having a reflective moment as my daughter naps...

So, today as I attempted to wash my hair and again watched in dismay as huge, huge clumps fell out and accumulated around the drain, I was feeling a little down. The itchiness around my eyebrows is suggesting that my eyebrows are about to follow suit. The cold cap is working, yes. After two rounds of FEC I should have no hair by now but I think I have lost around 50%. And I am so tired. So very tired.

I needed something to remind me why I was doing this. After my surgery but before chemo started I had some family photos taken. I was looking through them today to remind me that this, THIS is why I am doing all of this. My family. My two beautiful girls. I couldn't help but notice the dark circles and tiredness of my eyes and of my husband's. And this was before chemo had even started. It takes its toll. I might Photoshop them out later. lol

And my hair. I had so much hair! I guess that's why if a stranger saw me now they wouldn't know any different but it has thinned considerably. 1 small bald spot appearing. If it gets any bigger, it's time to shave. I hate that cold cap so much. I have such a huge skull (a family thing, my poor mum who gave birth to four of us in the days before drugs!) it doesn't really fit me properly and hurts.

I have been researching my family history for the genetics test coming up. It has been so revealing. Much more breast cancer in my family than I ever knew about. Well, I'll be the first in my family to have the genetics test done. We'll soon find out if our family carries the gene.

Family. I love them so much. I wish I had more energy for my girls right now.

 

family
Fatigue
hair-loss
scalp-cooling
  • maryroset1's avatar
    maryroset1
    Member
    9 years ago

    Hey there. I had scalp cooling. I lost my hair around the top of my head where the cap didnt fit properly. I kept it everywhere else on my head. I found a new appreciation for hats.

    Fight like hell for that gorgeous family of yours. My daughter was the only motivation i needed to get through the tough times.

    I was gene tested due to a very strong family history. Tested negative to the 4 genes they can currently test for.

    All the very best and stay positive???? 

    Maryrose 

  • jacquipp's avatar
    jacquipp
    Member
    9 years ago

    Just wanted to pass on my love to you and your family. You have a beautiful photo to treasure. Hugs, Jacqui 

  • gurneys's avatar
    gurneys
    Member
    9 years ago

    Exactly! Throw everything at it now and kick this thing in the butt. At least I will know I gave it my all. xo

  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    9 years ago

    With all the hot flushes I get I didn't use any cold cap, just got my hair cut short so I didn't block the shower drain. I keep a wet washer with me all the time and often wrap that around my head. I don't know if it helped my hair or not but after 4 rounds of chemo I haven't lost all my hair. Yes its thin and looking close up at the mirror it looks almost bald but my family tell me that from not so close it looks just like thin hair and not too scary at all. Can't wait for it all to start growing back, its drafty in the cooler months.

    I had thoughts of not having chemo, not doing hormone therapy but if I don't give it all my best shot in this primary cancer what will I tell my family if secondary cancer rears its ugly head? At least all that can be done has been done.

  • gurneys's avatar
    gurneys
    Member
    9 years ago

    Totally worth it for their sake. I am worried about the legacy I'm leaving them too. I really hope they don't have the gene. But we are living in such amazing times where more cures are found every day. So right now I'm just focusing on fighting this thing so that I am here for them for many, many more years. It's a fight worth fighting. Good luck with your last two rounds. Love that photo. Two beautiful smiles!

  • Kaossquid's avatar
    Kaossquid
    Member
    9 years ago

    Loved reading your post, what a beautiful picture!  I have 2 more doses of chemo left to go before I start radio, no hair left (except some patchy eyebrows) and it's all completely worth it each time I look at my 2 year old.   Genetics appointment next Tuesday ... here's hoping I haven't left her a legacy to worry about, but like most things with this horrid cancer, I shall just have to wait and see.  But right now, all she's worried about is Peppa Pig and her biscuit, so I'm just going to enjoy that time.  Take care , hold that lovely family tight, and keep strong!  I look forward to the day my hair is longer than hers again, like it used to be :)

  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    9 years ago

    Photos to treasure and help you through those down times. 

    Wishing you well with treatment and no hiccups and lots of cuddles from your girls.

    Take care Christine xx