4th post - 13 August 2014

I was so worried and the support was amazing:

Hi all,

thank you once again for the love and support that has been so freely and generously given.

I feel as though I haven't processesd, or responded properly to previous msgs - let alone offered any support to others - and now I've received results that make me feel a bit sick.

my surgeon is sick so I saw another one. The cancer was Grade 3. The scar is excellent even after one week. The margins were 30mm and it's not clear if they need to take more from one spot.

Oestrogen +, Progesterone weakly +, HER2 equivocal and I need to wait for the results of another test to become available. Next appt 25 August.

Even at this early stage I should have learned not to have definite expectations but .. I expected the cancer to not be very aggressive and to be oestrogen positive only. 'Only' - as if anything is 'only' with this freaking disease.

I have excellent family and friend support but keeping in touch, deciding how much to tell, dealing with the fuss, etc is already driving me crazy. God knows how much worse it will be if I need chemo - which I never EXPECTED!!!

I am 'convalescing' - her word - with my gorgeous Mum (80) and step-Dad (85) and they have been wonderful but I want to go home and rely and build my own coping skills, live by my own routine (which is no routine, and will poss lead to other bad habits of not eating well, drinking too much wine, smoking, etc.) FFS! I'm 58, I should be able to look after myself.

Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to let off steam. I'm going for a nap. Hugs and xx