Wondering if I should have decided on a mastectomy?

Oh thank you so much @kezmusc and @arpie. Such warmth and reassurance from people who've been there has eased my panic. Appointment with the radiologist tomorrow. 

@LJS - yep, it really sucks xx. Big hugs xx

As @kezmusc says, the radiation is very often 'fairly easy' (I know mine was - and like Kezmusc,  only had skin breakdown in the last few days when they did the booster ...)  Using the lotions & potions at least 2 x a day (after each session) and continuing for another 3 weeks after (as it sort of continues 'cooking' after the treatment has actually stopped!)   After you've finished - you'll notice that your boob will remain quite warm for some time - so I continued until I didn't feel that 'warmth' then did another week or two of lotions, to be sure, to be sure xx

take care & wishing you all the best xx.  

Hi LJS

Everyone is different lovely and our brain likes to conjure up the worst case scenario everytime for reasons known only to itself. Especially at night!
 You made exactly the right choice at the time for you.  Personally,  I chose the same. Lumpectomy but had a full axillary clearance.

My experience with radiation (30 rounds of it) was absolutely fine. The most annoying thing was driving there every day.
 I had minimal skin trouble until the last week and thats when they were doing a targetted boost to the one area.  Some ladies on here back then recommended using the moo goo udder cream and it worked brilliantly.  After treatment I used Flamazene (can't use it during as it has silver in it) and everything healed very quickly. 

All the best sweet.  Trust yourself and your decision.  xoxoxo

Thanks @arpie for your hugs. You understand exactly. The universe wasn't very kind to us was it!

I am so sorry you've lost your husband, @LJS, it really does make it tougher xx - we could be twins. :(  I lost my husband too just over 2 years ago xx. Sending big hugs xx 

Thankyou all so much for your kind words and understanding @Locksley; @Katie46; @arpie. Great suggestions. I have listened to a few of Charlotte's podcasts. Yes, I need to just take a step at a time and not 'overthink it'. I thought the anxiety induced by the diagnosis and crazy new world I'm in would settle once the surgery was done. My friends and family tell me I'm amazingly upbeat but I don't answer the phone of course when I'm down. I've been outside walking a lot and that lifts my mood. Losing my main support system (husband) two years ago makes it very hard to soldier on alone. 

Hi @LJS I had 3 weeks of radiation after chemo. The radiation was fine, little bit of mild redness, some feeling of tightness (like a very mild sunburn), but that was it. I used plenty of sorbolene, and I think my skin was pretty much back to normal a month after finishing.

Hello try to breathe and take 1 step at a time.  I had a mastectomy and I did have to have radiation.  Not all treatment plans are the same.  

Try not to get ahead of yourself, @LJS .... 'specially with the 'what ifs' .... Sadly, there is a chance of anyone having a recurrence, even if the BC is caught early, successful surgery, Chemo &/or Rads & Tabs .... 
The good news is that MOST DON'T get recurrences xx

This disease really mucks with our brains, even more than our bodies, I reckon!

Chat with your GP about seeing a counsellor (or ring our helpline on 1800500258 Mon-Fri 9-5) as disturbed/lack of sleep can really make you feel 'down'.

Also, consider listening to Charlotte Tottman's podcasts - She was a psychologist who specialised in treating Breast Cancer patients - when she was diagnosed herself.   She's had a double mastectomy, stayed flat and KNOWS what we've all gone thru!  She was surprised too, at the emotions she went thru herself, as they were different from what she'd 'thought they were' when she was counseling women prior to her own diagnosis.  So she 'gets it'.
Go to this link, click on the 'list' (it should show 22 tracks) and start off with No 13 (the first one of Series 1) and work your way thru them.
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=charlotte tottman

Take care, and try & keep as busy as you can (to help keep the mind issues at bay.)  xx