Terrified

LisaO said:

Hi..my name is Lisa
I havnt had time to even grieve her.  
Im grieving my life. 
Has anyone here really REALLY contemplated not doing chemo?

@Lisa0

Hi Lisa -   I came across your post today and can see the roller coaster that you found yourself on immediately. 
I think everyone has contemplated not doing chemo but most seem to come to the reality of, it is a necessity to fight off any stray cells that maybe lurking! 

As to grieving, there is no right or wrong way to go about it.  My day role is looking after the grieving public and we are all different.  Some are angry, some are accepting, some are in shock - I can't tell you how to deal with it.  Hopefully as time goes on your tears of sadness will turn to tears of joy as you think about all the good times that you spent together that helped forge such a good friendship. 

There are good support groups that offer counselling if you feel you need to talk.  In time you will grieve for the loss of your mother in law.  She will be there in spirit urging you on with treatment and as to your own life well, what is normal?  It is constantly evolving as we hit these challenges, whether it be our health, work, home, kids et cetera  On day of diagnosis I had a counsellor assigned to me and her advice was if you start to feel overwhelmed then pat yourself down, along the legs and arms and whilst you are doing that you are bringing yourself back into the now.  Deep breaths!

Keep away from google as it only does your head in!

As @Zoffiel said "You are not the only passenger" - hope you get to enjoy the company of the other passengers on this forum as we are all here to help you through.
Take care and sending you a virtual hug xx