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LisaO
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Joined 9 years ago
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My marriage needs counselling
I'm 2 years NED. I'm one of "the lucky ones" whereby I feel absolutely fantastic physically despite my medications which consist of Femara and monthly Zoladex injections. However, mentally, I fell down hard with possible depression, anxiety and ptsd. I sought professional help early in "my journey", but fired my psychologist week 4 as she told me I was "a very challenging case" and I felt I was not given any help with my situation at all. I have never taken anti-depressants. Anyway, fast forward to today and I honestly feel like "the dark clouds" have lifted...just like that. YAY!!! I know I will always suffer scanxiety...but my mind most certainly feels clearer. HOWEVER, my marriage has suffered. My husband is the love of my life, but he has never been a good communicator when "the shit hits the fan"...hence cancer talk, depression talk etc etc has always been off limits.I have always tried to talk openly about "how Im travelling" but he has always put the wall up...maybe thats his coping mechanism..but this has left me feeling very isolated and misunderstood...and our marriage has suffered. We have had "the talk" and want to move forward together from this point carrying ALL OUR EXCESS BAGGAGE. My question is...do we seek marriage counselling, or is it cancer counselling, do we go together for help...or just him or just me? Where do we start???268Views0likes3CommentsRe: To chemo or not to chemo?
Hi Kerry66 So sorry you are here. Its a f&^%$**g horror bus ride. I was thrown onto the bus last May and found myself here. I opted for a full mastectomy with no reconstruction. A few weeks after my surgery I found myself under the knife again for a full aux clearance as they had found "a tiny amount of cancer", as my surgeon said, in two of my lymph nodes. My second surgery came back all clear. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I ended up in "the grey area" of to have chemo or not. This was a huge decision and it was one that needed to be made within a set time, yet my mind was not in a good place. I had just been through 12 months of being the main carer for my mother in law who had ovarian cancer. I took her to chemo appointments, doctors appointments, was caring for her by doing her housework and groceries etc, while trying to keep my business functioning and run my own house and look after my family. She was my best friend who I absolutely idolised. She passed in May and one week after her funeral I was diagnosed. I was up to date with my mammograms...I wasnt due for my nest for 12 months. I had just reconnected with my sister after 45 years and she told me she was a breast cancer survivor, so on my routine doctors appointment for something trivial, I passed this info onto her. She said "do you want to go and get a 3d mammogram and then we can put this to bed?". Bingo...2 hours later I was told I had breast cancer. So after 2 opinions from two oncologists, I was still sitting in the grey area. Everyones dx is different based on path reports etc. So an informed decision needed to be made. I opted out of chemo because my dx just wasnt clear cut that I would actually benefit from it. If I was told my dx was most certainly needed chemo...well I would have taken a seat. I still dont know if Im one of the lucky ones or not to be placed in the grey area...but I am happy with my decision based on info given by two seperate oncologists. Almost 12 months on, I have been on Tamoxifen for 6 months coupled with Zoladex (ovarian suppression) and now Im on Letrozole with Zoladex injections. Im 52 and honestly dont have any side effects that are worth complaining about. The hardest part for me over the last 12 months has not been physical...its been mentally horrific. I have crashed and burned quite a few times...but these days I see more sunny days. Did I make the right decision? I dont have a crystal ball. Will it come back? I dont have a crystal ball. If I did chemo could it come back anyway? Will my medication stop a recurrence? Will it come back anyway? The questions are a mile long..but Im still comfortable with the decision I made based on all the information for my diagnosis. XO0Views3likes0CommentsRe: So my family have asked me to get help
Thank you ladies for your feedback. I havnt been on this site for a while, I guess I went away and tried to get on with things and deal with the new normal. I found myself lost yet again, so I jumped back on to this site and see some of the same faces offering their valuable experience..the same faces that helped me enormously almost 12 months ago when I was initially diagnosed..thank you for still being here to help people like me. I also see new faces offering support, Im sad to see you here but a big thank you also. There is no right or wrong way to deal with breast cancer, just like there is no right or wrong way to grieve. An instruction book written out for each and every one of us just maybe available in the future...wishful thinking. I can honestly understand why some soldiers who made it back from war never ever told their stories to their families. My grandfather landed on Gallipolli and never once spoke of his memories. I dont get asked very often at all by my family "how are you going?". I dont hold this against them at all, I mean Im doing incredibly well physically...but mentally...thats another story. So when I very rarely get the opportunity to actually speak, I see the horror on their faces. Ive always been one to "say it as it is" and its so frustrating to see the blank, dumbfounded faces when I do sometimes speak. Then to be told...you need to find someone professional to talk to...well, I then feel that maybe its just not worth answering a "how are you going?" question that might pop up down the track. Its sometimes a very lonely journey this breast cancer bus ride...until I jump back onto this site. XO8Views4likes0CommentsSo my family have asked me to get help
I'm coming up to my 1st anniversary of being diagnosed. In a recent conversation with my family I have been told that I need to get help, that I need to find someone to talk to because my feelings are not healthy, that I'm not dealing with things very well. I'm honestly a bit dumbfounded as I thought I was doing well....really well....so are my feelings "normal" after being diagnosed? Here goes... Diagnosed last May, Stage 2, full rh mastectomy, full aux clearance, Tamoxifen for 6 months coupled with Zoladex, recently switched to Letrazole Femara coupled with Zoladex. I'm one of the lucky ones with very minimal side effects...nothing to complain about. Life is wonderful at the moment. I must admit that I found it harder to recover mentally than physically after being diagnosed...but it has gotten easier with time. I'm very active, returned to work (and love it) and honestly feel fantastic. I have an absolutely wonderful husband who has supported me and loved me and also given me confidence with my new body image...no reconstruction for me. The one thing I have struggled with in living with my new self is the new meaning of time. I cannot process time like "normal people". I can see and plan 12 months ahead, 2 years in the future now seems like 5 years to me and 5 years ahead is almost impossible for me to comprehend. Im 52 and a discussion regarding retirement is of no interest to me...too many "what ifs". Im aware of the beast possibly lurking in the background which could show itself at the drop of a hat. I honestly dont think Im dwelling on the possibility of recurrence whereby its affecting my quality of life...Im just a realist. I feel that if Im given the all clear in a few weeks...I will be obviously ecstatic and will look forward to busily make plans for the next 12 months...get out there and live...then just like groundhog day do it all over again in 12 months time. My family do not understand my new meaning of time. When I explain to them how I feel they look at me like Im talking a foreign language. Is my new take on the meaning of time "normal"? If I seek help will it fix how I feel and then I can sit down and confidently plan retirement and the next 20 years?375Views0likes14CommentsRe: Zoladex
Bakdom Im not sure of the timeframe. Im 51 and pre menopausal. My onc told me after 2 years he would be testing me to see if Im officially "neutered"...(my descriptive word). Ive had my second injection and once again it didnt hurt. My onc gave me a Emla patch to use beforehand and my GP gave me the injection. So for the next 4 months its Tamoxifen and Zoladex for me...then switching to an AI. I must admit, I am trying to remain positive about switching to an AI, but Im googling too much...I MUST, I MUST STOP GOOGLING and finding one million horrid side effects!!!13Views1like0CommentsRe: Zoladex
Thanks ladies. First one done and dusted, wasnt as bad as I thought...in fact the oncologist said "All done"...and I replied "Youre kidding??!!"...he laughed. Oncologist was wonderful, now to find a GP to help me out with the rest of the injections. Every new step of this BC journey is quite daunting, the fear of the unknown, yet I feel confident for the next 23 injections. Gee we become strong on this journey, I even surprise myself.13Views0likes0CommentsRe: Where to get the most comfortable bras
Genevieve Gort is a personal bra and breast form specialist. She has a fantastic range of bras, although some quite expensive. I saw her last week for my breast form (prosethis)...dont think thats the right spelling!!! I found that for night time Im very comfortable in Best and Less slip on bras, which come with removable inserts...only cost $10 !! Im very comfortable in my Berlie post mastectomy bra. Genevieve gave me a tip to remove the stuffing from the insert...so comfortable now!!Holiday or no holiday??
I have been on Tamoxifen for the past 2 months with side effects minimal. However on Monday I see my oncologist to start my monthly Zoladex ovarian suppression injections. (Im 51 an pre-menopausal). My "treatment plan" is to stay on Tamoxifen for a further two months, coupled with Zoladex, then I will be switched to an AI on the 25th November. I will be asking my onc on Monday if I can stay on Tamoxifen for a further two months till the 25th Jan. Why?...Well hubby and I have a holiday house booked on the ocean for two weeks in Jan (booked before DX). The plan was to go on long ocean walks. Another reason is the fact that I have just returned to part time work which has been just the medicine I have needed for the mind. My work is very busy just before Christmas and I was actually looking forward to getting my mind off BC and being busy in the real world. Gee, when I read what I have just put in writing, it sounds self centred and irrelevant when my "treatment plan" is treating cancer. I'm obviously worried about starting a new medication, new "possible" side effects...right before Christmas, right before both my oncologist and my GP go on their festive holidays. Obviously if my onc insists that my changeover date is not negotiable I will respect and follow his instructions... Can I have thoughts on this please.100Views0likes5CommentsRe: Fatigue
I have always, always been this on the go, hurry, hurry, race against the clock...not winning, but trying, Ive got one million things on my "to do list" today..... that was before BC. Well last week I was finally in a somewhat "normal" state of mind (sieze the opportunity, it doesnt happen very often these days) so I decided to go shopping. Shopping for me. Window shopping...something I have never had the time to do in my past "normal" life. It was a big mistake. I DRAGGED myself around the huge complex. I have never felt so tired. I lost interest. For once I had the time, but not the energy. I spotted chairs in the shopping centre and honestly...if I sat down I would have gone for a very long snooze, probably to be woken by security!! I got back to my car and cried... finally I had time to window shop for once in my life....but I was SO TIRED...too tired to enjoy it. It was exhaustion I can only compare to when I was pregnant many years ago..but multiplied by at least 10.... So I must have been a 10 on your scale...do I get a gold star or something??? :)6Views2likes0Comments
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PRIVATE GROUP. This group is a safe, supportive space to talk about sexual health and emotional wellbeing during and after breast cancer. We discuss topics like menopause, vaginal dryness, pain during sex, UTIs, and changes in libido, and share ideas and products that may help. Whether you're navigating intimacy with a partner or reconnecting with yourself, you're not alone here. This is a place for open, respectful conversations and shared understanding.
