I was diagnosed on 5/8 and am waiting for a date for surgery. So much is unknown about treatment until my pathology results come back. I have an amazing family and friends but am struggling to talk with them as this makes ‘it’ real. They just want to support me and are respecting my need to talk only when I feel like it. It’s hard enough dealing with my emotions at the moment without worrying about others, but I don’t want them to worry.

@RozMoz This first bit is really hard, I promise it gets easier, but getting your head around it takes time and I'm not sure if it ever fully computes! Its okay to not communicate, to be in your own head a bit now.I told everyone close about my diagnosis after I found out from my GP but kept communication to a minimum while I waited for my appt with the Breast Surgeon and an idea of the treatment I faced. After surgery when I had my full pathology I shared more with my closer circle. It was hard having everyone wanting to know more and my advice is maybe to not tell people exactly when you are going to get the results so you don't have them messaging you! They mean well but it can be overwhelming.After my surgery and getting back pathology I told more people. And again when I started chemo when i knew I would be bald.I sent out emails and texts to friends. Weirdly it can be overwhelming getting lots of support from people, replying to everyone, so it helps to tell people bit by bit.Once you lose your hair you lose the control of who knows a bit more but by then you have had time to get your head around things, and you know you are still the same person and you are happy to talk to people more. But take it at your own pace and do what feels like. Good luck with it all, your feelings sound very familiar :*

The waiting during this period is so hard and you're probably still in shock. My husband told his family, and I told my manager by email (she knew that I was going to Breastscreen for a follow-up). I also told two close friends from different friendship groups and asked them to spread the word but that I didn't want anyone to contact me. They were the ones who updated everyone else for a little while. While I was having my first surgery, my husband set up a blog for me and after that, that is how I kept everyone informed - family, friends and work colleagues. It meant that I didn't have to repeat everything all the time and it's now a journal of what I was going through, much of which is a bit blurry now.Take care.

@RozMoz Welcome aboard!! You have found a new group of friends here that will help & guide you all the way!I come from a small country town & chose not to tell anyone apart from my boss & coworker, close family & 2 other friends. My in-laws still dont know & many of my friends. It's nice to walk up the street & not be confronted with being bombarded with questions, even though they all mean well, or the opposite of having people avoid me! I'm glad I made that choice as I am 18 months post surgery & feeling great & not having to have chemo & losing my hair helped keep my secret!I would advise to jump on the McGrath website & find a breast care nurse nearest to you. You can put in your location & then chose someone close to you. The website gave me my nearest nurse & her email so I contacted her by email & introduced myself & told her my story. I then emailed her all my path/medical reports as they came in so she knew what i was dealing with. They are medically trained so can answer all your questions & they can counsel you & your family through it all.Take someone with you to ALL appts for another ear to listen. take lots of notes or record the appt. Beforehand, write down all your questions so you are prepared.Try not to worry too much, easier said than done, before your results come in as you dont know what you are dealing with yet. This would also make it hard to talk to family when you dont know whats ahead. Things change all the time so focus on what you do know when the report comes back & try not to over think as cancer feeds on stress so you wont do yourself any favours by worrying about something that may not even happen. Be kind to yourself & you will know when it is time to talk about it & your family/friends will hopefully respect that. Take all favours of food & help that is offered & one step at a time. love & strength xx

Always do what feels right for you. I told everyone I felt needed to know - immediate family including my 88 year old mother in a nursing home (with the encouragement of staff to do so), work boss and colleagues, friends. Told my neighbour and found out for the first time that she was a 10 year survivor - which I found really reassuring, had no idea! It just seemed easier to get it out in the open for me - then other stuff would not be a surprise. There wasn’t too much stuff affecting others as it turned out. So for me there was a slight issue of gently reminding that I was still in the zone - a bit of scanxiety, some very annoying side effects, still the nagging thought of recurrence. I think I have managed a pretty good job of putting it all in its place but you do cross a line - it can and has happened to you. That said, I have had an overall excellent 7 years with no evidence of disease, wouldn’t have missed it for quids and am optimistic about more. Best wishes.

I didn't tell anyone outside of the people under my roof for eight days. I wasn't ready to talk for about a month. My sister had died from breast cancer the year before so it was especially loaded. My husband told my parents and my remaining sister. I simply could not see their faces when they found out. Coward maybe! I told friends via WhatsApp.I also didn't want anyone to go through the agonising worry of waiting on pathology. It was good to have results and a plan when the bad news was being delivered.There's no right or wrong here. Do what feels right for you. K xox

Talking about new diagnosis, treatment

21 Replies

arpie
Member
7 years ago
I deliberately told all my family & friends NOT to be sympathetic, or I would have been a blubbing mess!! I requested jokes instead - and then everyone felt better!!! ;)

@RozMoz - see how you go re your 'working full/part time' - don't put any more pressure on yourself than you need - it is vital that you put YOU first right now, to get over all the ups & downs of diagnosis, surgery, treatment, etc.

take care & all the best xx
Sister
Member
7 years ago
People will be nice, won't they?..always my undoing.
Caz1
Member
7 years ago
RozMoz can relate. Had my first cry about BC a month after diagnosis when a lovely ex work girlfriend said something beautiful. It was just what I needed, I felt MUCH better afterwards.

However my friend was mortified! I Kept trying to explain what a favour she had done for me........
I think she got it in the end. <3 Poor love.

take care
Caz1
RozMoz
Member
7 years ago
@SoldierCrab. Thanks for touching base. I have talked to Marita once before I saw the surgeon. I am hoping to talk to her again before I have my surgery in a few weeks.
The night meetings might work best for me as I work full time, but had been thinking about coming along to some of the monthly meetings during my treatment if I am working part time.

It is great to discover that there is so much local support.

look forward to meeting you at some time in the next few months.
SoldierCrab
Member
7 years ago
hi @RozMoz,
I am in Bathurst and we have a meeting each month and 2 night meetings per year.
have you touched Base with Marita Tipene the McGrath Breast Care Nurse at Daffodil Cottage yet ?
iserbrown
Member
7 years ago
@RozMoz

the mention of Bathurst prompted me to put up this link that @SoldierCrab had put up originally

https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/20467/bathurst-bosom-buddies-support-group
RozMoz
Member
7 years ago
@arpie thanks for the advice. It’s easy to say the self care words but much harder in real life when we are used to doing this for others.
Good to know that there are some other Bathurst members.
arpie
Member
7 years ago
No, it is not ugly ... it is an emotional response to empathy from a friend xxx. Maybe ask your buddy to tactfully advise others at work, so it isn’t a daily ritual. Then any update can be via email from you xx

We we have some members in and around Bathurst!

take care xx
RozMoz
Member
7 years ago
So many great ideas and suggestions. I had my first ugly crying episode at work today, telling a work friend, probably the first of many. Not me at all..
I am overwhelmed and grateful for the support of family and friends and whilst I find it hard to accept help, I already know there will be a few days when I need this. Just enjoying life and preparing for the next part of the journey.
arpie
Member
7 years ago
Terrific, @RozMoz - having a date gives you something to aim at now. Here's a thread on what you might like to take with you when you go in! I found ear plugs & an 'airplane eye mask' was invaluable! Plus some treats - butterscotch lollies or anything else you enjoy! Crossword puzzles, magazines, suduko or short stories are better than novels as you are always being interrupted by staff!! All the best xx
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/2959/things-to-pack-and-do-for-hospital-stays

As @Afraser says - it is amazing how many say 'me too' after your diagnosis becomes public knowledge. A good friend of mine in Qld is now 5 years BC free & put me onto this forum. She was my mentor for a good 12 months & helped keep me sane & laughing. Laughter is a terrific mechanism for coping! Check out the 'Friday Funnies' page! There are some beauties!!
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/19116/friday-funnies/p1

I have 5 of my uke buddies who've had BC & my uke group was one of my most ardent supporters thru my surgery & recovery early last year. Just 3 weeks after surgery, 15 of us were in the Blue Mountains performing at the Ukulele Festival there!! I wasn't sure I'd be able to be there, but I made it, even tho still a tad tender! They were amongst the first I told, as we get together every week & I didn't want to pretend there was nothing wrong - plus I would have blubbed bigtime! Plus as I lead the group - my absence would be conspicuous! LOL

Take care, maybe cook up a few meals in advance & freeze them - and if any of your friends offer to do things for you now or after your surgery - mow the lawn, give you meals, walk the dog - TAKE THEM UP ON IT! They will feel better for having helped you & it will take a load off your own mind about 'things to do' when you may not feel up to it yourself!! WIN WIN!

Take care xxx

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