Survivor mode

Hi @Quote_Queen_67,

Welcome to the forum lovely. 
 As you can see there is always a lot of warmth and great information on here.  No one else knows what it's like unless you've been there.
The waiting just stinks.  Getting through those foggy days of waiting for answers and some kind of plan is the absolute pitts. I remember waiting for my CT results.  That was the worst one, I was too scared to go back in and find out so I got my husband to ring first and sus it out before I went. :)

There is no right or wrong way to get through this.  You just do what you can day by day, hour by hour. Emotions swing from "yeah, I got this thing" to cloudy fog of doom which is why we call it the roller coaster and it's all perfectly normal. 

Whatever way you tackle it is ok.  Distraction can work wonders.  Just keep busy, anything to stop overthinking.  

I agree with @Zoffiel about waiting until you have some answers before you tell work if you can. I took three months off but I already had a month off planned before I found out so I just extended it because I could. I went back two weeks after my second chemo.

I remember being told at the start to pretty much write off the next 12 months of my life.  What a load of baloney.   I worked part time, ran my farm, went camping, rode my horse, partied in the bar with the cowboys, renovated etc etc etc. 

 Some days were pretty average but there was a hell of a lot that weren't. Plenty of people choose to work for financial reasons or purely because it makes you feel normal.

Everybody responds to treatment differently and what they tell you at the start can scare the heck out of you and be nowhere near what actually happens.

Stay in touch lovely.

xoxoxo

The Ct scan and bone scan may not be all that bad. Yes there could be surprises pop up in them but mainly what they are looking for is good health in the liver etc so there won't be any hassles with using drugs on you and the bone scan is a record of how good or bad your bones are at the start of treatment. Years down the track they will take another bone scan to see if any medication has made you develop a break down in the bone quality. Treating cancer can be a bit of a juggling act between killing the cancer but not killing you. The scans are called 'staging' and they will be discussed on future treatment in a podcast between the surgeon, oncologist and radiologist. Then when they have a plan, they will tell you. Don't panic just yet. We're all here for you. <3

@Quote_Queen_67 welcome to the group. This is the worst time before u get a plan in place. The waiting sux. Big hugs xoxoo

Dear @Quote_Queen_67,

for you for this testing, waiting and planning 
from jennyss in Western NSW

Hi @Quote_Queen_67 telling family and other people is hard work, particularly when you don't have enough information to answer the barrage of questions you will face in the coming weeks.

Consider holding off telling work until you can say more than 'I don't know' 30 times a day or maybe tell your closest colleague or your boss but swear them to silence for the moment. Pick someone who you can trust to sensibly run some interference for you later because people can be a little speculative and insensitive once the news gets out.  Which is not in any way helpful.

You may have to take extended time off work, you may not. Three days a week might be completely doable,  it just depends what treatment you end up needing and how you react to it. For now it's a waiting game which is just excruciating.
Best of luck MXX

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you've had to join us. I was diagnosed at 51 as well. Sucks at any age.

Well done on staying calm. Impressive! All reactions are 'normal' (whatever the heck that is!). I was beyond angry for several weeks. Put zero pressure on yourself to behave in any particular way. You will process what's happening to you at the right time for you. The only thing to be wary of is getting emotionally stuck at any point. Counselling can be useful at that point.

BCNA have this good page on telling your children about your diagnosis.

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/telling-your-children/

My experience was that it was important to deliver the news in an age appropriate way (my kids ranged in age from 18 down to 9 at that point). I told them once there was a bit of a plan, a date for surgery in my case. My situation was a bit different but I found there was a great exhalation when I resumed some standard bit of parenting or other, to go and wash their hands before dinner, or something like that. I can't recall it now. It's really important to show them that their lives, and your parenting of them, will continue as normally as possible.

They all reacted differently and I had to be mindful to modulate my behaviour to each child according to their needs throughout my treatment.

It's easy to disappear into your head while you're going through treatment. Necessary sometimes. But I soon realised that in the absence of information my youngest in particular was having a big worry and filling in gaps, incorrectly of course.

So if you do tell them this weekend, tell them early in the day, so you've had a chance to establish some normalcy before they go to bed.

Oh and tell them that people will bring lots of food and probably lots of yummy things for them! My kids quite enjoyed coming home and seeing what had been delivered that day!

Hang in there. This stage is the worst bit. Hard to believe now, but once your treatment plan is underway, you'll feel better. Big hug, K xox

these might help with talking to your children... 

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/telling-your-children/
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/types-of-breast-cancer/

Canteen also have some great resources 
https://www.canteen.org.au/

I also sent you an inbox with lots of links on it .... and how to use the forum etc. 

@kmakm
@Sister
 might have some insight about talking with your children ... 

We all fit in the reaction stages somehow but the order can be pretty mixed! Glad you have support, it's a testing time. Your doctor means well but reactions to treatment vary immensely, some of us worked full time throughout. Unfortunately it's almost impossible to know till you start treatment, so plan B is a good idea. Survivor mode sounds pretty good to
me, because that's your goal - getting through this and having cancer as a bit of your life, but by no means all of it. Grieving, rethinking  and adapting will all come in time, possibly not always at the best time but in their own time. So many people here will be able to share their own experiences and learning - with parents, children, doctors, friends - so ask away. There are no silly questions or for that matter inappropriate ones! But there well may be funny ones - a sense of humour keeps us all sane at times. Deep breaths, very best wishes.