Forum Discussion
Starting the journey - Waiting
Hi all
My name is Louise and I have just started out on this very scary journey!
A few weeks ago I noticed my left nipple no longer protruded as normal even in the cold and umm when stimulated lol. My dear partner (typical male) suggested it was because I sleep on my left side most of the time!
Being due for my regular PapSmear I asked my GP if she could check it out for me as I couldn't feel a lump. Having examined both breasts thoroughly she quietly suggested I ought to have another Mammogram (the most recent being in Feb 2010) and sent me off to a Womens Breast Testing Clinic. I was starting to feel a tad concerned at this point because I know my Doctor and her demeanour had changed even though she assured me that it could be nothing!
A 7 day wait for my appointment and I managed to put any bad thoughts out of my mind concentrating on my Family, friends, work and my beloved cats.
At the Clinic I was told after the Mammogram that perhaps I should have an Ultrasound...uh oh, alarm bells start to softly chime.
After the Ultrasound, the soft chiming became a loud clanging as the nurse told me very gently that yes, there was "something" there and I must have a Core Biopsy. I was booked in for that in 2 days time. Waiting, waiting, thinking positive all the while.
I sure hope I don't have to have another Biopsy too soon. After two injections of local anaesthetic the doctor still managed to take a sample from a section of my breast which hadn't dozed off.......wow.....give me child birth any day!
3 days to wait now and I am becoming more vague and doing silly things like putting milk in the pantry and sugar in the fridge.!
Finally it's time to see my GP and I can tell straight away by her attitude that things aren't looking too good here. She tells me as gently as she can that I have an Invasive Lobular Carcinoma and that I should see a Surgeon as soon as possible. Being a virgo..lol...I had done some research and already decided on the Hospital I wanted and together my GP and I discovered who we felt would be the best Surgeon for me.
5 days to wait until I see the Surgeon...wow, if only I could sleep until then. Just knock me out and wake me up in time for my appointment!
This was 5 days of numbness, of putting cat biscuits in the washing machine insead of Laundry liquid (not recommended) and mixing coke with my cordial instead of water, not a great taste sensation I can tell you.
So now I know. I have met my Surgeon (lovely lady) and know that in another 7 days time I will be having a Mastectomy and removal of several Lymph nodes. Whew..Is it just me? I have gone into mental meltdown, my brain just refuses to focus...Believe me, I am still doing my "power of positive" thinking routine but I'm not sure its working!!
7 days of waiting. I've told my partner of 6 years, who is being an absolute rock and my closest family and friends, but how do I tell my other friends and work colleagues? How do I cope with my best friend who sobs inconsolably everytime she talks to me? My older sister who usually cries through every movie we ever see together is also being an amazing support. What's going to happen after the surgery, will I be clear, will I need further treatment...it's all a bit much to take in. I read someone, somewhere on this site said "take it one day at time" if only each day wasn't so long, but I'm trying really hard!
Thank god I still have my sense of humour but I would really love to hear from other ladies who are just starting out or have already travelled this journey.
Thanks for reading.
Louise
51 Replies
Hi - My oncologist said about 2-3 weeks, well I went and got my hair cut really short, but one night after a shower (around 2-3 weeks) I noticed all this hair landing in the hand basin as I leaned over and was drying my 'short' hair - so I figured bugger this, I got my husband to shave off the lot and didn't look back from then on! I think people reckon I have a 'beanie' permanently glued to my noggin! Anyway I spotted these jazzy little scarves in a camping shop of all places, they were really glittery and only $2 each! So I grabbed one of each colour (three of them) and every time I wrap one on my head 'turbin' style (when I go out) I cannot tell you the amount of strangers that have come up to me and complimented me on the 'blingy' scarf - how pretty it looks, Wow I think to myself - $2! Who'd have thought it! Anyway back to the baldy thing - its been a month since chemo finished and I have a baby fuzz - I find when I am sitting down I am constantly running my hand through it because if feels all warm and fuzzy (awesome) they told me it would come back curly and another colour - oh gosh, why grey? But can't complain, at least it's growing back! So don't freak out too much - it's really the least of your worries, hair grows back! I look like such a dork with no eyebrows though (lol!) Mind you I have had to start using eyebrow pencil before this happened because my eyebrows were going grey - THE upside to all this losing one's hair is that I have saved a fortune on shampoo, hair products, and other crap we tend to smother on our scones! I felt some hair on my legs the other night and someone said "Bet you hated that!".......I thought about it for abour five seconds and said - ".....................Nar! It is soooooooooooooooo good to finally feel hair on my body again".
Well, finally had my first chemo yesterday. What a day Appntmt with Ocologist at 1pm - got to see him at 1.45 ho hum do these guys ever run on time!
By the time he'd explained it all, written the scripts and sent me to the Pharmacy it was getting on for 2.15pm then onwards to the ward where as a Newbie I was made wonderfully welcome. Ha, who want to be welcomed here but so nice of them all, and the other ladies were just as welcoming.
Can't say I enjoyed the procedure as the entry point hurt like crazy for the duration but I guess it wasn't as bad as I had expected. So far so good no really nasty side effects, felt light headed and aching in joints and have woken with mega headache, but no nausea so I am thrilled with that!
Have to watch what I swallow as my blood work showed some abnormal liver function. Oh dear something else to think about...boo hoo I sound a real bag of misery, bu;t I'm not I'm upbeat and still positive of the outcomes of all this.
Ladies, they told me yesterday that by the 2nd chemo they expect to see me with little of no hair - does it really go that quickly? If so, yikes I'd better get some head covering organised! Has anyone else lost hair within a couple of weeks?
Love and hugs to all you lovely ladies xLouisex
no comment at this time.
Hi Dette
You are always such an inspiration to me!! I have never been a great one for walking but will definately give it a go. The last few days it's been bucketing with rain and also very cold but this sounds like an excuse to me....tee hee...
Sorry to hear you are also in for Radiotherapy and HBT - sounds like we are on the same train...only you are a few stations (sheep??) ahead of me.
Take care of yourself and keep us informed as you progress through your chemo. Big hugs xLouisex
Hi Louise
Oops sorry to hear you're in for more treatment than hoped. I'm on the same track with radiotherapy and HBT after chemo and when found that out took on the motto "We are playing for sheep stations and this way you lose CA!"
I really empathise with you as you wait to see the oncologist and then the plan is put in place when you tend to feel "well if it's going to happen, let's go NOW"! Although having tried and enjoyed yoga (in a limited way) previously, as far as preparing for chemo I fell back to my constant form over the last few years - walking. I find it very good to unwind and de-stress as well as giving me the added positive of building my fitness to fight. I have walked almost every day since surgery and so far every day since starting chemo. The distance has decreased this last week since chemo but am looking forward to building up again this week coming. So apart from glucosomine for my joints at the moment my vitamin pill is fresh air.
Hope this at least gives you another perpective or at least something to think about. Will be thinking of you as you wait - take heaps of care of yourself.
Dette xxxx
Hi Louise
Oops sorry to hear you're in for more treatment than hoped. I'm on the same track with radiotherapy and HBT after chemo and when found that out took on the motto "We are playing for sheep stations and this way you lose CA!"
I really empathise with you as you wait to see the oncologist and then the plan is put in place when you tend to feel "well if it's going to happen, let's go NOW"! Although having tried and enjoyed yoga (in a limited way) previously, as far as preparing for chemo I fell back to my constant form over the last few years - walking. I find it very good to unwind and de-stress as well as giving me the added positive of building my fitness to fight. I have walked almost every day since surgery and so far every day since starting chemo. The distance has decreased this last week since chemo but am looking forward to building up again this week coming. So apart from glucosomine for my joints at the moment my vitamin pill is fresh air.
Hope this at least gives you another perpective or at least something to think about. Will be thinking of you as you wait - take heaps of care of yourself.
Dette xxxx
I saw my Surgeon yesterday to get the details of my follow up treatment. Here I was hoping like crazy that a short dose of Chemo would do the trick!
No such luck. I am to have Chemo, Radiotherapy and HBT. Whew, not what I wanted hear guys...now I must wait until the 26th to meet with my Medical Oncologist. aaahhhhhhh.....that's nearly 2 weeks of waiting. Wow, I sure am learning patience...I have been reading up on all treatments so am fairly prepared for the Chemo, but must say, I'm really, really not looking forward to it!
Have any of you ladies been trying things like Yoga or Meditation etc to help relax? Would also like to hear about any extra Vitamins etc that can be of use? Thanks all xLouisex
Hi Louise
Good to hear that you have lost one of the drains now....it feels so much better when they are gone! You can almost feel human again :) Hopefully you will get rid of the other one on Saturday as planned.
I can relate to having a good old cry and then laughing at myself...I think we all do that at times, the "why me" and all that sort of thing. It's good to get your emotions out though rather than bottling them up inside. It makes you feel better afterwards.
I hope you are having a good day today :) Stay positive and come on here anytime you need to vent (and to keep us up to date, of course!).
Hugs,
Louise x
Hi Louise
Good to hear that you have lost one of the drains now....it feels so much better when they are gone! You can almost feel human again :) Hopefully you will get rid of the other one on Saturday as planned.
I can relate to having a good old cry and then laughing at myself...I think we all do that at times, the "why me" and all that sort of thing. It's good to get your emotions out though rather than bottling them up inside. It makes you feel better afterwards.
I hope you are having a good day today :) Stay positive and come on here anytime you need to vent (and to keep us up to date, of course!).
Hugs,
Louise x
Hi Viv
thanks for your words of encouragement. You have been through so much by the sounds of things! I am feeling much brighter today, when I read what I'd written yesterday, I was a little annoyed with myself for sounding so miserable, but I guess that's what this site is for. venting our frustrations from time to time...
The home care nurse came today and I had one of the drains removed and already I feel better just carting "martha" around - or is it arthur?? I think the one that is gone now must have been the one that always felt like it was "pulling" on my skin. The other comes out of Saturday all being well, which it will of course.
I have had a good old cry by myself last night....did the real self pitying bit, paced my bedroom cursing all and sundry and then worked myself up so much couldn't sleep. Today, I can laugh at myself...silly old cow that I am...lol...tee hee.
Viv, I am really looking forward to the day I can be the one offering support and advice to other "newcomers" of course I'd rather there were no newcomers, but that's just a pipe dream.
Many hugs to you xLouisex
