Forum Discussion
Starting the journey - Waiting
Hi all
My name is Louise and I have just started out on this very scary journey!
A few weeks ago I noticed my left nipple no longer protruded as normal even in the cold and umm when stimulated lol. My dear partner (typical male) suggested it was because I sleep on my left side most of the time!
Being due for my regular PapSmear I asked my GP if she could check it out for me as I couldn't feel a lump. Having examined both breasts thoroughly she quietly suggested I ought to have another Mammogram (the most recent being in Feb 2010) and sent me off to a Womens Breast Testing Clinic. I was starting to feel a tad concerned at this point because I know my Doctor and her demeanour had changed even though she assured me that it could be nothing!
A 7 day wait for my appointment and I managed to put any bad thoughts out of my mind concentrating on my Family, friends, work and my beloved cats.
At the Clinic I was told after the Mammogram that perhaps I should have an Ultrasound...uh oh, alarm bells start to softly chime.
After the Ultrasound, the soft chiming became a loud clanging as the nurse told me very gently that yes, there was "something" there and I must have a Core Biopsy. I was booked in for that in 2 days time. Waiting, waiting, thinking positive all the while.
I sure hope I don't have to have another Biopsy too soon. After two injections of local anaesthetic the doctor still managed to take a sample from a section of my breast which hadn't dozed off.......wow.....give me child birth any day!
3 days to wait now and I am becoming more vague and doing silly things like putting milk in the pantry and sugar in the fridge.!
Finally it's time to see my GP and I can tell straight away by her attitude that things aren't looking too good here. She tells me as gently as she can that I have an Invasive Lobular Carcinoma and that I should see a Surgeon as soon as possible. Being a virgo..lol...I had done some research and already decided on the Hospital I wanted and together my GP and I discovered who we felt would be the best Surgeon for me.
5 days to wait until I see the Surgeon...wow, if only I could sleep until then. Just knock me out and wake me up in time for my appointment!
This was 5 days of numbness, of putting cat biscuits in the washing machine insead of Laundry liquid (not recommended) and mixing coke with my cordial instead of water, not a great taste sensation I can tell you.
So now I know. I have met my Surgeon (lovely lady) and know that in another 7 days time I will be having a Mastectomy and removal of several Lymph nodes. Whew..Is it just me? I have gone into mental meltdown, my brain just refuses to focus...Believe me, I am still doing my "power of positive" thinking routine but I'm not sure its working!!
7 days of waiting. I've told my partner of 6 years, who is being an absolute rock and my closest family and friends, but how do I tell my other friends and work colleagues? How do I cope with my best friend who sobs inconsolably everytime she talks to me? My older sister who usually cries through every movie we ever see together is also being an amazing support. What's going to happen after the surgery, will I be clear, will I need further treatment...it's all a bit much to take in. I read someone, somewhere on this site said "take it one day at time" if only each day wasn't so long, but I'm trying really hard!
Thank god I still have my sense of humour but I would really love to hear from other ladies who are just starting out or have already travelled this journey.
Thanks for reading.
Louise
51 Replies
Hi Dette
You are always such an inspiration to me!! I have never been a great one for walking but will definately give it a go. The last few days it's been bucketing with rain and also very cold but this sounds like an excuse to me....tee hee...
Sorry to hear you are also in for Radiotherapy and HBT - sounds like we are on the same train...only you are a few stations (sheep??) ahead of me.
Take care of yourself and keep us informed as you progress through your chemo. Big hugs xLouisex
Hi Louise
Oops sorry to hear you're in for more treatment than hoped. I'm on the same track with radiotherapy and HBT after chemo and when found that out took on the motto "We are playing for sheep stations and this way you lose CA!"
I really empathise with you as you wait to see the oncologist and then the plan is put in place when you tend to feel "well if it's going to happen, let's go NOW"! Although having tried and enjoyed yoga (in a limited way) previously, as far as preparing for chemo I fell back to my constant form over the last few years - walking. I find it very good to unwind and de-stress as well as giving me the added positive of building my fitness to fight. I have walked almost every day since surgery and so far every day since starting chemo. The distance has decreased this last week since chemo but am looking forward to building up again this week coming. So apart from glucosomine for my joints at the moment my vitamin pill is fresh air.
Hope this at least gives you another perpective or at least something to think about. Will be thinking of you as you wait - take heaps of care of yourself.
Dette xxxx
Hi Louise
Oops sorry to hear you're in for more treatment than hoped. I'm on the same track with radiotherapy and HBT after chemo and when found that out took on the motto "We are playing for sheep stations and this way you lose CA!"
I really empathise with you as you wait to see the oncologist and then the plan is put in place when you tend to feel "well if it's going to happen, let's go NOW"! Although having tried and enjoyed yoga (in a limited way) previously, as far as preparing for chemo I fell back to my constant form over the last few years - walking. I find it very good to unwind and de-stress as well as giving me the added positive of building my fitness to fight. I have walked almost every day since surgery and so far every day since starting chemo. The distance has decreased this last week since chemo but am looking forward to building up again this week coming. So apart from glucosomine for my joints at the moment my vitamin pill is fresh air.
Hope this at least gives you another perpective or at least something to think about. Will be thinking of you as you wait - take heaps of care of yourself.
Dette xxxx
I saw my Surgeon yesterday to get the details of my follow up treatment. Here I was hoping like crazy that a short dose of Chemo would do the trick!
No such luck. I am to have Chemo, Radiotherapy and HBT. Whew, not what I wanted hear guys...now I must wait until the 26th to meet with my Medical Oncologist. aaahhhhhhh.....that's nearly 2 weeks of waiting. Wow, I sure am learning patience...I have been reading up on all treatments so am fairly prepared for the Chemo, but must say, I'm really, really not looking forward to it!
Have any of you ladies been trying things like Yoga or Meditation etc to help relax? Would also like to hear about any extra Vitamins etc that can be of use? Thanks all xLouisex
Hi Louise
Good to hear that you have lost one of the drains now....it feels so much better when they are gone! You can almost feel human again :) Hopefully you will get rid of the other one on Saturday as planned.
I can relate to having a good old cry and then laughing at myself...I think we all do that at times, the "why me" and all that sort of thing. It's good to get your emotions out though rather than bottling them up inside. It makes you feel better afterwards.
I hope you are having a good day today :) Stay positive and come on here anytime you need to vent (and to keep us up to date, of course!).
Hugs,
Louise x
Hi Louise
Good to hear that you have lost one of the drains now....it feels so much better when they are gone! You can almost feel human again :) Hopefully you will get rid of the other one on Saturday as planned.
I can relate to having a good old cry and then laughing at myself...I think we all do that at times, the "why me" and all that sort of thing. It's good to get your emotions out though rather than bottling them up inside. It makes you feel better afterwards.
I hope you are having a good day today :) Stay positive and come on here anytime you need to vent (and to keep us up to date, of course!).
Hugs,
Louise x
Hi Viv
thanks for your words of encouragement. You have been through so much by the sounds of things! I am feeling much brighter today, when I read what I'd written yesterday, I was a little annoyed with myself for sounding so miserable, but I guess that's what this site is for. venting our frustrations from time to time...
The home care nurse came today and I had one of the drains removed and already I feel better just carting "martha" around - or is it arthur?? I think the one that is gone now must have been the one that always felt like it was "pulling" on my skin. The other comes out of Saturday all being well, which it will of course.
I have had a good old cry by myself last night....did the real self pitying bit, paced my bedroom cursing all and sundry and then worked myself up so much couldn't sleep. Today, I can laugh at myself...silly old cow that I am...lol...tee hee.
Viv, I am really looking forward to the day I can be the one offering support and advice to other "newcomers" of course I'd rather there were no newcomers, but that's just a pipe dream.
Many hugs to you xLouisex
Hi Louise. I remember that red hot poker so well!! It reduced me to tears at times. I would be doubled over at times with it. The exersises helped and the pain relief was a help but it gave me nausea which isnt much better. I cant suggest anything that the ladies on here havnt already. I can offer my support and understanding tho. I too surprised myself with how well I was coping and feared, like you, that it would all come crashing down. I guess we harness our recources to do what has to get done and then when we least expect it our bodies let go and we have a cry and our emotiions play havoc with us. That is where I am at at present. I hope this is not the case for you but if it happens dont worry just go with it and know you are not alone in how you are feeling and that it is perfectly ok. I am sorry you have to have chemo but you will get a mountain of support and advice on here. All this will pass and you will be on here giving advice to others years down the track having recovered and moved on. Keep this in mind Louise. It will end. And it will end well for you. I am wishing you all the best and my good thoughts and happy vibes are out there for you. Take care and allow yourself to not be strong at times its ok. Much love Viv XX
Hi all you wonderful, wonderful ladies, yes it is wonderful to be in my own bed, really the only time I get to be "on my own" as family is always fussing, but as you say, I am trying to accept it gracefully because i know it is given with love.
I am persavering with the exercises for my arm, those little hot poker just keep me on edge...and as for carting around "arthur and martha" (my name for these hideous bottles) I am seriously sick of them....lol...getting rid of them will be joy oh joy!!!!
I'm going to disperse all my lovely flowers around the house today, the lounge looks a bit like a funeral parlour!!!!.....deciding where to put each vase so's not to offend anyone....least of my worrries really. Wish I had more time to write to each of you individually, but at the moment I'm being so fussed over, even being on the computer seems to my darling sister to be "doing to much"....love and big hugs to you all.
xLouisex
Hi all you wonderful, wonderful ladies, yes it is wonderful to be in my own bed, really the only time I get to be "on my own" as family is always fussing, but as you say, I am trying to accept it gracefully because i know it is given with love.
I am persavering with the exercises for my arm, those little hot poker just keep me on edge...and as for carting around "arthur and martha" (my name for these hideous bottles) I am seriously sick of them....lol...getting rid of them will be joy oh joy!!!!
I'm going to disperse all my lovely flowers around the house today, the lounge looks a bit like a funeral parlour!!!!.....deciding where to put each vase so's not to offend anyone....least of my worrries really. Wish I had more time to write to each of you individually, but at the moment I'm being so fussed over, even being on the computer seems to my darling sister to be "doing to much"....love and big hugs to you all.
xLouisex
