Forum Discussion
Starting the journey - Waiting
Hi all
My name is Louise and I have just started out on this very scary journey!
A few weeks ago I noticed my left nipple no longer protruded as normal even in the cold and umm when stimulated lol. My dear partner (typical male) suggested it was because I sleep on my left side most of the time!
Being due for my regular PapSmear I asked my GP if she could check it out for me as I couldn't feel a lump. Having examined both breasts thoroughly she quietly suggested I ought to have another Mammogram (the most recent being in Feb 2010) and sent me off to a Womens Breast Testing Clinic. I was starting to feel a tad concerned at this point because I know my Doctor and her demeanour had changed even though she assured me that it could be nothing!
A 7 day wait for my appointment and I managed to put any bad thoughts out of my mind concentrating on my Family, friends, work and my beloved cats.
At the Clinic I was told after the Mammogram that perhaps I should have an Ultrasound...uh oh, alarm bells start to softly chime.
After the Ultrasound, the soft chiming became a loud clanging as the nurse told me very gently that yes, there was "something" there and I must have a Core Biopsy. I was booked in for that in 2 days time. Waiting, waiting, thinking positive all the while.
I sure hope I don't have to have another Biopsy too soon. After two injections of local anaesthetic the doctor still managed to take a sample from a section of my breast which hadn't dozed off.......wow.....give me child birth any day!
3 days to wait now and I am becoming more vague and doing silly things like putting milk in the pantry and sugar in the fridge.!
Finally it's time to see my GP and I can tell straight away by her attitude that things aren't looking too good here. She tells me as gently as she can that I have an Invasive Lobular Carcinoma and that I should see a Surgeon as soon as possible. Being a virgo..lol...I had done some research and already decided on the Hospital I wanted and together my GP and I discovered who we felt would be the best Surgeon for me.
5 days to wait until I see the Surgeon...wow, if only I could sleep until then. Just knock me out and wake me up in time for my appointment!
This was 5 days of numbness, of putting cat biscuits in the washing machine insead of Laundry liquid (not recommended) and mixing coke with my cordial instead of water, not a great taste sensation I can tell you.
So now I know. I have met my Surgeon (lovely lady) and know that in another 7 days time I will be having a Mastectomy and removal of several Lymph nodes. Whew..Is it just me? I have gone into mental meltdown, my brain just refuses to focus...Believe me, I am still doing my "power of positive" thinking routine but I'm not sure its working!!
7 days of waiting. I've told my partner of 6 years, who is being an absolute rock and my closest family and friends, but how do I tell my other friends and work colleagues? How do I cope with my best friend who sobs inconsolably everytime she talks to me? My older sister who usually cries through every movie we ever see together is also being an amazing support. What's going to happen after the surgery, will I be clear, will I need further treatment...it's all a bit much to take in. I read someone, somewhere on this site said "take it one day at time" if only each day wasn't so long, but I'm trying really hard!
Thank god I still have my sense of humour but I would really love to hear from other ladies who are just starting out or have already travelled this journey.
Thanks for reading.
Louise
51 Replies
Oh Louise, isn't your own bed such a delight - the things we take for granted! I remember when I got home from hospital, the feeling of snuggling down in my own bed was nothing short of bliss! I hope you are recovering well and not feeling too much pain. Dont forget this site when you feel a big blue - I kind of think sometimes you feel like you are alone on an island and this site is the rescue ship! Absolutely no one any where can relate like the ladies on this page can - keep healing, love and hugs Josie x x x
Hi Debbie, Dette & Josie,
Thanks for you wishes. Surgery over now. I'm home and getting around with my two drainage bottles safely tucked in their carry bag and hoisted over my shoulder! I won't know the full extent of my treatment until I see the doc on the 13th, but she has said I will ned chemo...oh joy...lol...really looking forward to that NOT..much more pain than I was lead to believe, my left arm feels like it has a red hot poker in it jabbing away to remind me its there. ouch..
Josie, I can understand how you felt and I will see a councellor as I feel I am being way too calm about all this. It's as if I'm a third party looking on at it all (apart from the pain) I just know I'm going to fall in a heap at any moment, but I'm taking one day at a time and will not let it get me down.
Nice to sleep in my own bed last night, with my two beautifull cats curled next to me. They know somethings amiss and are lavishing all their love on me. My sister and my partner have been watching over me like eager eagles..but I have 10 mins to myself at the moment as it's the "changing of the guard" wippee...wondering around doing my own thing and checking in here without all the "can I do that forr you?" nice as it is to be cared for, I'm just not used to being clucked over!
I hope you are all doing well and staying strong? Much love xLouisex
Hi Louse - Yes I lost that 'part' of my 59 years too - so any help or support I can give let me know - wishing you all the best, Josie x x x
Hi Louise
All the very best for your surgery tomorrow - I'm sure it will go well with all the good vibes, wishes and prayers that are coming your way from all your bcna team!
Will be thinking of you constantly, Dette xxx
HI Louise - Good luck for tomorrow. Everything will go well - you have all of us storming heaven for you! We will be thinking of you and sending you Rainbows of love and blessings...Hang in there, it will all be over soon. Have a good night's sleep - try...take special care and lots of love Peggy
Hi Peggy
thanks for dropping my, I haven't quite gotten into the routine of checking in with everyone else yet, but will in time. My Masectomy is tomorrow, so it's all finally happening.
Keep your fingers crossed for me....
Thank you for the blessings, I need all I can get.
xLouisex
Hi Louise
great name indeed....thanks for your message of support. Tomorrow is the big day (surgery) so I am starting to feel b...dy nervous! But will try to heed all the wonderful advise I have received on these pages!
My cats will become mighty suspicious of things when I'm not going out to work each morning! If I'm ever home sick they tend to follow me around like puppies or else curl up on the bed along side me, which is always very comforting (not to mention warm)
Talk soon
warmest regards
xLouisex
Hello Louise
Just stopping by to say Hello and hope you are doing well?Keep in touch and take special care - Love and rainbows of blessings Peggyxxxxxxxxxx
Hey Louise - great name you've got there girl!
I love your sense of humour and you will need to keep that while you go through your treatment :) If you can stay positive and focus on each little step at a time, it makes the journey so much easier. Don't stress about the big things until you have to - it won't make it any easier and will just cause you to lose sleep. Control the things that you can control and try to go with the flow for the rest. Ask lots of questions and listen to your doctor's advice.
The mastectomy op isn't too bad but unlike some of the others on this site, for me it took a week to get the pathology results....so just be aware that it may not be the next day that you find out! The doctor gave me an idea about the pathology when I came out of the op but the final results took about a week.
Good luck with everything and keep us up to date with how you are going! Give those pussy cats a big hug too - very therapeutic! My cat is on my knee at the moment and it makes it hard to type LOL (my cat has just been dianosed as a diabetic so now he is the one that has to have the needles!). He used to give me strange looks when I first lost my hair but he got used to it, as did I, eventually !!
Take care,
Louise x
Hey Louise - great name you've got there girl!
I love your sense of humour and you will need to keep that while you go through your treatment :) If you can stay positive and focus on each little step at a time, it makes the journey so much easier. Don't stress about the big things until you have to - it won't make it any easier and will just cause you to lose sleep. Control the things that you can control and try to go with the flow for the rest. Ask lots of questions and listen to your doctor's advice.
The mastectomy op isn't too bad but unlike some of the others on this site, for me it took a week to get the pathology results....so just be aware that it may not be the next day that you find out! The doctor gave me an idea about the pathology when I came out of the op but the final results took about a week.
Good luck with everything and keep us up to date with how you are going! Give those pussy cats a big hug too - very therapeutic! My cat is on my knee at the moment and it makes it hard to type LOL (my cat has just been dianosed as a diabetic so now he is the one that has to have the needles!). He used to give me strange looks when I first lost my hair but he got used to it, as did I, eventually !!
Take care,
Louise x
