Forum Discussion
Starting the journey - Waiting
Hi all
My name is Louise and I have just started out on this very scary journey!
A few weeks ago I noticed my left nipple no longer protruded as normal even in the cold and umm when stimulated lol. My dear partner (typical male) suggested it was because I sleep on my left side most of the time!
Being due for my regular PapSmear I asked my GP if she could check it out for me as I couldn't feel a lump. Having examined both breasts thoroughly she quietly suggested I ought to have another Mammogram (the most recent being in Feb 2010) and sent me off to a Womens Breast Testing Clinic. I was starting to feel a tad concerned at this point because I know my Doctor and her demeanour had changed even though she assured me that it could be nothing!
A 7 day wait for my appointment and I managed to put any bad thoughts out of my mind concentrating on my Family, friends, work and my beloved cats.
At the Clinic I was told after the Mammogram that perhaps I should have an Ultrasound...uh oh, alarm bells start to softly chime.
After the Ultrasound, the soft chiming became a loud clanging as the nurse told me very gently that yes, there was "something" there and I must have a Core Biopsy. I was booked in for that in 2 days time. Waiting, waiting, thinking positive all the while.
I sure hope I don't have to have another Biopsy too soon. After two injections of local anaesthetic the doctor still managed to take a sample from a section of my breast which hadn't dozed off.......wow.....give me child birth any day!
3 days to wait now and I am becoming more vague and doing silly things like putting milk in the pantry and sugar in the fridge.!
Finally it's time to see my GP and I can tell straight away by her attitude that things aren't looking too good here. She tells me as gently as she can that I have an Invasive Lobular Carcinoma and that I should see a Surgeon as soon as possible. Being a virgo..lol...I had done some research and already decided on the Hospital I wanted and together my GP and I discovered who we felt would be the best Surgeon for me.
5 days to wait until I see the Surgeon...wow, if only I could sleep until then. Just knock me out and wake me up in time for my appointment!
This was 5 days of numbness, of putting cat biscuits in the washing machine insead of Laundry liquid (not recommended) and mixing coke with my cordial instead of water, not a great taste sensation I can tell you.
So now I know. I have met my Surgeon (lovely lady) and know that in another 7 days time I will be having a Mastectomy and removal of several Lymph nodes. Whew..Is it just me? I have gone into mental meltdown, my brain just refuses to focus...Believe me, I am still doing my "power of positive" thinking routine but I'm not sure its working!!
7 days of waiting. I've told my partner of 6 years, who is being an absolute rock and my closest family and friends, but how do I tell my other friends and work colleagues? How do I cope with my best friend who sobs inconsolably everytime she talks to me? My older sister who usually cries through every movie we ever see together is also being an amazing support. What's going to happen after the surgery, will I be clear, will I need further treatment...it's all a bit much to take in. I read someone, somewhere on this site said "take it one day at time" if only each day wasn't so long, but I'm trying really hard!
Thank god I still have my sense of humour but I would really love to hear from other ladies who are just starting out or have already travelled this journey.
Thanks for reading.
Louise
51 Replies
Hey Louise - great name you've got there girl!
I love your sense of humour and you will need to keep that while you go through your treatment :) If you can stay positive and focus on each little step at a time, it makes the journey so much easier. Don't stress about the big things until you have to - it won't make it any easier and will just cause you to lose sleep. Control the things that you can control and try to go with the flow for the rest. Ask lots of questions and listen to your doctor's advice.
The mastectomy op isn't too bad but unlike some of the others on this site, for me it took a week to get the pathology results....so just be aware that it may not be the next day that you find out! The doctor gave me an idea about the pathology when I came out of the op but the final results took about a week.
Good luck with everything and keep us up to date with how you are going! Give those pussy cats a big hug too - very therapeutic! My cat is on my knee at the moment and it makes it hard to type LOL (my cat has just been dianosed as a diabetic so now he is the one that has to have the needles!). He used to give me strange looks when I first lost my hair but he got used to it, as did I, eventually !!
Take care,
Louise x
Hey Louise - great name you've got there girl!
I love your sense of humour and you will need to keep that while you go through your treatment :) If you can stay positive and focus on each little step at a time, it makes the journey so much easier. Don't stress about the big things until you have to - it won't make it any easier and will just cause you to lose sleep. Control the things that you can control and try to go with the flow for the rest. Ask lots of questions and listen to your doctor's advice.
The mastectomy op isn't too bad but unlike some of the others on this site, for me it took a week to get the pathology results....so just be aware that it may not be the next day that you find out! The doctor gave me an idea about the pathology when I came out of the op but the final results took about a week.
Good luck with everything and keep us up to date with how you are going! Give those pussy cats a big hug too - very therapeutic! My cat is on my knee at the moment and it makes it hard to type LOL (my cat has just been dianosed as a diabetic so now he is the one that has to have the needles!). He used to give me strange looks when I first lost my hair but he got used to it, as did I, eventually !!
Take care,
Louise x
Hi Di
Thanks for the warm welcome...this is such a wonderful site.
I will indeed look at the links you provided.
Best Regards
Louise
Hi Di
Thanks for the warm welcome...this is such a wonderful site.
I will indeed look at the links you provided.
Best Regards
Louise
Hi Louise and welcome! You look as though you already have the site figured out, but if you need a hand with finding your way around just ask. :)
Here's a couple of links that might help (including to the brochure/page for friends and colleagues):
- Helping a friend or colleague with breast cancer
- Online network help page (with downloadable user guide)
- All posts page where you can see the latest network activity.
Hope that helps -- don't be afraid to ask if you need anything.
~Di
Hi Louise
You sound like an amazing lady already and I love your sense of humour.
I was diagnosed in May with similar uh oh times, although while still on the table for the ultrasound the lovely lady said "I think the doctor would like to do a biopsy if you've nothing better to do" - I won't add my reply!!! Needless to say I stayed a little longer. After 3 failed aspirations of the enlarged node, it was onto the lump - apparently had used maximum local so I agree childbirth and gallstones were a breeze! In fact doctor decided that was not going to risk an actual core biopsy. The results were enough to know it was cancer but no details-8 days till surgeon visit which we left at 5.30pm with a night to decide and ring about lumpectomy or mastectomy!
We got home and my husband rang our three children and parents. I hid for 2 days before talking to friends!!
I went to work the next day and told my immediate manager and several colleagues, one of whom I needed as a repacement for my leadership position. What was really hard was that after that initial rush every anaethetist was off to a conference and my surgery couldn't be for another 2 weeks!! The rest of the work colleagues I told personally in the 2 days before I finished.
The"Supporting a friend or colleague with BC" pamphlet that you can download from here (or a couple come in your My Journey pack) has been great according to my friends and colleagues. You do have that don't you??
Don't know if this has been any help but must admit it was interesting to try remembering those foggy weeks even though they're only a month away!
Take care, Dette xxxx
Dear Louise,
We can all understand the intensity of the emotions you are going through right now. Hang on to that sense of humour and stay positive (it does help!!). I was diganosed in Sept last year. Had an appointment for an ultrasound and this wonderful Dr suggested I do a mammogram and a biopsy...and it did not see to worry me - for some odd reason. Got the results a few days later and when my GP gave us the diagnosis and I saw my husbands face - decided right then and there that I was not going to let this "thing" get the better of me or my family. Had a lumpectomy - and they found this tiny bit of ca in thesentinel node - so went in again to have the nodes removed. Had chemo which finished in Jan, RAdiation completed on the 13th April and am all good and feel normal again - went back to work in March after 3 months off. Time has gone by so fast - am back to zumba again and feeling great with my new curly hair!!! I know this may sound a bit weird or crazy...but this is the best thing that has happend to me - has helped me take stock and re-evaluate what is important - its Family all the way!! You will find the most beautiful supportive people and you will also find people who find it hard to approach you - everyone is different. We are so lucky to have so much help and support in Australia - the doctors, nurses and therapists are truly amazing. Walk through each day one step at a time - and try to lead as normal a life as possible (thats a decision we made as a family) - embrace the good days and accept the not so good days. Pray - love and Don't let it get to you....no matter what!! We are all sending you Rainbows of love and support and blessings. Wiht much love ....Peggy
We are here for you! so don't be afraid to get on here and 'vent'! its ok and we all do it - it is the one refuge that we have! Good luck darling, our hearts are with you x x x Josie
Josie, if you ran naked down the street I would fall about in hysterics! and probably join you although at this stage I still have hair...boy I am so looking forward to that loss...NOT !!! but hey I always wanted to try scarves and wigs and stuff...maybe I could go blonde this time round.
As for the stupid comments people say, well, I just tend to bite my tongue and smile indulgently at them. I've only been on this roller coaster for a couple of weeks and I'm already over hearing about everybody else who knows someone who had breast cancer and they did this and they did that.....aaarrrrrrrhhhhh. I am truly only interested in you wonderful ladies here and now! Here we can laugh, cry, vent our frustrations and share each others feelings.
Keep the humour coming, I know, I for one am going to need it in the coming weeks.
Hugs and smiles
xLouisex
Hi Emma
Glad you appreciate the humour, what would we do without it? I too am now relying on my closest family to tell other family members and my partner telling our friends.
I really do hope all is good new on Thursday, I will be thinking of you as I doze off for mine! I will certainly be reading your posts with all fingers crossed. At least I'm not losing them! lol....I am sitting in my study watching a white parrot through the window. I leave a hanging seed bowl in a tree outside and this parrot appears injured in some way as he/she can't seem to reach the bowl. It is slowly inching it's way closer (it cannot seem to fly but must of arrived somehow) My heart bleeds for it and I will not stop watching until it has reached the food. I somehow feel our illness makes us empathise more?
I know the waiting is agonising, but you WILL get through this week OK, stray strong girl.
Big hugs
xLouisex
