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tabbycat's avatar
tabbycat
Member
14 years ago

Starting the journey - Waiting

Hi all

My name is Louise and I have just started out on this very scary journey!

A few weeks ago I noticed my left nipple no longer protruded as normal even in the cold and umm when stimulated lol. My dear partner (typical male) suggested it was because I sleep on my left side most of the time!

Being due for my regular PapSmear I asked my GP if she could check it out for me as I couldn't feel a lump. Having examined both breasts thoroughly she quietly suggested I ought to have another Mammogram (the most recent being in Feb 2010) and sent me off to a Womens Breast Testing Clinic. I was starting to feel a tad concerned at this point because I know my Doctor and her demeanour had changed even though she assured me that it could be nothing!

A 7 day wait for my appointment and I managed to put any bad thoughts out of my mind concentrating on my Family, friends, work and my beloved cats.

At the Clinic I was told after the Mammogram that perhaps I should have an Ultrasound...uh oh, alarm bells start to softly chime.

After the Ultrasound, the soft chiming became a loud clanging as the nurse told me very gently that yes, there was "something" there and I must have a Core Biopsy. I was booked in for  that in 2 days time. Waiting, waiting, thinking positive all the while.

I sure hope I don't have to have another Biopsy too soon. After two injections of local anaesthetic the doctor still managed to take a sample from a section of my breast which hadn't dozed off.......wow.....give me child birth any day!

3 days to wait now and I am becoming more vague and doing silly things like putting milk in the pantry and sugar in the fridge.!

Finally it's time to see my GP and I can tell straight away by her attitude that things aren't looking too good here. She tells me as gently as she can that I have an Invasive Lobular Carcinoma and that I should see a Surgeon as soon as possible. Being a virgo..lol...I had done some research and already decided on the Hospital I wanted and together my GP and I discovered who we felt would be the best Surgeon for me.

5 days to wait until I see the Surgeon...wow, if only I could sleep until then. Just knock me out and wake me up in time for my appointment!

This was 5 days of numbness, of putting cat biscuits in the washing machine insead of Laundry liquid (not recommended) and mixing coke with my cordial instead of water, not a great taste sensation I can tell you.

So now I know. I have met my Surgeon (lovely lady) and know that in another 7 days time I will be having a Mastectomy and removal of several Lymph nodes. Whew..Is it just me? I have gone into mental meltdown, my brain just refuses to focus...Believe me, I am still doing my "power of positive" thinking routine but I'm not sure its working!!

7 days of waiting. I've told my partner of 6 years, who is being an absolute rock and my closest family and friends, but how do I tell my other friends and work colleagues? How do I cope with my best friend who sobs inconsolably everytime she talks to me? My older sister who  usually cries through every movie we ever see together is also being an amazing support. What's going to happen after the surgery, will I be clear, will I need further treatment...it's all a bit much to take in. I read someone, somewhere on this site  said "take it one day at time" if only each day wasn't so long, but I'm trying really hard!

Thank god I still have my sense of humour but I would really love to hear from other ladies who are just starting out or have already travelled this journey.

Thanks for reading.

Louise

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  • tabbycat's avatar
    tabbycat
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Debs

    So nice to meet you (so to speak) - I am already feeling a little better about all this by having such lovely ladies like yourself reply so quickly to my posting.

    Hope we talk more soon.

    cheers

    Louisex

  • hippyviv's avatar
    hippyviv
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Louise. I was diagnosed in April this year. My story quite similar. I wanted to go on HRT therapy as I was feeling like sh**t. A routine mamogram before hrt found the lump. I was then sent for a ultrasound and then a biopsy all on the same day so I was saved the waiting somewhat but was in shock as this never happens to me!! I had to wait someitime before getting the results as it was over the easter brreak. When I was told it was invasive cancer I was in shock and remained so for weeks. The hardest part was telling my partner and my two children. Both my children are grown up and handled it differently. My son withdrew and went quiet and avoided me and monitored my every move,as in Mum you cant eat that, drink that its not good for your cancer.  I just want to hug him and make his concerns go away. My daughter bought me presents and asked loads of questions and offered support in her own way. My partner has been amazing and it is him I am taking this out on! I had a mastectomy on May23rd and a sentinal node biopsy. The biopsy was negative, Phew. Now I am dealing with having had my breast removed. On the one hand it was the best thing as now I dont need radiotherapy as they say they got it all ( god hope they are right on this one!) They tell me chemo would only help 1.8% so I dont need that either (once again hope they are right here!) Now I am left with  dealing with phantom boob pain! I get pain and tenderness in my left boob and that is the one that was removed! I am numb where my scar is but that is normal so dont worry. They will give you exercises to do the next day and I highly recommend you do them religously. You will feel a bit stiff but with the exercises that will pass. The op itself is not a big op so you will recover quite quickly physically. They should give you the results of the lymph test the next day as well and I wish you every good luck that the results are good. All I can suggest Louise is that you take it one step at a time and dont look to what-ifs. I do know this is easier said than done but whenever I went to what-if I shut it out and thought of the stage I was at right at that moment. Be kind to yourself. Take things gently. Don't look too far ahead. Treat yourself and lean on those that are there with a strong shoulder. Keep on here and let us know how you are faring and every good luck. My thoughts are with you and I am sending good vibes your way. XX Viv

  • tabbycat's avatar
    tabbycat
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Tonya

    Thank you so much for your reply, the first person I've heard from who has been through this experience.

    I really appreciate your comments and try to do as you suggest and keep busy! Easier said than done but will make the effort.

    I hope things are going well for you now and I will read your blogs to learn from your story.

    Thanks again

    Louise

    xx

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    14 years ago

    Normal reactions Louise-like being caught up in a twister or something.I've been on this journey twice and the second time ,last year,I handled things a little differently workwise.I spoke to my boss privately and arranged my sick leave and asked her not to say anything.I had to wait 2 weeks for surgery and I didn't think I could stay strong if I had to tell my work mates.So I told them one at a time on my last day of work before surgery -hugs and tears which I predicted but I could then say bye and walk out. There is no right or wrong way.

    Try and keep really busy for the next week or the waiting will do your head in. Will chat more.

                                                          Tonya xx