So Sad

Dear @melony,
Best wishes for your results and Oncologist consult. I hope you will need NO treatment whatsover because everything is OK
I'm glad you are not so scared about chemo now. If it is recommended, It may treat you lightly - unknown  until you get in there! I  was lucky - on  an AC regime no nausea, had aches and pains but only for a few days each round, some problems with hand food syndrome (rash and blisters) and tiredness. But all cleared up well.
You mentioned Centrelink - You could look up what your entitlements might be if you cannot work. Are you working now? Good to be prepared with info on  all  fronts but you'll know more after your oncologist consult what treatment is recommended for you. As you can already  see,  it is a great gang in here 

Hi to you @Melony.  All the above ladies have given excellent advice. Just to add re your question 'what's cording?' This can be a complication following node clearance, especially axillary node dissection.  The connective tissue , mixed with nearby blood vessels and lymph vessels can harden or form scar tissue.  This can feel like rope or cord extending from the scar down to the elbow or even lower.  I had it and physiotherapy massage fixed it.  Don't worry about this yet, one step at a time.  Good luck with your test results.  The wait is agony x

Hi and welcome .
What you are experiencing is all normal. I was a blubbering mess for days. But that's okay. Just ride those waves of emotion. Once you have a treatment plan and get started you will start feeling a little better. It's the waiting that is the worst. At least it's gone now...bring on the next part of treatment. Kath x

Hey @melony,

Welcome.  As you can already see the gorgeous ladies here are full of wisdom and warmth.  We know that paralyzing fear and uncertainty at the beginning.  
I had the ugly bit removed, back for re excision to get clearer margins and full lymph node clearance with 5/24 with cancer in them.  
It does take a while for the sensation to come back. Makes shaving under your arms interesting at the start with no feeling.

  One of my biggest fears was coming out at the end of it a different person.  I too am a fixer, chief renovator, patcher upper of poor old house and farm, head spider, frog and lizard re-locator and auto electrician lol.  If you want something fixed...go to mum.  If you are anything like I am this is how you will get through all this.  I planned jobs and kept fixing stuff the whole way along to distract me from constant thoughts of treatment and helped keep my mind focused.  

Chemo scares the hell out of everyone at the start.  The build up and fear of how your body will react is generally worse than when you actually get going.  Seriously does your head in. Once you get your results you will feel a little more in control with a plan in place.

 It's ok to feel scared, it's ok to cry and scream.  It's normal but it will get less and less.  You'll get it done and come out the other side a stronger, more bad ass version of the wonderful person you already are.

Lots of hugs, one foot after the other, one day at a time

xoxoxox

Oh it's like reading my own writing! So if it's any comfort @Melony, you're very normal! I was diagnosed in December from a routine mammogram, no pain or lumps. At first I was insanely angry, and then a few weeks later a hot wet mess. SO many tears. I had weird arm and back sensations from the wide local excision and the sentinel node biopsy. It can take a few months to settle down.

Once you have a treatment plan it gets better. Waiting for results is the absolute worst, once you know what's going on it gets better. I had chemotherapy and had a massive panic attack before the first one. It was fear of the unknown. Once it got under way I was OK and while it is in no parts fun, I got through it.

My life has been on hold for over five months now. It is depressing, but it's what we have to do to hopefully get through and get healthy. I'm having a bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstruction next Friday and am filling my days with organisation to distract myself.

Have you got good support at home? Someone to come with you to these early appointments? It's a very steep learning curve and it can be good to have another set of ears. My husband had to be away for work a lot at the beginning and so I often took a close friend. It was really useful.

The women above have given you some great advice. Hang in there. You're not alone, be kind to yourself and accept all offers of help (I find that particularly hard!). Breathe. K xox

@melony I had 12 lymph nodes removed an do have some numbness which is quite normal. 

Whats cording?

I had a node biopsy.   Thanks so much for answering.  Not so worried now.  

Happy to answer this - if you've had some nodes out, it interferes with a major nerve that runs along there.  You may have numbness, pins and needles or just a sensation of scrambled feedback in different parts of the area.  Some or all of the feeling may come back, or there may be some permanent loss of sensation.  I had my partial just before Christmas Day and that's when most of the damage seemed to happen (I didn't notice much difference when I went back to have the axillary clearance).  I don't get the pins and needles sensation now but I have numbness along the back of my arm and under the armpit.  Also, watch out for cording - better to get on to that sooner rather than later.

Yeah good idea.   Just a question for you kiwi.  After your op did you experience any numbness in your neck and down your arm a bit?  My surgeon said to text her with any concerns but I don't want to bother her on the weekend if this is quiet normal.