Hi I'm 42 just found out on the 29th august that I have breast cancer.I'm new to this I have my ups and downs I don't know how to handle this there is days where I cry a lot and then pretend that I am OK but really I'm not my family won't do things that they normally do my son had a family BBQ with his in laws and said he won't go how can he pretend to be happy.And then there is days where I'm OK I can't really talk to my family about this as all I do is cry

Just wanted to say take care and try and roll with it. The normality of what you had prior may not return as the node clearance has upset the nerves and the lymphatic system. My armpit used to feel wet for a long time as well as numb. In time I had a lymphatic drainage massage as the system needs to find new pathways. Ask when you can start using deodorant again, and that is hilarious when it is numb because you are not sure if you have rolled it on or not! Have to laugh!It will all work out, just the minute details are not always explained until you are in it and wondering, who the, what the!Everyone here has words of wisdom borne through experience, just ask away!

Hi @Leilani just a couple of things to add to the other ladies. Remember to acknowledge to yourself that this is a truely horrible shock, ( if you had had a car accident it would almost be easier to understand the instant change of life), it's so hard in those first days but try to breathe and remember you deserve and should come first. You sound very social. Maybe an easy way of dealing with the invites, like your neices bday, say you will do your best to come, then on the day if you aren't up to it just wish her a lovely day and say ' I won't be there I'm not feeling well enough but look forward to seeing pictures. This way you immediately remove your own mind talk about going or not going. Really I'm sure your family just want you well. My daughter was 17 when I was diagnosed and she found it better if I would let her know what was happening as I knew it. This stopped her imagining the worst. (I did always put a positive spin on the info). Im 3 years down the track and all good. Lots of ladies on here are years and years past their first diagnosis. Xxo

My daughter is 17 as well and she has been to nearly every appointments that I have and I talk to her about what might happen with like treatment. It's my nieces 6th B-Day next week and she asked me if I can come to her party and I said that I will see how I go and how I'm feeling and I told her that if I can't make it I will buy her a present and send it to her

It makes perfect sense and we all know those feelings. Take one day at a time otherwise it is very easy to be overwhelmed. Don't fret about things that haven't happened - they may never happen. Husbands have a habit of not talking (not about anything serious anyway!) but he may be happy to help you if you tell him what to do! It's all daunting to begin with but little by little we find ways to manage these new situations. You are an organiser, and you will find a way through this too. Keep your eye on the prize (cancer free) and your sense of your own worth intact. That's a precious thing. Best wishes

Thank you for your advice I will take one day at a time. I feel a little bit better talking to some one that has been there or is going threw it I didn't know if I can talk to anyone

Scared worried and confused | BCNA Online Network

70 Replies

kmakm
Member
8 years ago
@Leilani, virtually no one knows anything about this BC business at the start! It's a vertical learning curve. Seriously, there is no such thing as a stupid question. K xox :)
Leilani
Member
8 years ago
Thank you for ur help I didn't know if I need to take it with me or not this is all new to me sorry if it is a stupid question
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
Yes @Leilani, take it with you. You may or may not want to wear it immediately but it's good to have as an option. Can be handy for tucking icepacks into!
Leilani
Member
8 years ago
I have a question I got my bra in the mail the other day just wondering do I need to take it to the hospital with me when I go in for surgery.

Thank u everyone for the help and support I am getting from all u lovely ladys
Leilani
Member
8 years ago
I have to agree with that I was with my mum from the start so I seen what she had to go threw and it wasn't nice at all like u said it has came so far now. I keep telling my self that I am going to beat this horrible thing. I'm worried about my 4 year old grandson he knows that nanny has a sick booby and that I am going to get it cut off but the thing is that he is having trouble at night sleeping cause he is worried about me but I tell him that nanny is OK and I love him and his 1 year old brother so much.
kitkatb
Member
8 years ago
@Leilani I lost my mum to it 25 years ago now. Just keep in mind how individually focused all the treatments are now and how far medicine has come and still going for this bloody horrible disease. So much has changed and is still changing all the time.
Leilani
Member
8 years ago
It helps some times when I do it and some times it doesn't. My husband doesn't talk to anyone at all I don't really have anyone to talk to as I lost my mum from breast cancer about 16 years ago so it's hard. I spoke to hubby about this group and he is happy that I am in a group that is going threw the same thing as I am and that I can talk to all u wonderful ladys
kitkatb
Member
8 years ago
@Leilani, Your comments make perfect sense. I also hear you about husbands, mine talks very little about it but I have seen the tears and I am thankful I know he has talks with family. Surgery will be fine. Just take one step at a time. I won't be too far behind you with surgery once my chemo is finished. Great you are getting into the cross stitch. xx
Leilani
Member
8 years ago
Thank u so much I'm doing a diamond art cross stitch for my daughter at the moment to keep my mind occupied. I'm scared about the surgery and after that I might have to go for treatment. Everyone on here are wonderful and lovely hope all goes well for u too. I know some of my comments don't make sense xxx
kitkatb
Member
8 years ago
Hi @Leilani, Welcome to the forum, its unfortunate that you have to be here but you will find everyone here understands how you feel and what you are going through even though each of us are on our own journey. Its a great place to rant, rave, cry and laugh with others who get how you feel. I was numb and in shock at the beginning as well with my mind jumping in overtime and imagining the worse scenarios but I found once a plan of action had been formulated at least I could move forward. I can't say enough for the breast care nurses and their support through everything and hopefully you too will have that same fantastic support system with them. After 2 surgeries and ongoing chemo I too will be up for a mastectomy like yourself next month. Do whatever you feel is right for you and just do whatever you have too to keep your mind occupied whether its going for walks or watching TV over the next week or too. My thoughts are with you. xox

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Scared worried and confused

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