Dear @Shenners
No-one ‘deserves’ cancer but you have been through quite enough without this. Your practical approach and resilience is outstanding. I’m sure you have moments when it’s not so good but under the circumstances you are to be utterly commended.
I had a single mastectomy and no reconstruction so I can’t advise on bilateral
surgery or reconstruction. But the latter can be time intensive and possibly expensive depending on your circumstances. In due course your surgeon can give you more details.
Your wish not to live in perpetual fear of breast cancer is completely understandable but again, may depend on circumstances. My oncologist believed that I had a possibly greater chance of cancer elsewhere in the body than in my (so far) unaffected breast. So far, so good, 12 years! My surgeon preferred to wait rather than immediate reconstruction, which suited me fine as I wasn’t sure about it. Some people hate being lop sided, I’m large breasted, use a prosthesis and find it fine.
So…among all the other options, there is also the one of a single mastectomy (which is usually remarkably painless and a quick recovery) and take some time to consider and make longer term decisions. That may alter your reconstructive options so needs to be discussed with your surgeon. But it may also give you some time to fully absorb the losses you have experienced, help your children in their own demanding year and breathe a bit!
Can’t recommend too highly a good counsellor. This is ‘mess with your brain’ stuff. All of it. I spent a remarkably short time with an excellent counsellor - she gently but firmly questioned some of my long held practices (very little of her concerns were about how I was dealing with cancer!) that were not productive in a balanced life - she didn’t tell me what to fix, she just encouraged ‘the examined life’. Her exercises led me to a better life/work balance, and a sane and productive attitude towards death. I still use many of them. Knowing that cancer is often the first brush with that intrusive concept is a step in the right direction all by itself. My counsellor no longer consults in Melbourne, but your GP may be able to recommend practitioners suited to cancer patients.
So many decisions. My very best wishes for your health and happiness whatever you choose.
