Not doing so well tonight

My dear @Sazbe, I wish I could come over and give you a big gentle hug too. I agree with @kmakm about a breast friend...a sort of breast doula, who could fill in the gaps which your partner seems unable to fill. Perhaps it is his past traumatic experience with his first wife or maybe it is just his underlying nature. I've been married for nearly thirty nine years now, and my Bearded One is an Aspie. (aspergers). It took me a good few years to learn to spell out my needs and wants very clearly. He doesn't get hints and finds it very difficult to read people. I learnt early on not to say something like "Ooh, a cup of tea would be nice"...as his typical response would be "That sounds like a good idea, I'll have a coffee thanks". I had to say "Lovey, could you please make me a cup of tea?" ...and he would, quite happily. I also had some stupid brain fart, after about four of five years of marriage. I was feeling quite emotionally neglected and sobbed... "You never tell me you love me anymore..." His response was "I told you I love you when I married you. If the situation changes. I'll let you know" So Romeo, he most certainly isn't, but his deep love for me is something else. He has cared for me in his way for all these years, and all I had to do, was drop my expectations of him being able to show his love for me in a way that he simply couldn't. Any more than expecting a colour blind person to tell red from green, he just can't. Pain is another story...don't put up with it. Tell the staff you need either more of what you're getting, or more frequently, or perhaps something different. If drug A isn't doing the job, perhaps you need drug B. Be gentle with yourself, and remember, this isn't just a physical attack on your body, it's an attack on your soul and your inner peace. There is no magic bullet for that, but it will improve. The night time nasties will become easier to put into perspective when your physical pain lessens, and then your inside healing can begin. We are all here for you, and can give you an electronic shoulder to lean on, and we will, day or night. I hope you get some rest tonight, and that you feel a bit better tomorrow. (((hug))) Ally.