Newly diagnosed and need support
Hi all, I’ve been reading here for the past couple of weeks but finally have the courage to reach out and ask for help. I’m really struggling right now. I was diagnosed just before Xmas with lobular b...
Forum Discussion
Hi @Liz27,
Very good of you to ask for support. I waited about 3-4 months to post, and was madly just reading as much as I could until then to inform myself from those who had already experienced it. Definitely the hardest time for you is now. I often think about those feelings of terror when initially diagnosed, for me around this time last year, and how much they have changed since then. I almost forget sometimes, unless I really focus and then it all comes rushing back, then I wish I hadn’t 😆. As much as I’d love it, I realise it’s impossible to avoid those fears. No matter what others say to you, in the very beginning everything is too new, unfamiliar and frightening for you to be able to see the bigger picture, and that you are definitely going to be ok, especially if you truly want to be. By coming on this forum though, you’re already taking fast steps to overcoming those first feelings of hopelessness and being more confident that things will be fine. Not easy, but fine.
Very good of you to ask for support. I waited about 3-4 months to post, and was madly just reading as much as I could until then to inform myself from those who had already experienced it. Definitely the hardest time for you is now. I often think about those feelings of terror when initially diagnosed, for me around this time last year, and how much they have changed since then. I almost forget sometimes, unless I really focus and then it all comes rushing back, then I wish I hadn’t 😆. As much as I’d love it, I realise it’s impossible to avoid those fears. No matter what others say to you, in the very beginning everything is too new, unfamiliar and frightening for you to be able to see the bigger picture, and that you are definitely going to be ok, especially if you truly want to be. By coming on this forum though, you’re already taking fast steps to overcoming those first feelings of hopelessness and being more confident that things will be fine. Not easy, but fine.
I’m really glad you have great support from
your family, but don’t wonder why you’re not coping better and terrified. It’s because at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to go through the whole rigmarole of treatment, not them. You’re the one who is slapped in the face by her mortality. You’re the one who has to pretend she is strong when in reality her world feels like it’s crumbling. And your support people are also pretty terrified themselves. Ca tends to make people feel extremely lonely. So don’t feel like you have to be strong for them
and yourself. You are strong and you’ll beat this, but you don’t alway have to feel like it. You can admit you’re terrified and scared shitless and cry because you want to be the one to raise your kids, not anyone else. And you can be angry too. Because you have the right to feel all those things. You’ve just been diagnosed with one of the scariest diseases on earth. It’s treatable, but it’s f**king scary. So tell yourself it’s ok to be scared, don’t chase these feelings away because they’re part of the process. Each stage is different and brings about new feelings and perspectives about it. But you can’t jump the queue, you need to go through each one carefully and try to process what happens when it happens. And it happens quickly, so don’t stress about things not moving. Once this surgery is done they’ll fly. Just make sure to not think too far ahead, focus on the stage you’re in, feel what you need to feel, then move on to the next stage when it’s time. And please, don’t wait for this ‘whole thing’ to be over to enjoy yourself again and have fun. It could take a while, esp with chemo, so try to find pleasure in your days regularly, and treat yourself to things you love, even if they’re small. Your life does not have to stop just because ca decided to butt its extremely unwanted, unwelcome and ugly head in. You rule it, it does not rule you.
your family, but don’t wonder why you’re not coping better and terrified. It’s because at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to go through the whole rigmarole of treatment, not them. You’re the one who is slapped in the face by her mortality. You’re the one who has to pretend she is strong when in reality her world feels like it’s crumbling. And your support people are also pretty terrified themselves. Ca tends to make people feel extremely lonely. So don’t feel like you have to be strong for them
and yourself. You are strong and you’ll beat this, but you don’t alway have to feel like it. You can admit you’re terrified and scared shitless and cry because you want to be the one to raise your kids, not anyone else. And you can be angry too. Because you have the right to feel all those things. You’ve just been diagnosed with one of the scariest diseases on earth. It’s treatable, but it’s f**king scary. So tell yourself it’s ok to be scared, don’t chase these feelings away because they’re part of the process. Each stage is different and brings about new feelings and perspectives about it. But you can’t jump the queue, you need to go through each one carefully and try to process what happens when it happens. And it happens quickly, so don’t stress about things not moving. Once this surgery is done they’ll fly. Just make sure to not think too far ahead, focus on the stage you’re in, feel what you need to feel, then move on to the next stage when it’s time. And please, don’t wait for this ‘whole thing’ to be over to enjoy yourself again and have fun. It could take a while, esp with chemo, so try to find pleasure in your days regularly, and treat yourself to things you love, even if they’re small. Your life does not have to stop just because ca decided to butt its extremely unwanted, unwelcome and ugly head in. You rule it, it does not rule you.
As for the surgery, think about it carefully and ask a million questions if you need to. Make sure you’re really happy with your medical team. You should change them if you’re not happy cos it’s too important, and you’re too important, not to. I had a skin/nipple sparing DMX last year with expanders put in, which I still have. Need to be changed for implants soon. I changed my medical team after first surgery and it was best thing I did. I’m happy with all my decisions so far and feel 100% better than when I was first diagnosed, when I was an absolute mess. I’ve been seeing a psychologist for 6 months who has helped me enormously, so please think about that as they do help a lot. Wishing you all the best and keep in touch. Sorry for very long answer, I’m tired but can’t sleep 🤨😁🍀♥️.
Mon Xx
Mon Xx