Just want to say hello

Hello everyone,
Obviously I'm new here. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on 24th January this year. I have er positive breast cancer , my tumor is 6cm and stage 3.
A bit about myself : I just turned 43. I am single with no kids, I'm on disability for my acute anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, depression, panic attacks. My best friend was my mother who sadly passed away July 14 2015 after being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I've lived with her most of my life and live in our family home. The devastation and grief since has been tough and unbearable at times. I looked after her through treatment and she died at home like she wanted to. I also take care of my older schizophrenic brother who lives in our family home. The stress of the past few years have taken it's toll on me mentally and physically. Last year in February I had a heart attack, I believe was from the stress and grief. I lost 14kg in six months due to inability to eat watching my mum fade. I was so depressed I didn't care about anything especially myself. I knew back then I had a lump in my breast but chose to ignore it and eventually forgot about it. Over Xmas this year I noticed how swollen my breast was and started freaking out. Went to my doctor and was sent for mammogram and biopsy straight away. My fears were confirmed that I had breast cancer. I started chemo pretty much straight away, I was started on abraxane because of heart attack last year and doctor waiting for confirmation from the cardiology to approve ac chemo. I've just been switched to regular paclitaxel last week. This Tuesday will be my 8th round with 4 more to go before the ac. Side effects have mostly been diarrhea and last few treatments I've developed hand and foot syndrome which is very uncomfortable.
My surgery will be after I've completed chemo. I'm also on the zoladex monthly injection to shut down my ovaries.
Its all overwhelming and I really have no one to talk to as I have no friends. Not sure what section to post in.
Sorry for the long post.
Cheers.

14 Replies

LMK74
Member
9 years ago
Thanks Brenda5.
☺
Brenda5
Member
9 years ago
Hey Lisa, we're all here for you any time. Everyones different but together we're a pretty good bunch. I hear you on the stress and panic thing and sometimes I think I am going to lose it but I am now seeing a psychiatrist who has me on a half dose of med. Goodness they are strong but at least I am getting some good sleep now although the included 4 to 6 hours sleep during the day means I am getting nothing done around the place. Oh well, no one ever died from a dusty house with dirty floors, it will keep. <3
LMK74
Member
9 years ago
Zoffiel, Di,and Fairydust, Thank you for your replies and words of encouragement, it is much appreciated. Losing a loved one I think is the hardest thing in this life, and many of you have lost loved one's yourself. I guess I wasn't expecting to be back in the very same place as my mum was. I already knew a lot of the nurses from when my mum did treatment, it is both comforting and disturbing at the same time as it brings so many memories up for me. Makes me miss her even more,like it was yesterday.
I am glad I joined this forum as I'm sure it will help knowing others going through this too.
Thank you all
Lisa x
fairydust
Member
9 years ago
@LMK74 look around and you will see lots of people who have cancer, It seems very unfair what has happened in your life, I believe by reaching out even to this forum is a brave step IT has taken me a year before I felt comfortable to post anything,
Not everybody has friends along the way .Sometimes people who could have treated me a whole lot better didnt

Give yourself a pat on the back for looking after your mother the way she wanted, Not everybody can cope you did,
Time to look after you You are important , Things may be hard but dont worry in my experience the doctors and breast care nurse go out of the way to make your journey easier, Best wishes
fairydust
Member
9 years ago
@LMK74 you have had a difficult path in life, I do not believe the universe is against you for one second.
Di
Member
9 years ago
@LMK74 welcome to the forum . I have only just joined and already in a few days have received such encouragement from the ladies. It sounds like you have been through a very tough time. You have to give yourself credit. When you get diagnosed you get the fight or flight . I was diagnosed on the 28.11.2012 with a 7cm tumour stage 3 with sentinel node involvement and had a left mastectomy and 15 nodes removed because the margins weren't clear. I went through 3 months chemo first to see if they could shrink my tumour as was too close to the margins and then mastectomy in March 20 2013, had an infection and couldn't start the next 3 months chemo until 9 weeks and then 3 months of chemo again and 4 weeks later 6 weeks radiation again. I have been back st work for 3 years now 32.Narch 2013 and next week see a surgeon re my reconstruction.
For me I found Taxol pretty tough and got pretty bad neuropathy in my feet and hands. Going through chemo I was determined to stay positive and always dressed brightly even if underneath I was not feeling it.
I too had lost my sister previously at 47 only 2 year older than me with breast cancer and was determined in my mind I was not going to give in. I have an identical twin sister it was tough on her so I made sure I worked on positive thinking. Chemo was pretty good. First week was tough but had no sickness . AC was so much better than Taxol but still had a few moments.
I always think god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers and all of us going through this are soldiers.
Wishing you all the best . You sound like an amazing fighter after all the hurdles you have overcome.
Di xx
Zoffiel
Member
9 years ago
One step at a time @LMK74. AC is not pleasant but you do get a couple of good weeks inbetween doses. It doesn't have the wicked muscle pains associated with the taxols so you could feel OK. I worked through mine though only part time.
Tamoxifen is another drug that can have very few side effects for some people. I got hot flushes for the first couple of months then didn't have any problems at all.
There are many of us here who have all sorts of issues apart from our cancer (though you certainly have a heavy load to bear) so you will usually find someone who 'gets' the problem that is top of your mind on any given day.
LMK74
Member
9 years ago
Primek, you sure have been through a lot. Sometimes I feel like the universe is punishing me for something. Firstly by taking my mum from us, she was our only family, my sperm donor father never wanted us so we never see him or speak to him. Then i have a heart attack then breast cancer. I'm not saying why me, more why now. I mostly just feel numb from the past few years. I'm not afraid to die either having watched my mum, i don't have a husband or children to worry about so if it happened so be it.
Not looking forward to surgery and tamoxifen or it's associated side effects. Glad you made it through treatment and surgery ok. It's always good to hear some positives along the way.
Thanks for listening.
primek
Member
9 years ago
Everyone is different and some people have no issues. Fingers crossed you are one of them. Six months on for me and I barely remember now what it was like...how weird is that how our minds can just close that off so we can move on? I too had grief compounding my stress at ny diagnosis, my sister in law was dying at the time of endometrial cancer when I found the lump. I attended her funeral knowing I probably had breast cancer but felt I couldn't share with family at that time due to their grief. It was a rocky start and made it even more difficult for me to see myself as a survivor. I acknowledged all those feelings though and cried a lot during treatment and eventually emerged confident with a new appreciation for tbe life I have. I hope that is for a long tine but want to embrace each day now like it won't be. No looking back. Just forward. I nursed my Dad 20 years ago with lung cancer and I still niss him. I lost my Mum suddenly 8 years ago. We never stop missing them but tbe pain is less intense.
LMK74
Member
9 years ago
Sounds like fun lol. Last chemo session I got home and put ice packs on my feet and hands they are so red and sore and burning.