Is it? Isn’t it? Anxiously waiting...

I don’t usually talk about what’s going on, but it’s gotten too much today. I’m feeling really anxious and hoping someone can give me reassurance or even just witness this period of uncertainty...

A bit of back story... I found a lump a few months ago in my left breast. It was only small and I thought it was just a minor injury/swelling that would go down (I get them from time to time). It didn’t. It started getting bigger so I went and got it checked out. GP was concerned and sent me for ultrasound/mammogram. Results came back that they thought it was fibroadenoma and I had them in both breasts. The lump was an irregular shape and had some suspicious features, so they recommended fine needle biopsy of the lump, as well as one of the lumps in my right breast. Results were that I had fibroadenoma in right breast and papillary lesion in the left breast. Papillary lesion appeared to be benign, but they told me it still had suspicious features and as some benign papillary lesions turn out to be cancerous, they wanted to remove it as a precaution. The registrar assured me that the risk was small, then the specialist came in to conference and said it needed to be out in 2 weeks. Then the registrar told me that they would see me for follow up and decide whether more surgery was necessary. I was feeling a bit confused at the time, because he seemed at once to be telling me not to worry because it was nothing and also that it could end up being worse than suspected and require further treatment because it still might be cancer.

They did a surgical excision on 8/11 and I was told that I would get a call or a letter to schedule an appointment and that I’d be seen for the follow up in 2 weeks where they would discuss results of the pathology, regardless of the results, but not to worry if it was a bit later than that because it might even be a half week longer depending on their availability.

Fast forward to now, I haven’t heard anything from the hospital except for a text message this morning reminding me that I have an appointment tomorrow morning. This is a lot earlier than I was expecting to be seen (not yet 2 weeks even) and they didn’t actually give me any warning that the appointment was happening. I don’t know whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing that they are seeing me early, but I’ve had this dreadful feeling of foreboding all day. Do they call you in earlier if they find cancer or later? Does it make a difference at all?

To make matters worse, it was my first day back at work today and the text came about 5 minutes before I started. 

I haven’t told many people what’s going on and I don’t want to worry people, so it feels like I have this huge secret weighing me down and the anxiety is driving me crazy. Not sure what to do with myself.