"I don't have time for BC"
Let me start from the beginning... Fri 13th April 2018, a day after I turned 35 years old. As I was getting ready for work, I felt a strange lump on my right breast and it was painful to touch. Initi...
Forum Discussion
Hi Flips, I'm sorry that you find yourself here, but now that you are, I hope you find it as supportive, warm and helpful as I have. There are even some laughs to be had along the way!
None of us want to be here (der!), breast cancer is a massive interruption to our lives. I think pretty much all of us have the feeling of being too busy for it. I was diagnosed in early December and I think I actually said "I don't have time for this". Between my wide local excision and re-excision (for margins, I was in the unlucky 12% that have to go back) I was throwing my eldest's 18th birthday party! The following weekend I had a wedding in Sydney. With four kids I had a gajillion end of year school functions to attend. And Christmas Day is always hosted by me at my house. That's dinner for 13 thanks!
Unfortunately as you now know, there's no way round this. You just have to stop fighting and submit to the treatment, which of course takes time. It's the only way through to better health. I'm 'woman interrupted' for six months now. My oncologist told me that it takes 12 months to get back to 100% after chemo. I had a double mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction on the same day as your surgery. The rest of this year is being dedicated to getting strong and healthy again. This is not what I had planned for 2018 at all! My year has been wiped out. It is a brutal reality that I chafe against daily.
What kind of reconstruction did you have?
At my very first meeting with my breast surgeon he and the Breastcare nurse advised me, strongly, to accept help. If it was offered, take it. They (correctly) assessed that this would be difficult for me. I am usually described as strong and highly independent. I am the one that everyone else leans on for help. To have the tables turned so suddenly is shocking, and I found it very challenging to my sense of self indeed.
However I accepted the wisdom. I knew I would need help, there was no way of avoiding it, so I opened myself up to it. Accepting offers of help is advice that is often given here, and for good reason. The best way to think of it I found was to reverse the dynamic. If it was my friend in this position would I be desperate to help her? Of course I would! Helping others makes people feel good. And one of the silver linings of this wretched disease is I have never felt so loved.
I lurked on this forum for a couple of months before I joined. I was punching questions into Google and BCNA results kept coming up. I wish I'd joined sooner because this has become an integral part of my breast cancer experience, a place of new friendships (converted into real life friendships), the most astounding hive mind resource and incredible support. Best of all it is a place of true understanding from people who have done it before you or are doing it at the same time as you. And then when the time comes, which is remarkably quickly, you are helping those who come behind you. Which is a beautiful feeling.
Just a couple of days ago some of us were saying how much this place has helped to take the burden off our partners, close friends, families, whatever our real life support group is. They'll probably never know how much it's spared them!
So maybe hanging out here could be your missing piece. Whinge, complain, moan, rage, vent, and ask every question under the sun, no matter how silly it may seem. We've got you.
You are almost certainly still in shock. The beginning of this rollercoaster is a dreadful time and yours has been very fast moving. Breathe. Literally! Slow it down. Have you tried meditation? I never did it until BC but I have found it very useful. My first emotion was unspeakable white hot rage (read my bio), followed by floods and floods of tears. I cried for Australia... Meditation (I use the Headspace app) somehow creates a breathing space in my mind.
I also have been seeing a specialist breast cancer counsellor. I've never done talking therapy before, and again, have found it very helpful. At the very least it reassures me that what I'm feeling is totally normal! I asked my Breastcare nurse to recommend someone and it's worked out well. Is this something you'd consider? As a starting point you could ring the BCNA helpline and see how having a chat with one of those lovely women works for you. 1800 500 258.
There is a private group here specifically for young women which you may like to join. Scroll down to the bottom of the home page and follow the prompts to join.
I'm sorry for the length of my response here! Something about your post struck a chord. Be kind to yourself Flips, and hang in there. Sending you a big hug. Kate xox
None of us want to be here (der!), breast cancer is a massive interruption to our lives. I think pretty much all of us have the feeling of being too busy for it. I was diagnosed in early December and I think I actually said "I don't have time for this". Between my wide local excision and re-excision (for margins, I was in the unlucky 12% that have to go back) I was throwing my eldest's 18th birthday party! The following weekend I had a wedding in Sydney. With four kids I had a gajillion end of year school functions to attend. And Christmas Day is always hosted by me at my house. That's dinner for 13 thanks!
Unfortunately as you now know, there's no way round this. You just have to stop fighting and submit to the treatment, which of course takes time. It's the only way through to better health. I'm 'woman interrupted' for six months now. My oncologist told me that it takes 12 months to get back to 100% after chemo. I had a double mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction on the same day as your surgery. The rest of this year is being dedicated to getting strong and healthy again. This is not what I had planned for 2018 at all! My year has been wiped out. It is a brutal reality that I chafe against daily.
What kind of reconstruction did you have?
At my very first meeting with my breast surgeon he and the Breastcare nurse advised me, strongly, to accept help. If it was offered, take it. They (correctly) assessed that this would be difficult for me. I am usually described as strong and highly independent. I am the one that everyone else leans on for help. To have the tables turned so suddenly is shocking, and I found it very challenging to my sense of self indeed.
However I accepted the wisdom. I knew I would need help, there was no way of avoiding it, so I opened myself up to it. Accepting offers of help is advice that is often given here, and for good reason. The best way to think of it I found was to reverse the dynamic. If it was my friend in this position would I be desperate to help her? Of course I would! Helping others makes people feel good. And one of the silver linings of this wretched disease is I have never felt so loved.
I lurked on this forum for a couple of months before I joined. I was punching questions into Google and BCNA results kept coming up. I wish I'd joined sooner because this has become an integral part of my breast cancer experience, a place of new friendships (converted into real life friendships), the most astounding hive mind resource and incredible support. Best of all it is a place of true understanding from people who have done it before you or are doing it at the same time as you. And then when the time comes, which is remarkably quickly, you are helping those who come behind you. Which is a beautiful feeling.
Just a couple of days ago some of us were saying how much this place has helped to take the burden off our partners, close friends, families, whatever our real life support group is. They'll probably never know how much it's spared them!
So maybe hanging out here could be your missing piece. Whinge, complain, moan, rage, vent, and ask every question under the sun, no matter how silly it may seem. We've got you.
You are almost certainly still in shock. The beginning of this rollercoaster is a dreadful time and yours has been very fast moving. Breathe. Literally! Slow it down. Have you tried meditation? I never did it until BC but I have found it very useful. My first emotion was unspeakable white hot rage (read my bio), followed by floods and floods of tears. I cried for Australia... Meditation (I use the Headspace app) somehow creates a breathing space in my mind.
I also have been seeing a specialist breast cancer counsellor. I've never done talking therapy before, and again, have found it very helpful. At the very least it reassures me that what I'm feeling is totally normal! I asked my Breastcare nurse to recommend someone and it's worked out well. Is this something you'd consider? As a starting point you could ring the BCNA helpline and see how having a chat with one of those lovely women works for you. 1800 500 258.
There is a private group here specifically for young women which you may like to join. Scroll down to the bottom of the home page and follow the prompts to join.
I'm sorry for the length of my response here! Something about your post struck a chord. Be kind to yourself Flips, and hang in there. Sending you a big hug. Kate xox