My name is Sara and I have been newly diagnosed early stage breast cancer. Yes I know i'm super lucky! Ive just turned 40 and a single mother of 2 teen boys.I've had partial mastectomy and now waiting to see oncologist on the 21st August to work out my chemo & radiation plan. They said I need it due to pathologies from surgery.I'm in between being strong and knowing i'm going to be ok.....to i'm losing my mind. I assume the up and downs are normal??Any guidance and tips will be much appreciated! Questions I should ask doctors? I don't know where to even start...so much on line and just feeling overwhelmed.much love in advanceXXSara

Hi Sara. Sorry you've found yourself here but having said that, I hope you find it as helpful and supportive as I have.A word you often see used here is rollercoaster. Having a BC diagnosis is full of ups and downs. You don't get used to it as such, but you do learn that you will pull up out of the downs at some point so you just have to keep hanging in.I have four kids, two teens, an almost teen and one younger. Just as you get used to your treatment plan, they will too. Be open, give them the info they ask for and bear in mind that you might need to reiterate. I've found that I've assumed they've heard and understood something I've said only to discover later that it's gone in one ear and out the other!I hope my experience will make them more empathetic and caring individuals as they move through their young lives.I describe the learning curve as vertical. There is such a lot to absorb. Don't stress, you'll get there. Take notes, take a friend or family member with you to appointments, or record them on your phone. The doctors are used to patients not getting it all clear the first time and are usually very happy to repeat themselves. Do you have a breastcare nurse? If you get a good one they can be an amazing resource for all those questions that occur to you 'later'. Try not to Dr Google! But if you do, stay away from the US websites. Their healthcare environment is so vastly different to ours it can be quite distressing. The BCNA and Macmillan (the UK equivalent) are always a safe bet.Have you got your My Journey kit? That has excellent suggestions of questions to ask your doctors. And you can always call the BCNA helpline on 1800 500 258. The people on the other end of that line are terrific.And of course, you can always jump on here for a question (this is an awesome hive mind!), a vent, a fret, a rant and even a laugh! If you're comfortable you could tell us whereabouts in Australia you are and a little about your diagnosis.Hang in there Sara! Take it one day at a time if it threatens to overwhelm. Big hug, Kate xox

@iSara - welcome to the forum - such a great resource and support when you are first diagnosed - don't know what I would of done without the women on here. xox

A few of us went to the Plan B conference this weekend @iSara One of the presenters talked about the importance of talking to our kids about what is happening. When I was first diagnosed I told my son, then aged 13, but pretty much dropped the communication ball after that. Hind sight is 20/20 however some things she said struck a real chord with me. We are wired to protect out children (well, most of us) but they are not stupid (well, most of them) and they have ways of finding things out or making things up if they don't get the information they need. By trying to protect them we can do more harm than presenting unpalatable truths. It goes counter to many of our instincts but uncertainty is very destabilizing for children. I'm sure someone with a functioning brain will remember her name....Sorry you have found yourself here.

@isara We told the kids from the first - they sense something's wrong and it's definitely helped both them and me to keep it open. I have told them that I will keep them informed of anything I know (just not the whatifs). They have actually been a great support and they understand if I'm not feeling great.

Just as an aside, I know some women dread telling parents, sometimes because they may try to take over and 'manage' but sometimes because they are elderly. My mother was 89 when I was diagnosed and in care - physically frail but mentally very alert. I talked it through with nursing home staff first, who strongly advised that I tell her and 'let her be part of your experience'. And so it was. I think I extended her life as she wanted to make sure I was OK. It's horses for courses of course, but telling it as it is may be a good option for both young and old.

Hello to all the strong women out there!

45 Replies

iSara
Member
8 years ago
@arpie I hear you! lol Good luck to you too xxx
arpie
Member
8 years ago
OMG! What is it with these dropkick Ex's?? That is just plain unbelievable!! :( I just had some 'ordinary' ex family members that I couldn't be bothered telling .... they'll find out in the Xmas letter at the end of the year! ;)

All the best for everyone's ongoing treatment xx
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
@j9k OMFG
iSara
Member
8 years ago
@j9k What The F* - are these men for real?!?! It doesn't cease to amaze me. They just want their cake and eat it to. I hope you told him to go BEEP himself.

@Zoffiel I hear you :p I was young...that was my excuse. Now i'm just fussy lol
Gonna be single forever! lol
Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
Gargh! @j9k What were we thinking when we got involved with these people. OK, I sort of know what I was thinking with, but that doesn't last!
j9k
Member
8 years ago
@Zoffiel that is incredible! Must be a thing with exs. My ex asked for some of my Insurance payout - I had taken out a life insurance policy years before with a trauma component, never imagining I'd need it. Christmas eve he called (I was in the middle of chemo) and asked for some of it as he was wanting to get into the property market! He was feeling ripped off. I had paid him out when we divorced so I could stay in our house for my son who had autism. He had money, I had cancer and a big loan. Like you @Zoffiel it gave me somewhere to focus my anger. @iSara, I don't think he got the lesson. :) I hope you have good people around you and you are getting practice at accepting help. It's hard to do but I think that aspect of BC is our lesson. <3
AllyJay
Member
8 years ago
I'm surprised he's not your "late" as opposed to your ex...
Sister
Member
8 years ago
I'm guessing this sort of attitude is what made him your ex.
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
Righteous rage
Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
Yeah, he was a bit of a tool. Still is, to the best of my knowledge. The question about travel was probably quite valid if it had been asked out of concern for my son's welfare--"I was going to go overseas, do you think I should cancel in case I have to look after J?" Not "I don't know if my travel insurance will cover me for that. You aren't going to die before December, are you?"
Pah, it was good to be able to get really angry with someone, anyone. Particularly someone who has justly deserved it on so many occasions. Quite therapeutic really.

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Hello to all the strong women out there!

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