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Vallerina's avatar
Vallerina
Member
9 years ago

Freaking out about Mastectomy

Hi Everyone, 

So, My surgery is booked for 27th March, which is next Monday. I had no choice, Right mastectomy. The surgeon suggested   immediate recon with air inflatable tissue expander to be replaced by a silicon implant later on would be best recon option for me at present. They will test sentinel node while I’m under and may take out the lot if sentinel  is positive, I won’t know till I wake up.

 I’m scared of lymphodema as I’m really active and do heaps of gardening, sport  and laboring work. Well not as much lately actually, since I was diagnosed in  January I’ve been a bit emotional and unmotivated.

I was worried everything was taking too long,  but now Im terrified because its happening too fast.

 Has anyone had this surgery in Royal Brisbane & Women and how did it go. Im very scared.

Has anyone had an MRI that gave a false positive? I keep fantasising that they are going to realize its all a mistake, the bright area on my MRI isn’t  DCIS after all, just some harmless change. Even though I’ve had mammogram, ultrasound, and MRI. plus 2 biopsies in the area on 2 different days, by 2 different pathologists  that both came back as high grade DCIS, +  I keep hoping.

What if my breast is gone and then they realize it was a mistake and the area was only small and I could’ve got away with lumpectomy.  It will be too late.

And then I think, what if they find invasive cancer and this surgery that seems to be unnecessary overkill actually saves my life. Because as it stands I have DCIS which isn’t actually an invasive cancer, yet a mastectomy is the only treatment. There’s no answer, it just goes round and round in my brain. They won’t know till the surgery is done.

I have to keep telling myself they don’t have 2 surgeons working on you for 4 hours then keep you in hospital all week for something that isn’t real. If they had any doubts they would do another biopsy. But I still cant quite accept it. Actually Im going quite mad, 

I’m scared of everything. I’m normally so healthy, fit and independent, it’s going to be awful to be so vulnerable both during the surgery and while recovering after. But I'm inspired and encouraged by all you brave ladies that have got through this and still find the strength to support and encourage others. 

I am supposed to be camping over Easter and going to the Byron Bay Blues Festival.  We booked it a year ago and I’m in too much denial to sell the tickets and cancel. Ive read all the books they give you, but I still can’t imagine how I’m going to feel. Pretty sure the festival is a no go though.

I’m not oblivious to the silver linings in my story and I am sorry to rant about trivial concerns, but I haven’t told any of my friends about this, so there’s no one else to rant to.My gorgeous fiancée has been wonderful, taking time out from his work to come to appointments and support me, but he needs a break from it. My sister in Sydney is helpful and good to talk to, but I just don’t feel like talking to her today. I have been to 19 appointments so far repeating things over and over plus running it round and round in my head for the last 2 & ½ months and my treatment hasn’t even started, so I don’t really feel like talking. So glad this forum is here to  get some of this stuff off my……….mind. xx Vicki

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  • SoldierCrab's avatar
    SoldierCrab
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi @Vallerina, What a rough time you have had and the worse bit is the stuff in your head. 

    It is ok to be in shock to be in denial that is part of our coping mechanisms. 
    1. what style of camping are you going on ? in a tent? in a caravan? in  a cabin ? those will all impact on how you feel about going away.... I had a double(bilateral) mastectomy back in October 2012 and I can say I didn't feel sick at all after surgery. I did have to take things easy.... NO driving etc for a few weeks. 
    2. We all come out of surgery different to each other but with common symptoms .... I couldnt sleep on my side so I got a seating up pillow this style...https://www.shopstyle.com.au/browse?fts=bed+reading+pillow it helped mind you if you have only single mastectomy you might be able to sleep on the side you dont have surgery on... 
    3. Be sensible and like Brenda5 said make sure you drink plenty of water to flush out the anesthetic out of your system. 
    4. I know it is very hard to relax but try.... have you ever done mediation ? I have a lovely CD by Petrea King called relaxation that really helped me to let go and relax. 
    5. Coming to terms with a diagnosis is hard be gentle on yourself. 
    6. Do you have a breast care nurse
    7. have you been given a My journey kit? 
    Venting is totally acceptable here.... once you have vented you often can see the way through this maze .... We also get you we understand the frustrations and fears as we have been there. 

    If you want any information or need to know where to get some support we can  help link you in to a support group etc. 

    Hugs and energy to relax and let it happen as it needs to. 
    Soldier Crab 


  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Vicki, hell no, I wouldn't cancel the festival but make sure you have some really good pain killers to take home with you. If you don't ask you don't get in the hospital system so make sure you ask. Make sure you drink plenty of water to flush the anaesthetic out of your system. You will probably have a drain in place for a while to measure output. I had like a shoulder bag thing I would hide mine in and a loose shirt and no one could really tell at all when I was out. Oh ask your breast nurse for a pillow to support your arm and protect your chest with the seat belt when travelling too. 
    I know I was the same as you. Did they make a mistake or something but I actually opened my ct scan results and slipped the cd into my laptop and sure enough I could tell it was a cancer. Mine was shaped like a goldfish would you believe? I could have probably gone with just a lumpectomy but the other side of the same breast was starting to look a bit dodgy on scans so I opted for the mastectomy and be done with it.
    Lymphedema isn't always a given and even those of us, as long as we keep an eye on things and be careful we do ok with it.
    Come on here and rant and ask questions as much as you want. We're all here for you. <3