First chemo

@Spillsy, it is so horribly true, you will never be the same, or that's how it seems to me. I was diagnosed in mid November, single mastectomy, after a lot of frustrating, confusing, infuriating messing around between hospitals and consultants I said no to chemo and am about to start radio soon. This thing takes over your life your feelings your emotions and put you in a different world, like you got in a lift thinking you were going to the first floor but when the door opens you find yourself off-planet. There is no way to plan, to know what the next day or month or year will bring.  I didn't want to tell anybody other than close family about my condition for quite a while but now I don't care ... they used to know that former person, now they can get to know this new person and if she doesn't appeal to them, too bad. Some women seem so calm and accepting and appreciate whatever good things they can find in their situation, and good on them. Hopefully this will come in time for me (and you). But this early in the process it is like a complete loss of focus, and never knowing how you are going to feel makes it worse. I had the stuff injected for the radio CT scan yesterday and spent four hours sitting on the throne with unrelenting diarrhea from 2.00 am. As for trying to go back to work ... could you get some more time off? I think that is a truly big ask, to manage all this and two young boys as well. You are going to have to treat yourself very kindly and insist on your right to your own time and feelings. You aren't the same now, and you need to find ways to fend off the expectation that you can just soldier on and manage everything as you did before. All we can do is send you our best thoughts and give you a place to vent your feelings, which is what this site is so great for (apart from the information and great practical advice).