Forum Discussion
Do I Need Time? First surgeon appoint today, surgery in 2 weeks!
Hi, I got my test results back from 5 core samples last Thursday. Malignant. Infiltrating ductal carcinoma, 12mmx9mmx8mm. Grade 3 (T3, P3, M2). Positive ER (80%, 1-2). Negative PR and strong positive HER2 (3+).
Today, Friday, a week later I saw the surgeon and he wants to do a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. He says I will lose the size of a golf ball in my right breast, no reconstruction but it will be apparent. He's scheduled the surgery for two weeks from today! I only told my dad last night. I'm 52, single, no children. Haven't told friends yet as still processing.
This seems rather quick to me! Before I commit to a year of chemo (he said) and radiation I'd like to lie in the sun somewhere warm in my bathers and say goodbye to my breast as I know it! I'm not ready to be "sick". I'd like to take a trail ride. My breasts aren't large and I always wished they were bigger growing up. But I am happy with them now. It seems so silly and vain. If I had cancer in my leg I think I wouldn't be as confused. I don't have a significant other. I know I'm not my breast but they are probably the only thing I am happy with about my body at this age. I know a lot of women go through a lot more and apologise for what must sound trivial by comparison.
Should I take a couple more weeks to 'do' something - even tidy my flat above the main house or even change my sheets? I'd like to drive north ... fight or flight. But does this seem too quick to people?
Thank you
Today, Friday, a week later I saw the surgeon and he wants to do a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. He says I will lose the size of a golf ball in my right breast, no reconstruction but it will be apparent. He's scheduled the surgery for two weeks from today! I only told my dad last night. I'm 52, single, no children. Haven't told friends yet as still processing.
This seems rather quick to me! Before I commit to a year of chemo (he said) and radiation I'd like to lie in the sun somewhere warm in my bathers and say goodbye to my breast as I know it! I'm not ready to be "sick". I'd like to take a trail ride. My breasts aren't large and I always wished they were bigger growing up. But I am happy with them now. It seems so silly and vain. If I had cancer in my leg I think I wouldn't be as confused. I don't have a significant other. I know I'm not my breast but they are probably the only thing I am happy with about my body at this age. I know a lot of women go through a lot more and apologise for what must sound trivial by comparison.
Should I take a couple more weeks to 'do' something - even tidy my flat above the main house or even change my sheets? I'd like to drive north ... fight or flight. But does this seem too quick to people?
Thank you
53 Replies
- And that's totally understandable to be a bit short tempered. That part of it does get better. I can totally relate to wanting to take your dad somewhere and him being reluctant. I have the same thing with my mum, once she's in the car and we're off she has the best time but it's getting her to that point, so I reckon that could be an age thing - nice, safe and cosy at home! As for your time away check out the Otis Foundation who are a beautiful organisation who have holiday homes that they let BC patients use free of charge, for periods of time, in different states. They are excellent. Xx Cath
- I love relaxing in the bath too! I wonder how long after the lumpectomy I will be able to bath and not have to cover the wound? I rang the breast nurse today with questions and she said I'd been doing my homework! I said no, it's all the women on BCNA who are educating me - and supporting me! She was thrilled. I told her about bras and went to the the chemist to get the anaesthetic throat lozenges. I also asked if I could have a couple of weeks to get ready mentally and around the flat and she will ask the surgeon tomorrow. I still see the anaesthetist, nurse and physio tomorrow anyway. I did book a 5 night cabin on the beach up the coast in the wee hours of the morning. Hoped my dad could come too but okay to veg out on my own. I just cancelled it as really don't have the energy for the drive - 3.5hrs. Not a long one but suddenly it felt too much. Dad also couldn't go as he has a glaucoma appointment next week, which I want to take him to. He didn't seem too keen too start with so maybe tired. He's of the mind that you shouldn't drive on long weekends due to the carnage on the roads ... sigh! Seems to have forgotten we always went caravanning on long weekends as kids. I think I might be a bit short tempered with these things at the moment.
- OMG!!!! @viking1, thankfully I convinced him I didn't need my bathroom painted so he left it the beautiful white that it is - phew!!!! Having said that I realise that he knows that a beautiful, hot, soaky bubble bath is my choice of relaxation but the last thing I felt like doing was arguing over it :D xx
- Thank you! I am so glad to be here with you! I had to laugh at your story socoda! I'm glad it turned out well. Is your bathroom bright pink?
- Aww, viking1, we are all here for you. Sorry your sister isn't being supportive. Maybe she will come good, once all has sunk in.
- Of course it matters. As you say she may just be scared stupid which doesn't help you. My brother went very quiet, but kept hassling me about what colour I wanted my bathroom painted - aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh. But that was how he was coping. When I was told clear margins after surgery he burst out sobbing and then I realised how stressed he was and was keeping it all inside. I'm crossing fingers for you that your sister is in the same category and that she snaps out if it very very soon. Xx
- Lol no ... she's in Africa. I think I will spend less time investing in listening to her dramatic dating life! It was a bit of a shock but then some people said that this is when you find out who is there for you. I'm also blown away by other's people's kindness. I have a penfriend in her 70s in America who is battling a lung disease and breathes through a tube. She also rescues animals and is a very straightforward, hardy woman. She said if she was here she would look after me! I was so touched by the gesture...I would be better equipt to look after her! We have been corresponding only 6 months and her life is hard. How wonderful people are. Really touched me. Meanwhile my sis is avoiding me (like I have cancer lol!) even though we are in the same house, her final words being "if you have the chemo and radiation you will die". Harder hearing from your sister than a nitwit, but you never know ... she may just be scared. I hope other women have good family support. Even though I thought it wouldn't matter to me, it does.
- Omg...guess you won't be inviting that sister to a dinner party.
- Oh dear. I wasn't planning on them in my ideal scenario! Lol. Good to find out now tho! Thank you. Told a friend who I'd had a few dates with but we ended up as friends. He was supportive. When I told his sister via Facebook PM (we went to Primary School together) she said best not get involved with her brother as his first wife died in a car accident and he doesn't need another wife dying on him! I was gobsmacked! I said were were going to have dinner, and that I wasn't planning on dying! (I also wasn't planning on getting married.) I am aware of all his past and this was in the 80s, and he has since married a second time and divorced. I have full empathy towards his situation and grown up kids, and am sure his first wife will be loved forever. But geez ... !!!
- Yes, the breathing tube, leaves you sore and raspy for the first day or so after surgery.
Drinking lots of water helps.
