Forum Discussion
Dark days
Just diagnosed this month, 1.5.cm invasive tumour, plus 3mm by 3mm tumour I couldn't feel. I am 46, have had regular mammograms and ultrasounds for years due to lumpy, dense breasts. I self checked religiously and I still didn't feel this lump until it got to 1.5cm. I had lumpectomy and sentinel nodes out one week ago, and now find 5 out of 6 nodes have malignant cells, and the margin around the larger tumour shows carcinoma insitu that needs to be removed, so I am having a full mastectomy Monday plus full axilla node removal, portacath inserted and I will start chemo before Christmas. I have 4 children, youngest 7, oldest 16 and telling them was horrendous and watching their fears and answering their questions. Trying hard to keep going as normal and reassure them I will do all I can to be here for them. I have a CT of chest and abdomen today that surgeon tells me is just a baseline for the oncologist for chemo but I am terrified it will show metastisis somewhere in there and it will be too late. Its been one month since I found this lump and made an appointment that day with my GP and I feel like this diagnosis/surgery/treatment thing is taking forever. I just wanted it out the day I found it.
My husband is amazing and this is bringing us very close as we realise we can't take each other for granted any more. I have a very supportive family and have so much to be thankful for when others struggle through alone. But, feeling very alone and scared right now. Thanks for reading.
My husband is amazing and this is bringing us very close as we realise we can't take each other for granted any more. I have a very supportive family and have so much to be thankful for when others struggle through alone. But, feeling very alone and scared right now. Thanks for reading.
62 Replies
- Thank you ladies. I think I have achieved some calm this morning. I had my last big run, watered all my plants, mopped the floor and cleaned toilets. From now on I will hand some things over to my capable daughters.I figure that babies, toddlers, children, teenagers and the elderly all go through this chemo journey. I can get through it too.For everyone’s encouragement and best wishes - thank you so much.
- @ddon Thinking of you as you begin your chemo stage. i was lucky enough not to have gone through this so I cant give you any advice on the treatment. i can however, wish you comfort & strength. I think anyone who has gone through this or doing it now are amazingly strong individuals. i cant imagine what it is like but the advice of others will certainly help get you through. One day at a time & keep ticking them off. love & hugs xx
- Hi @ddon I've just got back online and saw your post and everyone has said the important stuff. I had massive panic attacks before chemo so you're not unusual. I have to say that I never really became relaxed about it but I learned to recognise that was just me. I used to take plenty of stuff to keep me occupied then would spend most of the time dozing or chatting to people! You will be surprised how sociable the chemo room is.
My best advice - be prepared for all eventualities - nausea, reflux, constipation or the opposite, etc. but don't expect it. You may have no side effects or you may have some. I kept a sheet of paper next to the thermometer on the bench to record how I was feeling, meds taken, temps. It gave me something I could transfer to a diary for the onc, a record of when I'd taken meds, and it provided a useful guide of my reactions for the next time. The other thing I would say to anyone is, don't suffer in silence. If the meds you're sent home with aren't good enough, ring the clinic (find out what number to ring after hours) and get a script for something stronger. They tend to send you home with the minimal stuff but sometimes you just need something stronger. I went through a miserable first weekend because I didn't know any better. The right drugs, when I got them, fixed me up fine.
And don't worry, there's a great discussion on here somewhere of the things people have said to members that are just, "really????"
Found it: https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/17916/is-that-right-did-you-really-say-that#latest - It’s possible not to have any side effects - you may not experience some at all, others may take much longer to become evident. This is where the ‘day by day’ practice can really kick in - planning can be helpful but anticipation of something that either doesn’t happen or unknown isn’t helpful or practical. It’s an exercise in going with the flow, hard as that is. Best wishes.
- Thanks Brenda. How long afterwards till you feel the effects? Before it ends? The next day?
- I have to take hormone suppressors afterwards / tamoxifen - because my tumours were positive for both oestrogen and progesterone.
- Chemo sucks, but it will end. You will get through it. I only have admiration and respect for you women who go through this.
Is there further treatment planned after chemotherapy and radiation treatment? - I took my laptop and my fave dvd movie twister to my first chemo. After they had set me all up I put on a headset, got hubby to plug my lappy in to a point behind the chair and listened to the blissful music on the dvd. It took my mind away from chemo and made me feel much better. All the best. <3
- Thank you kmakm. You’re right about the age thing. I am grateful I am not in my 20’s and 30’s - feel so sorry for those so young going thru this - but still I am 25 in my head and don’t feel in any way ready for this.
- I was exactly the same @ddon. Chemo has a legacy pr problem due to how it used to be. It's not the horror it was. I hope today goes smoothly for you. Big hug, K
PS I was 51 when I had chemo. Age has nothing to do with our reaction to cancer and its treatment! Get into your big girl undies and give 'em a good hoick. :*
