Just diagnosed this month, 1.5.cm invasive tumour, plus 3mm by 3mm tumour I couldn't feel. I am 46, have had regular mammograms and ultrasounds for years due to lumpy, dense breasts. I self checked religiously and I still didn't feel this lump until it got to 1.5cm. I had lumpectomy and sentinel nodes out one week ago, and now find 5 out of 6 nodes have malignant cells, and the margin around the larger tumour shows carcinoma insitu that needs to be removed, so I am having a full mastectomy Monday plus full axilla node removal, portacath inserted and I will start chemo before Christmas. I have 4 children, youngest 7, oldest 16 and telling them was horrendous and watching their fears and answering their questions. Trying hard to keep going as normal and reassure them I will do all I can to be here for them. I have a CT of chest and abdomen today that surgeon tells me is just a baseline for the oncologist for chemo but I am terrified it will show metastisis somewhere in there and it will be too late. Its been one month since I found this lump and made an appointment that day with my GP and I feel like this diagnosis/surgery/treatment thing is taking forever. I just wanted it out the day I found it. My husband is amazing and this is bringing us very close as we realise we can't take each other for granted any more. I have a very supportive family and have so much to be thankful for when others struggle through alone. But, feeling very alone and scared right now. Thanks for reading.

Thank you again for all the kind thoughts sent. So today the surgeon told me the margins are clear from my surgery. Yah. I had a total of 8 nodes with cancer cells. One with a small 3mm growth, the others just cells. It seems CT scans clear but he isn’t sure if the oncologist - who I haven’t seen yet - might want a PET scan done. Hoping not. My heart can’t take anymore right now. So glad to have the breast gone / awful as my bare chest looks - and just trying not to look into the future. My dad just called and the fear in his voice was almost more then I could handle. I hate the worry I am causing to my family. I am so grateful to live in this country with the health care we have available.

You poor thing, so much to deal with! I feel like it’s taking forever as well, diagnosed a month ago and starting treatment in a week’s time. All happening in the middle of my 17 year old graduating year 12. Like you I have dense lumpy breasts which is how mine went undetected as well- and it seems to get bigger every day! So scary. Don’t worry about being SO strong for your family, let them be strong for you a bit. I’m getting my son to help me more and my sisters are coming over offering help too, my girlfriends are bringing soup portions for my freezer, it’s ok to let them rally round and support you. Lots of love.

@ddon This bit is the very scary time, hang on there and once you get a bit further, know your full pathology and have started treatment it does get easier, you will feel normal again, even during chemo. I am nearly out the other side but I remember the terrible fear at the start. That's great your husband is such a great strength, I am lucky that mine was too. We walked every day after diagnosis and it helped us talk our way through it and the exercise was great to keep my body strong for surgery, chemo and now radiation. The port is a great thing to have, I just had mine out but was grateful I did it. I had twin sons going through HSC this year too and a daughter finishing Uni. And we survived it! Made us closer if anything and it was good for me to have someone else to focus on. There is lots of advice here for the practical stuff once you are on the road but I am sending you my thoughts and wishing you the smoothest path through. Good luck with it.

Thank you thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I had a CT of head, pelvis and abdomen this afternoon. Then appointment with my surgeon. No report came through for results; he could just see the pictures but could only tell me he couldn’t see anything but he’s not the trained radiologist. So scary - I have a mix of both ductal and lobular carcinoma. And the insitu cancer that’s left is extensive. I have very small breasts - must be nothing left but ribs and cancer it feels like. Anyway, one day at a time as arpie said. It’s all I can do right now. Will be so relieved if the CT is clear. I feel like I can face the rest if I just have some hope. I am near Toowoomba, Qld to the lady who asked.

SO sorry to see you here @ddon - all the best for your CT today & upcoming surgery & results xx Try not to pre-guess them. Mine was lumpy/dense & not found by mammogram too - so a double shock when found, as I'd just had an 'all clear' mammogram just 4 months earlier!Terrific that your hubby is so supportive. Do you have a Breast Care nurse to help you with your appointments etc?What general area do you live in (City or town name) as our members may be able to point you towards specific services available to you and the family.The kids may gain a benefit from joining a group like - get to chat with other kids with similar stories .... https://www.canteen.org.auJust take one day at a time, one hour at a time if need be. Don't hide it if you are not feeling well - it just puts more stress on you. If you find yourself not always coping, ask to see a counsellor or psychologist - before it becomes a major problem. Everything becomes so hectic now, towards the end of the year, too ... It is an amazing rollercoaster ride - even more so emotionally than physically, I found. It really mucks with your brain. Feel free to rant & rave, get angry, have a cry - it is all a part of the grieving process as it all sinks in. Big hugs coming your way, all the best xx

Dark days | BCNA Online Network

62 Replies

ddon
Member
6 years ago
thank you for your encouragement xx
Anne65
Member
6 years ago
@ddon What a great spirit & attitude. That will help you so much in getting through this treatment. You have to try to stay positive even though it is really hard some days...and that is OK. Keep up the good fight & you will conquer this!!!! love & hugs xx
ddon
Member
6 years ago
I am expecting to feel much worse physically but mentally I feel much happier
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
That's the way @ddon, you've got this!
Brenda5
Member
6 years ago
First dose I didn't feel any symptoms for days but then it was like I had the flu.
ddon
Member
6 years ago
Thank you. I know I am still propped up on steroids right now and after only 2 days from 1st treatment I know I don’t have the cumulative effects of many treatments in my body, but so far pleasantly surprised. Nausea has been pretty mild, taken maxalon just twice now and managing to get my usual jobs done with a nap in the afternoon. My oncologist said day 3 and 4 will be the worst so I will see how that goes. My husband is off now for the Christmas break so I am happy about that.
I feel more relaxed in general. I just needed to get started and I feel like I can handle whatever comes now. I know it will get much harder as the weeks go on but the first was so huge in my mind. It’s done now.
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
@ddon I think the key to chemo is to not have any expectations, good or bad, and then to just ride the waves. Try not to anticipate side effects that may never happen, and let people help. I found the latter hard to do, but I knew I had to and I've got much better at it. Big hug lovely, K xox
ddon
Member
6 years ago
A great way to spend your 25th. France is on my bucket list. I was just home from my first trip to Canada when I was 25 and I loved it so much I have returned 6 times. Haven’t fit France in 😊
not feeling too bad after 1st treatment. Propped up on steroids for now so I know it will get worse. But for today I am doing ok.
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
@ddon 25 eh?! Gosh, can you imagine? The things we worried about then! I had my 25th birthday in France. Wouldn't that be nice to do again?! K xox
Nefertari
Member
6 years ago
@ddon, I'm happy that you are feeling some calm and good luck for your treatment.
The first one is the hardest in my opinion, probably all the unknowns I guess. I found chemo to be not as bad as I imagined, I had lovely staff / patients who were a wealth of information and very supportive, I relied on them for advice which was strangely comforting.
The side effects for me were many but I managed and in the end I got the best possible result, a complete pathological response. Chemo worked! I pray that you have the same outcome :)

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Dark days

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