Tomorrow (Wednesday) off to get Whole Body Bone Scan, DEXA and CT Chest abdo and pelvis. So over invasive tests. I'm not brave at all and am beside myself. I wish I could pull my big girl pants on and just get over it, but I feel sick with worry. Its not just the thought of the injections, its also the fact that the tests are looking for possible spread. Any tests these days sends me into deep anxiety which I suppose is part and parcel of the new "normal".Then on Thursday time to pop my first Tamoxifen and sit back and hope side effects will be kind. 2 months of Tamoxifen on its own then Zoladex injections added for a further 2 months then on Zoladex and Aromasin for the long haul. The fear of the unknown.The mind is so powerful and has stopped me in my tracks. I'm hoping that time will help to push the fear of the unknown aside....its so time consuming.I know on the scale of things, my post would seem trivial considering what others are dealing with.

Dear @LisaO, nothing is trivial about bc. I totally sympathize with you on the anxiety. I have a lifelong chronic anxiety disorder that makes life miserable at times. I am not brave either and cried through the biopsies at the start, then when they requested all different scans I was convinced it must be all through me.Six months of chemo and every infusion I sat in that chair waiting for something terrible to happen. Anxiety is exhausting and now chemo done and mastectomy in two weeks time. Anxiety has ramped up big time as I imagine all different scenarios in my head. I'm scared shitless and wish I could run away. I'm already on zoladex and feared that too,but not so bad but tamoxifen to come also after radiation therapy. Big hug Lisa xo

I'm at the stage now where I am willing to take a tranquiliser before I do that stuff. I'm not talking about turning myself into the walking dead, but a wee bit of sedation can do wonders for my ability to cope on days when I'm riddled with Scanxiety. I've still got to deal with the stress before and after the scans, but it stops me climbing the walls on the day. Yep, I'll own being a sook and I know that many people prefer to avoid extra drugs, but being sick with worry and in a head space where I'm likely to savage any poor soul who looks sideways at me doesn't help anyone. Anyway, I'll blame the unit manager at Oncology for starting me on that track--I was losing the plot on day before chemo the first time I was in treatment and she rattled around, called up a young medic and ended up handing me a pill saying 'For God's sake, swallow that before we all go mad.'Now if I know that I'm likely to be turned into a gibbering mess I'll organize a pill beforehand. I've sometimes decided not to take it, but knowing it is there if I start to unravel and can get them to leave me alone for half an hour or so is enough. Horses for courses... Marg xxx

Big huggs Lisa sending positive vibes keep busy al the best bright xo

That is so true primek.....I really try NOT to remember much about the past "journey"....its a real life horror movie starring ME !!! Im sure we all here have unfortunately starred in our own horror movies. :(

Anxiety through the roof | BCNA Online Network

27 Replies

Romla
Member
8 years ago
Hi Lisa - been there not that long ago myself - felt lost and hopeless .- as if there was no future for me .What helped me was a couple of practical friends who pointed me in the direction of looking outside myself and that's when I started to look at this site , the Cancer Council and even found a local bc group . For me the turning point was to know women were coping with the journey , women had made it thru the 5 years but most importantly they were living their lives - that life had not ended. I read women on this site supporting each other daily and sharing ideas to manage side effects.I met a local bc group on the weekend who shared stories and who I'll see moving about my community living their lives. I heard the voice of a fellow bc lady who gone thru my situation a decade ago in another state -her voice tinkled with life and energy and she shared that with me.I know it's not an easy journey and there are tough spots along the way but if we hang in there during our treatment cycle , share with others whom we feel safe to do so with we will get there. I have heard from many it does change your life but many feel they are better because of it. Find things that you enjoy that you can do during tough times - I like reading and music..You are not alone there are many of us. Look outwards - there is a lot of life to enjoy
iserbrown
Member
8 years ago
Going off your comment in the first post I thought I would put this one up! Yes we have no choice sometimes we just have to put on our best face as there is no getting out of it. Remember this is about you and your well being and the path that you are on to eventually being cancer free! Take care and best wishes
LisaO
Member
8 years ago
That is so true primek.....I really try NOT to remember much about the past "journey"....its a real life horror movie starring ME !!! Im sure we all here have unfortunately starred in our own horror movies. :(
primek
Member
8 years ago
brightspace
Member
8 years ago
Big huggs Lisa sending positive vibes keep busy al the best bright xo
Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
I'm at the stage now where I am willing to take a tranquiliser before I do that stuff. I'm not talking about turning myself into the walking dead, but a wee bit of sedation can do wonders for my ability to cope on days when I'm riddled with Scanxiety. I've still got to deal with the stress before and after the scans, but it stops me climbing the walls on the day.
Yep, I'll own being a sook and I know that many people prefer to avoid extra drugs, but being sick with worry and in a head space where I'm likely to savage any poor soul who looks sideways at me doesn't help anyone. Anyway, I'll blame the unit manager at Oncology for starting me on that track--I was losing the plot on day before chemo the first time I was in treatment and she rattled around, called up a young medic and ended up handing me a pill saying 'For God's sake, swallow that before we all go mad.'
Now if I know that I'm likely to be turned into a gibbering mess I'll organize a pill beforehand. I've sometimes decided not to take it, but knowing it is there if I start to unravel and can get them to leave me alone for half an hour or so is enough. Horses for courses... Marg xxx
LMK74
Member
8 years ago
Dear @LisaO, nothing is trivial about bc. I totally sympathize with you on the anxiety. I have a lifelong chronic anxiety disorder that makes life miserable at times. I am not brave either and cried through the biopsies at the start, then when they requested all different scans I was convinced it must be all through me.
Six months of chemo and every infusion I sat in that chair waiting for something terrible to happen. Anxiety is exhausting and now chemo done and mastectomy in two weeks time. Anxiety has ramped up big time as I imagine all different scenarios in my head. I'm scared shitless and wish I could run away. I'm already on zoladex and feared that too,but not so bad but tamoxifen to come also after radiation therapy.
Big hug
Lisa xo