Hello and welcome. I'm sorry you joined us, but I hope you find it as helpful and supportive as I have.
There is a young women's group here which you might like to check out.
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/group/10-young-womenI didn't see my oncologist until after my wide local excision and a re-excision for margins, and all the pathology was in. Treatment options can change after surgery as the mammograms and ultrasounds often don't accurately reflect the size of the tumour. So yes, it's normal as far as I'm aware, to see your oncologist at that point.
We've got quite a few medical trained patients here, I'm sure they'll be along soon to advise on how manage BC in your position.
Make sure you speak to your oncologist about fertility issues at your first appointment. I'm not sure what you mean about leaving your husband unable to have kids with someone else. Are you able to clarify?
I know it's hard, and we all do it, but try to not jump too far ahead. Don't cross any bridges until you come to them. Predictive grief is not helpful! One step at a time lovely. Big hug, K