......And, we're back
Hi friends,
I was involved in the BCNA online discussion five years ago when I was diagnosed with DCIS. It helped me immeasurably, it was also just helpful to write down my thoughts and fears and have others respond. I was 38 at the time with 2 small boys and one baby girl. A harrowing time post mastectomy and navigating reconstruction with parenthood and work as a clinical psychologist.
In October just gone, I noticed a lump under my mastectomy scar tissue. I worried for a moment and then convinced myself it was just scar tissue. Then in December I had my yearly MRI/US/Mammo and lo and behold, I have cancer again. This time it is invasive. I feel so ripped off. So, I'm back here to say hello, that although I sound a bit cross, I have been relatively calm as I go from one appointment to the next. I am probably catastrophising a lot less this time. My PET scan suggested no evidence of it anywhere else however there was some activity on my ovaries (which have been suggested to be cysts) that are being investigated next week. I have had a lumpectomy last week. My surgeon reported he achieved clear margins however he is discussing with his team today about whether the margins are clear enough to not warrant further surgery. Further surgery means complete deconstruction of that breast again and this time a reconstruction would be complex because I would have no skin left. So, looking forward I am staring into 2020 with potential further surgeries, discussion about whether to remove the other breast, possible oophorectomy, radiation and hormone treatment and whatever else I might require. Hmmm, not what we had in mind for 2020. I'm not sure what I need. Perhaps a reminder that I can do this over again. It feels hard second time around, and scary because we thought we had it sorted. I am not sure if the landscape is even darker through a cancer lens but I look at the state of the world and for the first time in my life I'm really worried for my kids' future. While I am a professional who works in the mental health field and am pretty stable most of the time, I feel low and particularly uncertain about things ahead. Its not a good feeling. If anyone is reading this and has lost a loved one in the fires, or lost their property/business/livelihoods I send love and best wishes for recovery.
Thanks for reading
xx
I was involved in the BCNA online discussion five years ago when I was diagnosed with DCIS. It helped me immeasurably, it was also just helpful to write down my thoughts and fears and have others respond. I was 38 at the time with 2 small boys and one baby girl. A harrowing time post mastectomy and navigating reconstruction with parenthood and work as a clinical psychologist.
In October just gone, I noticed a lump under my mastectomy scar tissue. I worried for a moment and then convinced myself it was just scar tissue. Then in December I had my yearly MRI/US/Mammo and lo and behold, I have cancer again. This time it is invasive. I feel so ripped off. So, I'm back here to say hello, that although I sound a bit cross, I have been relatively calm as I go from one appointment to the next. I am probably catastrophising a lot less this time. My PET scan suggested no evidence of it anywhere else however there was some activity on my ovaries (which have been suggested to be cysts) that are being investigated next week. I have had a lumpectomy last week. My surgeon reported he achieved clear margins however he is discussing with his team today about whether the margins are clear enough to not warrant further surgery. Further surgery means complete deconstruction of that breast again and this time a reconstruction would be complex because I would have no skin left. So, looking forward I am staring into 2020 with potential further surgeries, discussion about whether to remove the other breast, possible oophorectomy, radiation and hormone treatment and whatever else I might require. Hmmm, not what we had in mind for 2020. I'm not sure what I need. Perhaps a reminder that I can do this over again. It feels hard second time around, and scary because we thought we had it sorted. I am not sure if the landscape is even darker through a cancer lens but I look at the state of the world and for the first time in my life I'm really worried for my kids' future. While I am a professional who works in the mental health field and am pretty stable most of the time, I feel low and particularly uncertain about things ahead. Its not a good feeling. If anyone is reading this and has lost a loved one in the fires, or lost their property/business/livelihoods I send love and best wishes for recovery.
Thanks for reading
xx
