Why are we in hiding?
This started as a post on another discussion but I felt that it's importance to me meant it needed it's own spotlight. I started to diverge from the issue at hand with, "If anyone has an issue with m...
Forum Discussion
I'm yet to lose my hair - reckon I've got about a week or so to go but I agree wholeheartedly with @TonyaM.
I have a wig ready because that's what I want to do - not because I don't feel brave or courageous.
For me, it's not about vanity - I'm not precious about how I look, rarely wear make-up, have my hair trimmed only about twice a year to keep it tidy, don't spend a lot of money on clothes, never have facials or visits to a beauty salon and hate wasting time waiting for nail polish to dry - I'm pretty low maintenance.
Yet, I still don't like to think of myself without hair - I just don't think I will feel confident and comfortable to walk out the door and at the end of the day, it's all about feeling good about yourself.
This could totally change - I know that. And I might find that I end up being happy rocking the Sinead O'Connor look, but right now I don't think so - and that's OK.
I'm also a very private person and although I'll happily talk to anyone about what I'm going through and how I'm doing, I get a bit anxious about inviting everyone to discuss it with me whenever they choose. This is such a personal choice.
I like to think that as much as is humanly possible I can appear the same, function the same and keep life as normal as possible for my young family. This is what makes me happy. It doesn't make me feel like I'm trying to hide my cancer, nor does it make me feel I'm not taking a 'kick-ass' approach.
Same with a reconstruction, which I do want to have.
I am a vocal and passionate advocate for equality - gender and otherwise - and I agree wholeheartedly @sister that I long for the day when 'out and proud' is more socially acceptable. When we can all just walk around (as long as we don't cause damage) on the planet, being and representing who we are without having to justify it, learning from each other and embracing our differences.
My issue is that there's enormous pressure out there to be 'out and proud' as a show of strength or bravery.
We've all heard people talking about Cancer patients saying things like 'she's so brave to go out without hair' and 'wow, she's so strong'. Just recently when I told a colleague that I admired someone from work who was able to come to the office 3 days per week during chemo, she replied 'well I worked every day'. WTF? She didn't mean to be putting pressure on, but this sort of thing can be SO damaging! While it can be motivating to follow the lead of someone who is a poster girl for cancer treatment, there's enormous pressure out there to be 'brave' and 'strong' and 'stoic'.
If we want to be bald or not - cool; flat or not - cool; we ALL rock and we are ALL awesome - as long as our decisions are motivated by what makes YOU happy.
I won't be wearing a wig because I'm ashamed of losing my hair, nor would I feel like if I cover my baldness I'm not brave enough to be the public face of cancer - I'm absolutely telling cancer to get the fuck out of my life in the way that's right for me.
xxxxxxx
I have a wig ready because that's what I want to do - not because I don't feel brave or courageous.
For me, it's not about vanity - I'm not precious about how I look, rarely wear make-up, have my hair trimmed only about twice a year to keep it tidy, don't spend a lot of money on clothes, never have facials or visits to a beauty salon and hate wasting time waiting for nail polish to dry - I'm pretty low maintenance.
Yet, I still don't like to think of myself without hair - I just don't think I will feel confident and comfortable to walk out the door and at the end of the day, it's all about feeling good about yourself.
This could totally change - I know that. And I might find that I end up being happy rocking the Sinead O'Connor look, but right now I don't think so - and that's OK.
I'm also a very private person and although I'll happily talk to anyone about what I'm going through and how I'm doing, I get a bit anxious about inviting everyone to discuss it with me whenever they choose. This is such a personal choice.
I like to think that as much as is humanly possible I can appear the same, function the same and keep life as normal as possible for my young family. This is what makes me happy. It doesn't make me feel like I'm trying to hide my cancer, nor does it make me feel I'm not taking a 'kick-ass' approach.
Same with a reconstruction, which I do want to have.
I am a vocal and passionate advocate for equality - gender and otherwise - and I agree wholeheartedly @sister that I long for the day when 'out and proud' is more socially acceptable. When we can all just walk around (as long as we don't cause damage) on the planet, being and representing who we are without having to justify it, learning from each other and embracing our differences.
My issue is that there's enormous pressure out there to be 'out and proud' as a show of strength or bravery.
We've all heard people talking about Cancer patients saying things like 'she's so brave to go out without hair' and 'wow, she's so strong'. Just recently when I told a colleague that I admired someone from work who was able to come to the office 3 days per week during chemo, she replied 'well I worked every day'. WTF? She didn't mean to be putting pressure on, but this sort of thing can be SO damaging! While it can be motivating to follow the lead of someone who is a poster girl for cancer treatment, there's enormous pressure out there to be 'brave' and 'strong' and 'stoic'.
If we want to be bald or not - cool; flat or not - cool; we ALL rock and we are ALL awesome - as long as our decisions are motivated by what makes YOU happy.
I won't be wearing a wig because I'm ashamed of losing my hair, nor would I feel like if I cover my baldness I'm not brave enough to be the public face of cancer - I'm absolutely telling cancer to get the fuck out of my life in the way that's right for me.
xxxxxxx