Where im at...

Its 8 weeks today since diagnosis of triple neg DCIS4, intrusive, evasive, aggressive. Ive undergone a lumpectomy, a R breast removal, auxillery clearance ( 1/17 with cancer), several lung, bone, liver, chest CT's and scans, a Barium X-ray soon due to swollowing difficulties, I had a 'Port' put in last wednesday and now im finding that sore and achey as the pain killers have worn off and the swelling has gone down, but in hindsite its better than being poked for a vein and ending up with a large flumbitis in my arm! My 1st chemo was awful, in hospital for 4 days due to profuse vomiting! and then the Filgrastim injection to protect your bones and marrow made me feel like i was run over by a steamroller, twice! For about a week! My 2nd chemo on wednesday, and im staying in hospital incase i react bad again. I have to stay in SALE hospital where my chemo is, as i cant get into Bairnsdale, I have to be away from my husband and son for maybe up to 4 days. Theres no point my man travelling to see me until im ready to go home. I feel so alone right now, I dont know anyone up there! Im getting a friend to take me so my man can utilise the day off work to pick me up. Im downing panamax ( panadol) like its going out of fashion this week, I had a whole 7 days of feeling fantastic! So i figure its like this, ... chemo-7days of feeling crap-7 days of feeling awsome, - 7 daysof feeling crap again! That ads up to my 21 day cycle of chemo, for 6 months, then radio for 6 weeks, where i will live at Centenary House in Traralgon monday to friday, and drive back up to home at Lakes Entrance for the weekends, hoping i feel up to driving, otherwise, its train or bus. The shopping centres are about 5 k away from the hospital and i have to supply my own food etc. Apparently theres a service bus. GOD THIS IS SO DAMN HARD!!! I find myself wondering, How In Hell did i get to this point in my life? What prompted BC in me when i have NO history, and im under 50???  I had bladder / urethra cancer at 32, and it was allremoved and treated with pills and surgery, i have a SPC ( catheter) in my tummy to my bladder to pee from, THAT doesnt worry me, except for the cath changes every 6 weeks, stings a tad, but manageable, and over with quick, then i go shopping, but THIS>???? And, im ONLY at 8 weeks!!!