What is the hardest and what is the easiest
I was trawling through the discussions as I do most 4am's and came to wondering what is hard and what is easier for each of us to deal with. I wasn't even sure whether to post this (so please take it down if inappropriate) or if it should be in Tests and Treatments or Health and Wellbeing. I've thought a lot about how it affects those closest to me but perhaps not enough about how I feel (or maybe I have and I need another dose of ME! ME!)
I hate that I was travelling along quite well with no symptoms, just getting on with my overly stressful life. Next thing - wham! bam! I'm sick! I'm a patient! I can no longer quite do things for myself and have to be careful. Surgery done - yep I can cope with that and getting myself back to normal - not sure how other's look at my new shape but I can deal with it. It's only a bloody breast and not much use to me anymore. Exercise and treat myself properly and it'll be manageable. Hair - don't care - it'll grow and I've had it really short in the past anyway. Chemo, however, I do not like. It saps at my very being and stops me being able to be me. Life bow's down to chemo. And I know that so far chemo has taken it softly, softly with me. On the horizon, I have the unknown joys of radation and hormone therapy. What wonders will they display for me?
It's funny...with bits hacked off and seriously vicious chemicals coursing through my body, I do not feel less of a woman. Sometimes, I feel sidelined, which I hate more. And it's no-one's fault because the treatment does that with the fogginess, the nausea, the exhaustion, and the egocentric nature of the beast.
That's my philosophical rant this morning. I will offer it as a black pearl for others to take and run with or leave it mouldering in the sand. What do you find hardest and easiest about dealing with this beast?
I hate that I was travelling along quite well with no symptoms, just getting on with my overly stressful life. Next thing - wham! bam! I'm sick! I'm a patient! I can no longer quite do things for myself and have to be careful. Surgery done - yep I can cope with that and getting myself back to normal - not sure how other's look at my new shape but I can deal with it. It's only a bloody breast and not much use to me anymore. Exercise and treat myself properly and it'll be manageable. Hair - don't care - it'll grow and I've had it really short in the past anyway. Chemo, however, I do not like. It saps at my very being and stops me being able to be me. Life bow's down to chemo. And I know that so far chemo has taken it softly, softly with me. On the horizon, I have the unknown joys of radation and hormone therapy. What wonders will they display for me?
It's funny...with bits hacked off and seriously vicious chemicals coursing through my body, I do not feel less of a woman. Sometimes, I feel sidelined, which I hate more. And it's no-one's fault because the treatment does that with the fogginess, the nausea, the exhaustion, and the egocentric nature of the beast.
That's my philosophical rant this morning. I will offer it as a black pearl for others to take and run with or leave it mouldering in the sand. What do you find hardest and easiest about dealing with this beast?
