The New Me.

Thank you @iserbrown  ..... It really was a bummer to hear that!!   I thought he wasn't able to 'have it' because he wasn't 'bad enough yet' which seemed really stupid to me.   So that was a bit upsetting to hear.   I need to do some research re some other dementia meds that hopefully won't impact his heart beat .... fingers crossed.

But Dammit .... An unexpected recall today for a biopsy on a 'mass' found near my surgery site that hadn't shown  on the July Mammogram & Ultrasound (following my Ultrasound on Nov 22) has thrown a bloody spanner in the works tho!   :(   I am currently trying to organise an appointment sooner than later at Port Macquarie for the biopsy - but being rural - it can be a while to get the appt & then a wait for the pathology yet AGAIN ....!)   :(    

Whilst I know that it is just a precautionary thing - and usually benign, they can not to be overlooked, as some are cancerous .... Hypoechoic fat necrosis ..... irregular ill-defined mass ...  :(

arpie said:

It was my GP who brought me undone last week with the 'How are YOU' comment, just as I was about to leave ..... I just started bawling & couldn't stop - even when I got home!  I was FINE up till then.

Not sure of the reason - I just got the miseries!  :(   Maybe it was because we were discussing my husband's dementia - and had just heard he can't take the medication that could 'slow it down' as he has an abnormal heart beat rhythm & the medication can make it worse?  Yep, that was probably it

Oh crumbs and double crumbs. @arpie heart goes out to you. Hope things get sorted for your hubby's well being 
Take care 

As it happened, a family member (daughter of a cousin) put up on her facebook page a photo of a broken (acrylic) fingernail along with the complaint"I broke a fingernail !!!). This was a day or so after I had returned from hospital after my bilateral mastectomy...a four week stay with eleven of those days in ICU ...nudder story.... That little interlude was on the back of six months of chemo. I swear I laughed so much, I literally piddled my nightie...didn't have pants on, as I was going commando.

Good description,changed and nobody understands,that’s how I felt and still sometimes feel. I’m pretty intolerant of people’s whinging about 1st world problems. It really puts things in perspective.

Disconnect is definitely a good description.  I never felt like an outsider but there is this weird kind of feeling at the beginning that you are changed and nobody can really understand. An imposter in your own body and world if that makes any sense. It really will get better the further on you get down the track.

At the beginning  I would put a ban on BC talk at any social event.  That went for myself and any guests. I would accept the how are you doing question and answer "getting there, but I really don't want to talk about it tonight".

I actually longed for the normality of social life.  If I could just have those few hours of fun and laughter without over thinking anything it kept me going.

First world problems used to piss me off also. I think that is quite normal given what we have been through.  I would hear people talking about how "fat" they were (they weren't) in their new dress, how the hair colour wasn't quite what they expected from the hair dresser, how terrible that photo of them on facebook was. etc etc.  I am able to tolerate it quite well now up to a point.

If it really starts to tick you off the line is  "Gee that's terrible. Well at least nobody's got cancer right?"  You will get instant crickets and they will disperse rather quickly and slink off.  

Nobody ever touched me or rubbed my arm, but I guess that's because I get a pretty good "don't even F$%#&ng think about talking to me"  look on my face.  You can practice that with the people that sit outside of woolies every day looking for donations. LOL.

I love the "Gee your looking great".  Standard response.  Thanks. Why did I look like crap before cancer?

I find sarcasm is always a good option. 

 Hope you feel better soon @kitkatb

xoxoxo

I think a BC diagnosis changes us to the core! I laughed at 'first world issues' eg, 'I wanted a skinny Latte!' My wicked reply to those slightly condescending questions goes like this, 'Well, I woke up this morning and I was still breathing!' However, I remind myself that such questions come from love and concern with a sprinkling of fear and/or helplessness. The arm touching does my head in, I learned to respond by taking the hand that was doing the touching - made it less condescending somehow and after a few seconds I would let go. Problem solved. An aversion to the questions and touching is not being precious - we deal with invasive procedures, take strong drugs and have regular visits to our oncologists and doctors. I can only do this my way.

@AllyJay Yes, "you're a long time looking at the lid" is one of mine! I like your adaptation, might use that myself!

@Flaneuse I use "Upright" quite a lot, with say shopkeepers who know me and what I've been through. It usually gets a wry chuckle. It's non-committal and humorous so helps im a polite way if you don't want to engage.

Love your guru comment!

I think @Zoffiel's the woman for the job of the perfect comeback to "So now that you've finished chemo and radiation you can get back to normal"...!

@Silba I'll never forget the day I went to my youngest's swimming day at school, the first time appearing with no hair. Seriously, everybody was rubbing my arm. Teachers, other parents, people I hardly knew. It spread like wildfire. They must have all seen someone else do it and subconsciously mimicked each other. It went on for almos two hours. I started to get the giggles in the end! I didn't really mind, but when people you've known for 16 years, who've never touched you, do it, it's just bonkers! It's when strangers do it that really gets my goat. Like touching your belly when you're pregnant...  :#

Thank you ladies for making me feel not so alone when I go outside my home.

Totally get the Genie rub ( hate it ).

Just hate the inability to put up with first world country issues, you know eg " my latte didn't have skim milk " .

or relies wanting to get together for brunch , dinner etc at fancy places 2 minutes from them but an hour and half from me.
(people not working , not driving ......., pillow in front of chest for seat belt ........)

RRRGGGHHH

I'll join in. I'm still outside myself somewhere but don't know where I am. I'm working through acknowledging that the old me is gone forever. And trying to build a smidgeon of hope that I'll be able to create a new me that I can like. When I got "How are you?" from the surgeon yesterday, I said, "Well I'm still upright, so I suppose that's something." I'd like one of you clever-mouth ladies to come up with a comeback to the one that really makes me boil: "So now that you've finished chemo and radiation you can get back to normal."

Actually, on a lighter note, I think there must be a scrap of the old me left. I was at the pool shop the other day, buying floaty toy things for the grandchildren because my son has just built a new status symbol pool to rival those of his in-laws (!!!). Two guys about my age were at the counter, with a pile of serious technical pool stuff, discussing it with the salesman. One guy said, "I dunno. I'm just paying. He's the guru." I looked at the other guy and said, "Geez, if you're a guru, you can come home with me." They looked stunned. That's a bit of the old me.

It was my GP who brought me undone last week with the 'How are YOU' comment, just as I was about to leave ..... I just started bawling & couldn't stop - even when I got home!  I was FINE up till then.

Not sure of the reason - I just got the miseries!  :(   Maybe it was because we were discussing my husband's dementia - and had just heard he can't take the medication that could 'slow it down' as he has an abnormal heart beat rhythm & the medication can make it worse?  Yep, that was probably it.  :( 

Maybe we need a whole new thread for best comebacks for the  "How are you?" question!!     Maybe ''Surviving!   How about you?''