So many thoughts...

Hi, You are doing great.  One of the best things to do is write your feelings down - then put it away. When I was first diagnosed 4 years ago, all I could think of was what songs I needed to put to paper for my funeral.  My elder daughter said to me "Mum you need to fight this - you are not fighting hard enough"  and I thought "what is she talking about - what more could I do?".  Anyway I overloaded myself with knowledge and got on with it.  Once you are in treatment it just happens.  You will meet so many wonderful people on your way - medical, other patients, carers - it is a whole new world.  I found it really hard going back to work after 9 months because I had changed and my work collegues were still "normal".  Patience is another key.  It takes time for everything to happen.  My original surgeon said "there is no hurry".  Of course we all want to be "normal" and for it all to be over.  The fact is once you have bc you then get a "new" normal - and it is SO MUCH BETTER.  Sure we are a little bit broken but we are BETTER.  From my point of view and subsequent second diagnosis last December I am "flying high".  I enjoy every day that I am well and I still love to love and give and by giving now I find that I receive so much in return - I am more open to it.  First time around I was terrified of radiation - something new - now I have just finished my radiation therapy for the second time.   Now if I was completely honest, I am terrified of chemo (once again something new) but by listening to all those who have experienced it before me I gain strength and know that I will be able to "front" this next challenge with determinination and knowledge to survive it.  Keep letting your thoughts out. This is a great avenue.  I, like most of us, can shelter my family by laying down my thoughts and fears on this site with Friends.XLeonie