Well hello ladies, I last posted 11/2 after my 2nd last chemo (Docetaxol). Thought I would keep you updated with my proactive plan. Had the chemo on the Tuesday, came down off the steroids on the Thurs night, Friday comes and the aches and pains are there, with Panadol they are manageable, rash came but not itchy and irratable with the help of anti-histamines, so far so good:) Saturday morning and everything went to crap. Neck muscles were so bad I couldn't hold my head up, I went to bed waking periodically to take meds. After 2 hours sleep, woke up and my mouth was full of thrush even though I had been rinsing religiously. Felt like I had a furry animal in my throat. Started Nilstat and then my throat starts to ache, so started liquid morphine as well. I was so upset that I cried and cried and my partner stayed by my side with a tear as well. I have kept my fluids up so I'm not dehydrated, just oh so sick. This drug doesn't like me at all. Now it's Monday and I am sitting here blogging while drinking a bottle of water, wondering how in the world I can do this one more time. I know I need to finish this chemo, but the thought of getting sick again next month makes me cry again. 'One day at a time'. I keep saying it but I just don't know if I'm strong enough. I have been forcing food down, so tasteless. Don't want another stay in hospital. I never did think I was strong enough, then I thought, yes, I am. Now in the middle of all this, I just don't know anymore. Am I a sook? How have all you wonderful ladies done this? I'm just feeling really sad, but I do wish that you are all well, Hazel xx

You are bringing back all my bad memories of Docetaxel. It is tough going and I remember feeling so awful and wondering how I would get through. I suffered from oral thrush the whole time nearly and had to just constantly use the Nilstat. I used to be so weak with the muscle aches that I could not stand long enough to get myself a slice of toast. But you just keep getting through each day as best as you can and eventually you get there. I felt like one of those marathon runners that can barely get over the finish line before they rush in with the stretcher, all wonky but determined to get there. It is hard on your loved ones too, having to watch and unable to really do anything to help. I remember laying down, eyes closed and talking with my sister or Mum on the phone because I could not do anything else. My eyes were too sore to watch TV or read. That was when my throat allowed me to talk! But you do get past this and feel better. I just so appreciate feeling well again and I am really glad that I did the chemo to give myself the best chance of staying well. Hope the next few days pass quickly for you and that you have a few days of feeling better this round. You are nearly there but I totally understand the feeling that it is too hard. I remember telling people that yes I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but that I knew it was a freight train that would run me over before I could get to the fresh air! Sending you lots of gentle hugs. Deanne xxxxoooo

Thinking of you Hazel. I haven't started the chemo yet but you are an inspiration to me and others so hang in there! Take care and lots of hugs. Tanya x

What a rough time you are having through this. Hope you are feeling a bit better today. Like you I have one to go. Feels like the last Doxytaxol battle. Staying focused on the other side and trying not to look back. The weakness is horrid and I have eaten jars of honey to keep the thrush and sore throats at bay. We are nearly there Hazel. Hang in there. Thinking of you Julie

Sick again! | BCNA Online Network

26 Replies

Tazza_A
Member
12 years ago
Dear Hazel My heart goes out to you in your struggle. This BC journey certainly is a roller coaster. You and the other wonderful women on this network have been a tower of strength to me in my times of need. I only hope that I can channel some of that strength back to you now. All my love and prayers. Tazza xoxo
Lana
Member
12 years ago
I didn't mean you weren't tough. I think what we are going through is tough enough physically and then add the mental battle. Woohoo! I hope you are feeling better today . Thinking of you!X
Lana
Member
12 years ago
I didn't mean you weren't tough. I think what we are going through is tough enough physically and then add the mental battle. Woohoo! I hope you are feeling better today . Thinking of you!X
Lana
Member
12 years ago
I didn't mean you weren't tough. I think what we are going through is tough enough physically and then add the mental battle. Woohoo! I hope you are feeling better today . Thinking of you!X
Yoga_nut
Member
12 years ago
Well Hazel ...I've just got home from my last docetaxol !!! Naturally just now feeling pretty hyped up on the dex and quite reasonable but I know what lies ahead ...neulasta shot tomorrow and by Friday I won't be a happy bunny but I have planned a really really quiet week . In 3 weeks time it might sink in that I don't have to do this again ....seems so surreal at the moment ! The good thing about being TNBC is that's it ....no more drugs ... Just gotta strap on a pair of wings and fly into a new unchartered place where I'm sure the view is far more beautiful than the recent one . Hang in there Hazel my dear , don't give up . You are soooo close . Just close your eyes and visualise the last time they take the infusion out ...it will be here before you know it . In the meantime take good care and call in the cavalry sooner rather than later for help xxx Karen
Yoga_nut
Member
12 years ago
Well Hazel ...I've just got home from my last docetaxol !!! Naturally just now feeling pretty hyped up on the dex and quite reasonable but I know what lies ahead ...neulasta shot tomorrow and by Friday I won't be a happy bunny but I have planned a really really quiet week . In 3 weeks time it might sink in that I don't have to do this again ....seems so surreal at the moment ! The good thing about being TNBC is that's it ....no more drugs ... Just gotta strap on a pair of wings and fly into a new unchartered place where I'm sure the view is far more beautiful than the recent one . Hang in there Hazel my dear , don't give up . You are soooo close . Just close your eyes and visualise the last time they take the infusion out ...it will be here before you know it . In the meantime take good care and call in the cavalry sooner rather than later for help xxx Karen
Hazel_M
Member
12 years ago
Thanks for your support, I need to toughen up mentally. Can't take comfort that you are suffering as well, but we are not alone and I do hope to cross that finish line with you. I thought maybe the effects weren't going to be as bad this time, but wrong again. Take care,

Hazel xx
Hazel_M
Member
12 years ago
The last 15 km is looking daunting, I know I need to finish it, I just know it. I'm going to try to suck it up and keep going, thanks for your support. More tears when I read the responses to my blog, So many tough women out there, amazing. Hope your tooth is going to be ok, thanks for the massage, cup of tea and I definitely need the tissues,

Hazel xx
Hazel_M
Member
12 years ago
Funny how you mentioned the steroids, my partner commented how it's a shame I couldn't have more steroids and ease the side effects. I will ask the oncologist about this, if it could lessen the sickness by just a little bit, that would be good. I'm starting to think maybe I could do it one more time. I appreciate the advice and the big hug,

Hazel xx
Hazel_M
Member
12 years ago
We are and it is certainly a battle, I will try to stay focused, take care,

Hazel xx