looking back at your heaviest breast ca times, what would you say you did more: would you say you pushed your loved ones away or held on and got clingy ?

I don't think BC changes who we are, and I believe we handle it in the same way we have managed major hurdles in the past. Some send out a distress call and want to have all hands on deck, some run for the hills and keep secrets, there are the instant experts who research, others put their heads under the blanket and chant. Many of us oscillate between one response and anotherI've always been insular, with the strange exception of this site. Bless the internet. My first reaction to stress is 'Get away from me while I figure this out.' That's pretty hard on those who care for you unless, of course, they are used to it and see that as a valuable trait. Honesty is best. Mxx

Thanks ladies for all your responses. It’s making me think. I guess I’ve been trying to work out if BC made me act like a needy person, or if I just am a needy person, or if I just have some really narcissistic friends who made me feel like I was too needy? Does that make sense? i know that in the 6 months right after finishing active treatment, I had to do some serious reclaiming of Me Time. Not Nursing Time, not Look After Lymphoedema Time, not Bloody Physio Time. Just actual time where I had to block people’s dramas out and cut loose and be in my own safe mental space and physical space. In order to feel alive again. I guess I went from being utterly dependent on loved ones, to being as independent as I could handle. I think that may have confused or hurt some people? I guess the way certain friends have treated me since then has made me really doubt myself.Boy does my psych have her work cut out when I see her next !

It's often a lot easier to talk to a comparative stranger. Instinctively, you know you don't have to worry about their feelings too! So talk away when you can and when you feel like it. Your family just need to know how they can help, even if that's just giving you some space at the moment. One way or another, we all do it on our own but the love and support of others can make that road a lot more navigable. Best wishes.

I felt like that at the beginning @JulieSav. I didn't talk to many people at all, didn't tell people for a few weeks. Then I found this forum and it saved my sanity. And spared my friends and family from so many worried conversations! You do what you need to get through. Big hug, K xox

Just keep talking to that BC Nurse, @JulieSav. ..... and keep chatting here as well. You can ask ANYTHING here and someone will reply. We have a ‘Night Howls’ thread of you are awake at 2am and need someone to chat to ...... do what is right for YOU .... and include your hubby and kids too .... they are stronger than you think!! ;) xxx

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