Has anyone elses partners been less than sympathetic during this fd up journey?Mine is great, but when he's been drinking he turns into an argumentative person. I am just trying to keep my stress levels down. I am battling breast cancer for fuck sake.I feel like sometimes he just foegets.Well I DON'T.

Hi @Spiv1803 lots of us have had moments of our partners being boofheads... less than sensetive or sympathetic at times. Just remember it's a loooong journey for your family too, and although it doesn't excuse poor behaviour, we're all human. If it's happening often talk to him about it (prob when not drunk!) Get some help from outside if needed from a counsellor etc. If he's being violent, this is unacceptable and please get yourself help. Otherwise this is a great place to vent!

Resentment and denial don't just beset the person with cancer. It can take us years (literally) to reset the new normal - so it's hard too for a partner, however sympathetic, who isn't going through it to adjust. The person with cancer is also (perfectly reasonably) focussed on self. When my partner got early bowel cancer a few years after my bc, I was bemused by his earnest descriptions of his side effects - all as revelations - apparently unaware of the similar side effects (but worse!) that I had had! You gotta be there to understand. His confusion just gets more apparent when his feelings are loosened by alcohol. I agree with Molly001, avoid discussions when he has been drinking, but you might talk to him another time about who he talks to about his own confusion and stress. Best wishes.

Hi @Spiv1803 As @Molly001 said, most of us find that our partners turn into boofheads, alcohol inspired or not.They simply do not understand the physical and emotional journey and, as we continue on with our lives doing what we've always done, they just think all is well in their world - not even thinking about us.Is his drinking perhaps a reaction to what is happening to you ? Some partners fear the worst and do not know how to cope. Do seek some advice and do talk to him about how he makes you feel.You are in our thoughts.Summer :)

That makes sense. I used to be the last to leave at a dinner. Talking for hours with friends and reluctant to part. I drank very little tbough as I am a cheap drunk. Now though I'm ready to go home first. I find I'm just ready to be home and relax. Yes. Cancer treatment has certainly changed me. It's changed my energy. With all couples life sometimes gets out of sync with our direction. It's important to have conversations around this so you don't end up resentful every time you go out. It may well be he wants life to go back as it was...for us though, we are forever changed and feeling safe and happy in that changed life takes time.

Hi @Molly001 thanks for the advice. No definitely not violent but I just feel like he forgets, well he isn't going through it physically is he? That's only my deal.i will talk to him about it and probably get some outside professional advice too. X

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Spiv1803
Member
8 years ago
Hi @Molly001 thanks for the advice.
No definitely not violent but I just feel like he forgets, well he isn't going through it physically is he? That's only my deal.
i will talk to him about it and probably get some outside professional advice too. X
Molly001
Member
8 years ago
Hi @Spiv1803 lots of us have had moments of our partners being boofheads... less than sensetive or sympathetic at times. Just remember it's a loooong journey for your family too, and although it doesn't excuse poor behaviour, we're all human. If it's happening often talk to him about it (prob when not drunk!) Get some help from outside if needed from a counsellor etc. If he's being violent, this is unacceptable and please get yourself help. Otherwise this is a great place to vent!

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