Forum Discussion

Paddlefoot97's avatar
7 years ago

Overseas visitors staying during radiation

I am new here so hello everyone.  I have had a mastectomy and a week later had my lymph nodes removed.  I start chemo on the 10th of sept for 16 weeks then soon after that I begin radiation for 5 weeks.  During that 5 weeks I have a cousin and her hubby coming from America.  Am I going to be up to having them stay.  I’m the usual go to person that everyone stays with so the rest of the Australian family is a bit in shock that I’m feeling unsure I will be able to do it.  Any advice would be much appreciated.
  • I'd say no unless you know them very well and they are likely to be independent regarding their own needs and sympathetic to yours. Anyone high maintenance definitely needs to stay somewhere else. If you are at all unsure, consider fobbing them off. You may be absolutely fine, but you may not. Now is a good time to make a decision or at least flag that you may not be up to it so you don't have to retract an offer closer to the date. Let someone else step up so you can do what you need to do and participate as someone else's guest if you feel up to it.

    That few weeks between chemo and rads is a very delicate time--treatment is physically and emotionally draining even for those who cope well and the side effects from chemo don't stop with your last infusion. Any extra stress is not needed. At all. Most of us find our houses fall into disarray and things like diet restrictions and fatigue can continue through radiation and beyond. Trying to accommodate someone else through that time is a big ask. I struggled with the poisoning and found radiation much easier, but I would have hated to have anyone around who needed looking after towards the end. Mind you, I'm notoriously grumpy and antisocial, so any excuse to avoid visitors will do for me :) Good luck, MXX


  • @Paddlefoot97
    I am going to be very blunt. Don't do it. Palm the overseas visitors off to somebody else.

    One of the worst  things I did after returning home from surgery (2300 kms from home) was  to allow a visitor from down south to stay because she wanted to "catch up"! I was not well enough physically  and emotionally. I lost that friendship. The friend did not understand. I now say NO. People can come for an hour, have a cuppa and then bugger off.

    As @Afraser states you need to put yourself first. It is not selfish. Allow the visitors to come for perhaps an hour every few days but not to stay. 

    Warmest Kimberley wishes and take care
    Annie
  • So there is an extended family? You are not the only person who can do this? I didn't have radiation but as it's often hard to know how you will react, it may be prudent to suggest that at least a back up plan is a good idea! You've had surgery, starting chemo, adjusting to being mono-boobed and are having radiation - methinks you are rather busy, not to mention a little preoccupied. The effects of chemo sadly do not always end immediately you stop active treatment. Spending time with visitors may do you the world of good if you are up to it, but what if you are not? Time to put yourself first perhaps? Best wishes.