Sorry to see you here, @Jess33 - you've definitely had a hard time of it. :( All your emotions are real and validated ... don't beat yourself up xx
Some great advice above, from @Julez1958 - and don't let this despair get on top of you ... ask your GP for a referral to see a counsellor or psych - or even the social worker at the hospital you attended ....they will be able to give you methods of de-escalating the despair & even ways of preventing/controlling it. Keeping busy & getting back to your routine/hobbies is a good start.
You can also Call the Helpline above 1800500258 and have a chat ....
Whereabouts are you? Pop your town/area into your profile and other members nearby may be able to help you with support and services in your area.
Check this post out re 'stuff' on the forum here .......
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/23477/a-big-welcome-to-all-our-new-members#latest ;
take care, continue recovering, and there are NO silly questions - ask away anything!