newly diagnosed

Hi Hazel,

Thinkyou for contacting me it really is very stressful for our families that is so true until recently my husband couldn't even use the word Cancer but I think he's coming to terms with it now but he worries more than he lets on to me just last night we were talking on the phone to his Uncle who is a retired Doctor and he was saying how scared he is about the surgery and how stressful it is for him, I don't have any contact with my own family as my husband is from Sri Lanka and my familycouldn't accept that I was going to marry someone from another country as they are very racist and we have been happily married for 17 and 1/2 years now and have a beautiful daughter who is our life. I'm sort of setting myself little goals just like my cousin has told me to do, she's the only one apart from my dad who is now deceased to be there for us as we are like sisters and haven't seen each other since 2007 distance can be so hard sometimes but we intend to have that holiday in Sydney and Melbourne that's our big goal at the moment and I can't wait as our daughter will get to meet her 4 cousins in Sydney and my family and friends keep going from day to day and keep me positive when I go to my daughters school if I'm down just a smile or a big hug from my friends is all i need to pick me up until I see my husband when he gets home from work. I hope your husband is feeling better. I hope to talk to you soon Hazel as I believe positive interaction is the best medicine we can get at this time.

Have a Good Night Anitaxxx

Hi Karen,

I am so happy I joined the network it has helped me heaps, I have a lot of support at my daughters school as I have been doing volunteer work there since she was in pre school and she's now in year 3 and so used to having me at school most of the time I suppose you can say I'm an unpaid Teachers aide up here in the NT they are called Tutors. I'm at the school practically any chance I get, It's going to seem so strange not being there to help the teachers and see my friends as much next term while I undergo my treatment but if I feel up to it I'll pop in and spend time with them. My daughter is starting to ask me questions now but I keep my answers as brief as possible as she'll see enough, we also are doing as much as possible together as a family before surgery which I must add is 3 days before I turn 46, I've told my husband that we should take Angelena to see Inside Out and Minions before my surgery because we like to go to the movies as a family and we all are looking forward to these 2 movies they look really funny and at the moment I need a laugh, I'm doing as much as I can to keep my mind busy but sometimes I get tired of trying to be strong for everyone else but I look at my Angel and I know why I have to be strong and positive and my husband is the best I would be lost without his love and support but I know the waiting is getting to him too why wouldn't it. One of the most important things to me at the moment is to bring as much bc awareness out there as possible especially to young adolesent girls as I am very heavily involved in the Athletics community here in Darwin and I've met so many young girls and befriended them and I try to encourage them to start doing self examinations because if I hadn't been doing mine since the age of 12 I might never have picked it up in the Early Stages if I can make a difference in one girls life then I've achieved something well I think so anyway. I hope we can chat again soon all the best with your treatment let me know how it goes Karen and stay strong.

Big Cyber Hug Anitaxxx

Hi Anita, just wanted to welcome you to the network:) The ladies have already given you great advice, especially about taking one day at a time. It is really hard for those who support us as well. My partner was diagnosed with cardio myopathy when I was half way through my chemo, at the time I wondered if it was the worrying about me that caused it. It wasn't of course, but both of us were very stressed. I know it's hard but try to stay busy and occupied until your op. Pop onto this site if you have any questions or just need to vent, all the best, 

Hazel xx

Just read your response Karen and made me cry. I too Anita am I my at the beginning. I'm 3 weeks into to my diagnosis. Surgery is on Friday. I too have been up and down, first 2 weeks a complete fog I felt like. So many range of emotions, definitely in shock though as my body and brain didn't feel quite right. Week 3 now and starting to feel clearer. My mind has been consumed last couple days with the surgery. I'm trying to not to be too hard on myself. just cut down from 20 hours a week to 8 hours, that has been a blessing. I have 5 wonderful kids and great family and friends support. Looking forward to later in the day Friday when surgery is behind me. I have a scripture I say when fear creeps in. The Lord did not give me a spirit of fear but of love, power, and sound mind. That helps me a lot. Smiles to you ??????

Hi Rowdy,

I feel like I can talk about anything and have such relief and renewed hope, I agree I have to take it one day at a time and not be worried about what is going to happen concentrate on the here and now, I have a fantastic surgeon he has been my surgeon since 2009 as he is a general surgeon but also does Gastric Banding so he has been my surgeon for years and he's not just my doctor but someone we trust which makes everything so much easier, I will get a Diary that is a brilliant Idea that I never thought of. I spend as much time as I can with my wonderful Husband and my precious little girl I also do volunteer work at her Primary School so I have a great relationship with the school and I know if there's any changes in her that my friends and the teachers will look after her which gives me enormous amounts of relief.

I hope to chat to you again soon it helps a lot Thanks Anita.

Hi Robyn,

Thankyou so much for your post it really helped me sometimes I feel so alone and overwhelmed I just want to start my journey but I know I need to be patient but It's hard my Husband and Daughter are a tower of strength for me but they can't be in my head and know how I feel inside, my friends have been wonderful giving me cuddles when I need a shoulder to cry on, my cousin in Sydney has been wonderful she's like a sister I'm going to keep on smiling hope to talk to you again soon.

Anitaxxx

Hi Anita,

Welcome to the network and sorry to hear about your diagnosis. You've come to the right place for support and advice.  Just to repeat Robyn's words, your prognosis is excellent. 

I was diagnosed late April and those early nights/weeks of the great unknown are so fresh.  I have 2 young teenage children and husband and can relate to how this news has an impact on their lives. 

The waiting is the worst, waiting in dr's surgeries, waiting for surgery, waiting for pathology results...etc and it does take its toll.  My husband and I coped very differently.  We did things together as a family, but other times he knew I needed to be surrounded by my gaggle of friends for support while he needed quiet time. 

My children were a different story.  The first weekend after the diagnosis, no one knew because I just wanted one last 'normal' weekend of going shopping with my daughter, watching a soccer game, and ensuring their minds were free to prepare for exams and complete assessment tasks. That all changed once I had the first surgery.  My 16 year old daughter has since read the whole 'early breast cancer guide' (from the my journey kit) and told me the other day that I won't have to worry about shaving my legs when I'm on chemo! 

To support my children, we let their high schools know of my on going treatment so that they were aware to look for any changes in their behaviour or schooling.  Their year advisers have informed all their teachers and have offered counseling and using the Canteen website.  With your 9 year old daughter, it's obviously a little bit different to how much information you feel comfortable telling her.  As a primary teacher myself of students that age, it is always good to know about health concerns of the family so they can be fully supported. It's purely up to you how much information you tell your daughter's school/teacher.

In the lead up to surgery, enjoy the days, fill them with activities to enjoy the winter sun.  Have rest times and be kind to yourself.  I found the nights to be the worst, tear soaked pillow.  The initial weeks after the diagnosis are harrowing and it was only coming on here and realising that I wasn't alone in this journey, that many others have come out the other side, and many others were just ahead of me or beside me.  I've also realised that breast cancers are all different and treatments are different too.

Big cyber hug

Karen xx

Hi Anita welcome to the club that no one really wants to be a part of.

Robyn is right take it one day at a time, my advice is get a diary you will need to keep track of all your appointments.Accept help if offered and don't forget to enjoy the little things like spending time with yur family. Ask lots o questions and keep notes if that helps. There will be alot of information coming your way and you can become overwhelmed. Jump on this site it does help to chat to others who understand take carex

Hello,and welcome to the online network!!  I was in the same place as you,18 months ago.I had invasive ductal carcinoma,grade 2,and I was scared witless!!! The best piece of advice I can give you is to take it one day at a time.Focus on TODAY,as looking ahead only causes anxiety,for yourself and those around you.Your prognosis is EXCELLENT,and remember that BC these days is very treatable.We are so fortunate to live in a country with the latest treatments,and I can honestly say,that I feel healthier now,than at any other time in my life.Stay connected on here for support and advice,and before you know it,you will be on the other side and wondering to yourself why you were so worried!!!!!Sending a big cyber hug your way xox Cheers Robyn